I barely slept that night. I couldn't do anything but fill with all the regret of things unsaid, things not done. I still live with those regrets today. It has been four months exactly, and I do not feel ok yet. When will I? I have not a clue. Why do people die when they don't seem ready? That's the problem with teens; we live as if we have a million years to do so. I used to live like that. Not anymore. I live everyday for him. He is now the salty wind in my hair at the beach. He is a ray in the sunset. He is a streak in the rainbow. And he will always be in my heart. He taught me the most valuable lesson anyone can be taught. He taught me that life is a gift, and I cannot take it for granted. Whenever I'm having a crappy day at school, or didn't get enough sleep, I picture him in my mind; smiling his smile, crinkling his nose whenever he was thinking, and looking over the top of his glasses, like he was reading my mind. That is more than enough for me to pick myself up and try my hardest to have the best day.
I wrote a poem for my Honors class, with him as the inspiration.
I Will Never Forget You
Some days I laugh, some days I cry,
You were such an amazing guy.
You didn't deserve to leave this earth,
Without you this pain will cause me to burst.
You just had the flu, and now you're gone,
And we don't even know what went wrong.
After all of this, I am still in shock,
I miss you at every time on the clock.
Your laugh was contagious,
And your jokes were outrageous.
Your smile was so bright, it lit the room,
It was like a flower ready to bloom.
Your eyes were like the deep blue sea,
Full of laughter, happiness, and love for me.
They twinkled and sparkled with jokes untold,
I wouldn't of traded you for a pot of gold.
I remember the day you asked me out,
I was so escatic that I wanted to shout.
I love you so much, and you love me,
I really thought we were meant to be.
But God needed you to help Him with His big plan,
I know you would tell us, but we wouldn't understand.
And I know you'll be waiting at Heaven's gate,
The hardest part will be to wait.
I know there is a reason why you left this earth,
And I'll always love you, for what it's worth.
You will always have a special place in my heart,
In our dreams, we will never be apart.
So live life to its fullest, who knows your last day?
And know love is always here to stay.
Love unconditionally, never live with regret,
And always remember our good friend Garret.
So the moral of my story; I do not know when you will feel better. Nobody does. Everyone is different, and everyone copes in there own way. Eventually, you will be able to think of him, and smile, remembering the good times. And eventually, you will love again. Feel as you want to feel. Don't bottle anything up. It is not healthy. Talk to someone you trust, and just TALK! Trust me, it helps!!! And remember, that as much as it sucks, this will define who you will be later in your life, and it will make you stronger.