My Boyfriend Died Last Month, Will I Ever Feel OK Again?

45 Answers

Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
My boyfriend passed away February 6th, 2009. He was fifteen, and I fourteen. He was my first real "love" and we both had definite plans to be together for a long time. We both attended the same junior high school and met through a group of friends. He got sick on the Tuesday before with, "...headache and stomach ache." I remember texting him and him saying he was playing XBox 360 all day. Friday night, I call his phone to check up on him, and I get voicemail. I leave a message and go back to watching TV (I was home alone with my twelve year old sister, and it was around 5:30pm) I get a call back a few seconds later and am shocked to hear a female's voice. She identifies herself as his cousin and then informs me that he passed away that morning. That moment in time is forever etched in my memory. I remember hanging up, and then breaking down hysterically. My sister, frightened, starts to also cry and I tell her what happened. I remember screaming, and crying, and wishing I were dead too. I then call my mom when I can talk and tell her. She immediately leaves work and rushes home. I remember being pissed because I didn't get to say good bye. I also remember walking around the house, starting chores and not ever finishing, while our neighbor sat quietly on the couch watching "Tremors". When both of my parents got home, we immediately rushed to Urgent Care, because we did not know what had caused his death, and did not know if I was infectious. So I got to sit in the hospital, quietly crying while not knowing if I was going to become sick as well. Of course, I wasn't infectious with anything but the emptiness inside me.

I barely slept that night. I couldn't do anything but fill with all the regret of things unsaid, things not done. I still live with those regrets today. It has been four months exactly, and I do not feel ok yet. When will I? I have not a clue. Why do people die when they don't seem ready? That's the problem with teens; we live as if we have a million years to do so. I used to live like that. Not anymore. I live everyday for him. He is now the salty wind in my hair at the beach. He is a ray in the sunset. He is a streak in the rainbow. And he will always be in my heart. He taught me the most valuable lesson anyone can be taught. He taught me that life is a gift, and I cannot take it for granted. Whenever I'm having a crappy day at school, or didn't get enough sleep, I picture him in my mind; smiling his smile, crinkling his nose whenever he was thinking, and looking over the top of his glasses, like he was reading my mind. That is more than enough for me to pick myself up and try my hardest to have the best day.

I wrote a poem for my Honors class, with him as the inspiration.

I Will Never Forget You

Some days I laugh, some days I cry,
You were such an amazing guy.
You didn't deserve to leave this earth,
Without you this pain will cause me to burst.

You just had the flu, and now you're gone,
And we don't even know what went wrong.
After all of this, I am still in shock,
I miss you at every time on the clock.

Your laugh was contagious,
And your jokes were outrageous.
Your smile was so bright, it lit the room,
It was like a flower ready to bloom.

Your eyes were like the deep blue sea,
Full of laughter, happiness, and love for me.
They twinkled and sparkled with jokes untold,
I wouldn't of traded you for a pot of gold.

I remember the day you asked me out,
I was so escatic that I wanted to shout.
I love you so much, and you love me,
I really thought we were meant to be.

But God needed you to help Him with His big plan,
I know you would tell us, but we wouldn't understand.
And I know you'll be waiting at Heaven's gate,
The hardest part will be to wait.

I know there is a reason why you left this earth,
And I'll always love you, for what it's worth.
You will always have a special place in my heart,
In our dreams, we will never be apart.

So live life to its fullest, who knows your last day?
And know love is always here to stay.
Love unconditionally, never live with regret,
And always remember our good friend Garret.

R.I.P.

So the moral of my story; I do not know when you will feel better. Nobody does. Everyone is different, and everyone copes in there own way. Eventually, you will be able to think of him, and smile, remembering the good times. And eventually, you will love again. Feel as you want to feel. Don't bottle anything up. It is not healthy. Talk to someone you trust, and just TALK! Trust me, it helps!!! And remember, that as much as it sucks, this will define who you will be later in your life, and it will make you stronger.
thanked the writer.
SPANISH ROSE
SPANISH ROSE commented
That was awesome...your letter, your poem, your maturity...everything...very kind words...im grieving right now....came on here just to read and vent...(my daughter violet passed away 6 yrs ago today), and this helped.
I know today is rough...i hope you find some comfort at this time. On this day.
Xoxo michelle.
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
I don't know when you will feel human again, but I know that the birds still chirp the sun still rises and everyone around you laughs.  Me and my boyfriend had only been back together for 7 weeks, we realized we didn't want to be apart ever again we wanted to grow old together...It has been 11 months today since I came home to find him dead.  I tried to bring him back with everything I had, but it was too late.  I had gone to a doctors appointment that morning.  I wish everyday that I didn't have that appointment, but I can't change it and neither can anyone else. You will never get over it, but you find that you keep going for the loved ones around you.  We have to remember that our family hurts when we hurt and they feel helpless too.  I found a new job and started hanging out with new people.  I have days where I laugh so hard and that's ok, and then I have days I cry so hard my stomach feels so painful and empty, but I know that's ok too.  My biggest fear is that I will never feel as close to someone or as loved by someone as much as him.  I feel very alone sometimes even when there is a room full of people.  All I can say is that I pray that he is watching over me and he will send me that someone that will make me feel whole again.  And you have to believe that too.  Cry when you want to cry (or scream really loud that helped me) and laugh when you want to laugh...I'm thankful he was apart of my life and I wouldn't be who I am today had I never meet him all those years ago...I love you Allan R.I.P
Red Kolo Profile
Red Kolo answered
My boyfriend died almost 7 years ago. We had split up in Jan 2004 months before he died. I broke up with him because of miscommunication and misunderstanding but I knew I loved him but never told him. During our break we hardly had any communication aside from the odd message disguised as a random text. As summer approached I promised myself I would break the silence in Sept 2004 because I just missed him so so much and couldnt stop thinking about him. I even got an apartment in an area I knew he wanted to live in - just incase we got back together (which I wanted so much). In August 2004 I was at work (Monday) and got a call from one of his friends telling me he had some bad news. The previous w/e My ex had a BBQ and fell from his rooftop and broke his neck. He was on a life support machine but was clinically brain dead, and hasnt got much time left but thought he'd let me know to say goodbye, because of how we meant to each other. I was a complete and utter emotional wreck. Everything just didnt make sense and I was in disbelief, denial and assumed he was exaggerating things. I never dreamed that the last time I looked into my ex-'s eyes and saw him looking at me was when we broke up. I got to the hospital and it was true. He was lying there unrecognisable due to swelling but recognisable due to his hair, hairy chest and feet. The man who I loved more than anyone in the world would never look me in the face again and never know how much I loved him. I know he knows now because the things that have happened since makes me know this isn't it because he heard my cries, but I would give anything to see him again and give him a hug or just look into each others eyes. His death seeped the joy out of everything, absolutely everything. I lost so much weight out of inability to eat people thought I was sick. I cried every day for what seemed like forever. I finally got some bereavement counselling following advice from the same friend who told me about his accident. Although the counselling helped and I would advise it - just even to have someone anon to listen to you -  the pain never goes. Tears are pouring down my face as I type because the sheer extent of loss and grief were so intense I never thought I could be that close with someone again. But you learn to better deal with the pain. And his death taught me the value of life. Knowing him changed my life. And he will always be a part of me because he helped shaped me into the person I am today and for that I am at peace with. Rest In Peace my love. I will always love you. You never heard me say those words but I know you know now. Xxxxxxxxxxx
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
I lost the love of my life 2 months ago, Theres no way to move on,,,only move forward.  I laugh during the day and cry all night, the only way to help my family from watching me hurt to avoid hurting them.  Sadly no one will ever understand the closeness of the relationship since it was always between us, making it so special.  I wish I could change something everyday but it is an effort not worth the pain since every life has a path.  Some people's destiny is to suffer pain or death to teach the many around them to live.  His death was a shock, especially the death of such a content and healthy athlete. We all must remember that not letting his destiny teach us to live a little more would be neglecting those we love's purpose for death. Be sure to make the most of your life, so when they are watching they know they were sacrificed for a good reason.  They are watching.  Don't doubt it....it just is in their own form.
Brenda Harrell Profile
Brenda Harrell answered
My very first boyfriend died on my birthday. It always hurts to lose a love one and that is normal. No one can really put a time limited on your grieving process. Sometimes we may never get over the loss. Usually, as time passes the pain seems to hurt less. Although, if you are in a state of deep depression over the loss, where you can not sleep, eat or perform your daily activities, then you may need to seek professional help. A little grief counseling may do you a world of good. Talk to someone, sometimes if you talk about what is troubling you it really helps to ease the pain. I am truly sorry about your loss. Take care!
Arnalia Profile
Arnalia answered
Hello everyone! I lost my lovely boyfriend in the crash of ethiopian airlines. Moustafa dead in 25 january 2010. I don't know how to explain to you my story correctly because I'm just trying to speak english. I can't forget what we did together, Moustafa was working in my country in Africa he was lebanese he went to lebanon to see his daddy who was sick, he arrives in lebanon on dec 31 he should stay there only 10 days but after he stay there till the day of the crash. I WILL NEVER FORGET THAT DAY IN MY LIFE!!! Since I'm living I've never even lost a friend but it wasn't my friend Moustafa was my everything, he was my love, my life he was my everything since I'm not with him I'm not happy anymore and will never be the same anymore! He was just 23 years,we was planning to get married this year, we planning to have a baby too. Moustafa told me that he'll be free in january to make a lot of things with me, I was never think that something like that could happen to us, I was waiting for him that monday we should be together that night but I'm all alone since he is gone I'm just talking to his spirit because I know that he's everywhere I am. I can't stop cry for him because I really LOVE my Moustafa with all my heart. Now I know how painfull is to lost someone that we love, I'm sorry for all of you. When it painfull just talk to your boyfriend spirit, I think he'll help you. Everyday when I wake up I'm just prayin and I'm talking to him I kiss his picture and I try to live and I do it before to go to bed. May GOD protect the soul of my lovely boyfriend Moustafa HAITHAM ARNAOUT who dead in the horrible crash of ethiopian airlines! May God protect his lovely family and his mom that I love. I hope to be with my baby one in paradise inch"allah! God bless all of you
Emily Poisel Profile
Emily Poisel answered
Thank you for your answers.  It's good to find other people with similar experiences.  I hate saying "boyfriend" because it sounds so casual, and people don't know how much you really loved that person.  I actually had one of my teachers, first thing she said when I told her the news, say "oh, I'm sorry to hear that.  How long were you together?"  What does that have to do with anything?  I asked her if I could have two days off for the funeral and visitation and she said no I would have to choose only one day, because a boyfriend isn't covered under the list of people that you can get bereavement for.  Unbelievable!  I got a total of two sympathy cards, and only about 3 of my friends even said anything to me about it.  Do you guys feel like your loss was minimized too?  I just feel so alone because everyone acts so understanding toward his family, but then I'm just supposed to be totally normal right away.  We were going to get married next summer!  What difference would that piece of paper make in how much we loved each other?  I don't know anyway people are so insensitive so it's really cool that I can find other people who feel like I feel.
thanked the writer.
Anonymous
Anonymous commented
My bofriend died back in 2005 in a car accident 15 minutes after i talked to him and believe me i think of him all the time. I will tell you that over time it has gotten easier to accept but the love is still there i now have a two yr old and i am a single mom in school but sometimes i like to believe he sent my son to me from heaven. It takes time to heal please hang in there.
Anonymous
Anonymous commented
I completely understand! My daughter's dad, my fiance, best friend passed away January14th. A complete hole I am feeling! His family is arranging everything for his service in which they have abandoned him for the past 8 years, while I have been by his side through thick and thin for the past 8 years. Probally sounds kinda silly, but we prayed to God one night telling God to marry us. We just never got around to doing it on actual paper.
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
Tomorrow will be the ten month anniversary of my boyfriend's death. Same thing, went to sleep and never woke up. We started dating when we were 15. We'd been together for almost 8 years. We just graduated from college three months earlier. After four years at separate colleges we were finally back home together, ready to live the rest of our lives together. I never knew pain like this existed. I feel completely empty and alone. I can't identify with my friends, in fact I pretty much resent them completely. Which is completely unfair I know. I wish I was the one who died. He was a better person then I am. I don't ever expect to feel happy again. I talk to myself constantly (really I think I'm talking to him) because I am so alone. I feel like I'm going slowly descending into a complete state of insanity. If it weren't for the fear of hurting my father (my mother died four weeks before my boyfriend) I would kill myself. I never thought my life would turn out this way. I am 23 years old and the only light at the end of this tunnel is that one day I'll die too.

Anyway maybe you will feel okay again. I don't believe I will but supposedly people do move on. Good luck.
thanked the writer.
SPANISH ROSE
SPANISH ROSE commented
I had feelings quite similar.....not wrong...not right...just true feelings.

Its been 6 yrs since my daughter passed away at 4 yrs old...
I now train myself to think about her for only a certain time....because i too feel myself slipping into insanity if not.
Fred Jones Profile
Fred Jones answered
My daughter had this happen and she still feels the pain at times. It was her best friend and she went on vacation. When she got home, she found that this friend had laid down to take a nap (unlike her) and never woke up. She had heart failure but was extremely athletic so no warning signs leading to it.
My daughter has several keepsakes from their friendship and continues to go to her gravesite when she is thinking of her. We have talked about it many times and that seems to help her maintain.
Anyway you can let your feelings out is best. Don't hold them in as it only makes things worse. You will also find that so many people do not understand so, these are not the people to talk to. Best to find someone who either understands or is neutral. Matter of fact, Neutral is even better as they will listen to try to understand instead of having already drawn a conclusion. Find a release and understand that the pain never goes away but can be maintained with work.
Emma Buckingham Profile
Emma Buckingham answered
I'm so sorry for your loss! I'm 15 years old now and when I was 14 I had a boyfriend he was a childhood friend and had been since we were 5. He died in a car crash I still think about him all the time and everyday I wake up wanting him back so much. It hurts for weeks, months but one day you will wake up and wont feel the same you will have your life back, ok you may not want to date for awhile but that's ok, it was only on my birthday this year that I noticed he wasn't coming back, it was then I realised I had to move on I had to forget about what we had. Its really up to you how long you will feel like this but things will get better.
Hope this helps
best of luck with your life
xox
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
I am so sorry for all your loses. I am in the same situation...my boyfriend died on 12/22/09 he went to sleep and never woke up. He had heart failure in his sleep. It is so hard, life just seems like it is never going to be the same. I try to fake smiles and fake laugh for people because if you don't they will continuously ask you if you are alright and will tell you over and over you will be alright. I honestly don't know if you will ever feel the same again, but ok will come. I actually went to a friends house tonight and played a card game and actually let myself enjoy it. I got out to my car and cryed like a baby of course because all I could think about was him and how I wanted him to be there beside me playing it with me. His death was just so sudden. I was going to spend the rest of my life with him. David was such a great person, and so old fashioned and I loved it. He would open the door for you and always believed that marraige was forever. We were going to move in with each other at the beginning of Janurary... And trust me thats a huge step for me. But when you know, you know right... I think talking about it will definitely make you feel a little better. I know from bottling it all up inside just makes things worse and you end up taking it out on people that do not deserve it. I hope everyone of you learn to cope with your loss and just know there are people going through the same thing as you and will always be thinking about you...
marcie smith Profile
marcie smith answered
My fiance died June 2 1997 it was 20 days before our wedding. We have two boys ages now 13 and 15. Yep they were 9 it was and 22 months old. And the pain NEVER goes Away! My boys have never know their dad. He missed sooooo many first. It breaks my heart that they will have never know him. They will never have him say "I am proud of you son". Never remember the sound of his voice, the way his arms felt holding them,the I loves you...nothing. And that is only the tip of th iceberg! No driving lessons, no teaching how to ride a bike, no dances, graduations, weddings or first girlfriends. I love him more than life an I miss his laugh, smile, touch everything. I never got to say good bye. He called to aay he was on his way home from work....but he didn't make it. 13 years and I still feel dead inside. I seem strong to everyone...I have two boys I had to be strong for after all they could not have a mommy that was too broken to not love them and do everything her power to give them a wonderful life. The only thing I love more than their dad is them and I stay strong and hide my sadness from them. I think after 13 years I am doing a little better but I am still broken inside!  I hope that my outside never how's jow th inside feels!
Deborah Hutchinson Profile
My boyfriend was 48yrs old and died suddenly of pericarditis complications on18th Dec 2010. I woke up at 8am to find he had collapsed in the bathroom overnight and my CPR efforts were too late. Thinking about it now, there were signs 2 days previous but he seemed to recover. He was fit and healthy. Much like many of you, I put the smile and laughter on in the daytime, but at night I usually cry myself to sleep. I was with him for 14yrs and each day I face things that remind me of him and sometimes I do smile, but then you suddenly feel an ache inside. Like everyone here, I just wish I could spend just one more day with him, get one more hug, share one more joke. If only. The last words I said to him were "please stop snoring." Thankfully the words before that, were words of love. It's too soon for me to say that "you'll get over it" or offer any advice but for me, each day it's easier to put on the brave face. I've just got to live with the fact that we didn't have children and he wanted to be a Dad so badly. I was sensible as we didn't have the money. Ironically, we both changed our jobs 3months ago and were financially better off.
It does help reading about other peoples loss on here. I don't feel alone.
Louise Profile
Louise answered
Wow I was searching for answers to a related question,I came across this thread and couldn't stop reading.I really feel for all of you,The pain you have felt must be devastating,But you are all very brave for coming on here and posting your stories and warm memories of your loved one,and I really Admire you all for this.Keep strong ladies,Sending you my love
Nina Baro Profile
Nina Baro answered
My boyfriend died Jan 18th 2010, just fall asleep and never woke up, he was 21 years old ... It's been 2 years that he passed away but there is a wound so deep that did not heal ... We were together 3 years, planning family, I was two months pregnant when he died, but he knew it ... There was a moments when I want to kill myself coz he is gone, but I had his baby in my womb and I did not do it .... His older brother and my father wanted for me to do abortion but I stand up for myself and for him and said NO! Now I have daughter and I'm so proud to have her because she is a part of him. I lost my faith in God, do not belive in love anymore but as life goes on it's not getting better ... TIME DOSE NOT HEAL WOUNDS, ONLY TEACHS US TO LIVE WITH THEM!!!
tenzin choedon Profile
tenzin choedon answered
I am equally sad to go through this page. My boyfriend, who used to bring flowers for me after his school, who used to do break dance to bring a curve of smile on my face when I am upset, with whom I planned to have a loving kids around, with whom I used to be the happiest being on this earth. Suddenly, out of blue slept peacefully forever and never woke up. Its been a month since he slept. My heart is tearing apart and wished only to be with him no matter what. I pray  Buddha every time to  protect every being on this earth. I wish I am the  last person who will experience this unfortunate sorrow. Let us pray to our own god to protect every living being on this earth. Let us pray together to be with our love ones in our next life. I think we shouldn't wasted our precious time in depression rather it's time to make your love one's dream come true and always do good  things in their remembrance . Its in our hand now, to keep them alive by fulfilling their wish till we last our breath.
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
As of today, its been a month and two weeks since my boyfriend passed away. I will never forget all the memories we have. And I still believe he's here. But in other cases its just weird. When May came around, everyone was happy cause school was out, and I was happy cause I knew I would blow the summer off with Justin. But May 30th, there was a graduation party, and of course he went, but I was in San Antonio. Well, he was texting me all day, and I told him that he should go, cause all his friends were going. This was on a friday, and around 1 a.m. We stopped texting, I told I would call him the next day,because I would be up super early. We say iloveyou, goodnight. And that was the last... Around two, his friends called me saying he got shot. I was mad, because I thought they were just being jerks, and were just drunk. But, then his sister, who's one of my best friends, texted me saying they were on their way to a hospital, and we both stayed up all night, because I couldnt sleep, and I knew she was going billistic. I ended up falling asleep around 6, and I just thought, its okay. He's fine. And I was waiting on the text message he sent me every morning. "Hey Prettyful! Wake up!" but I didnt, instead I got the call from his bestfriend, saying he died. I couldnt believe it. And tears just started pouring down my face. I called his sister telling her what happened, she started crying too, and said the same thing.my mom just looked at me, cause she didnt know what was going on, and my cousin who was with me told her what happened. I stayed quiet the whole three days we were in san antonio, my cousin picked out my shoes, and my clothes for the funeral, and tried to get me to talk, but it was pointless. When we finally went home, I had to work, and then his step mom called me the day before the rosery and asked me to come to the funeral home, and when I did, I met his whole family... The way Justin was, he just kept to himself, and never really opened up. But  I guess he told his family about me. See right now, I'm fourteen, and in a few more days Justin will be seventeen. We met almost five years ago through my uncle. He's the same age as Justin. After we met, we just kept in touch on myspace, and over the years, then he started dating my bestfriend, but we would talk when I went over, and eventually they broke up, and we got closer and closer. We started going out a few days before christmas, and ever since then we've always been super close. Arounf april he started coming over, and we talked on a daily basis. He would call me in the morning, and we would talk before school, and he would call me after school, he came over, and would call me when he came home, from his friend's house. The walls I didnt want to let down, just seemed to melt away. And I fell in love with him. The goofy laugh, those big brown eyes, and the way he just said I love you. And from there, I had the biggesty smile on my face, that I couldnt hide, even if I wanted to. I just sorta had that Glow. We always used to sit on my fence, and talk all day. And sometimes, we would play fight in the street, and the thursday he came over before I left, he took my favorite bracelet. And he told me, I'll give it back to you, when you come back. It was already getting late, and my mom really didnt want him over passed 12. So he gave me a hug, and a kiss goodbye, and he left. We never really introduced eachother to our families, they just knew we exsited in eachother's life, and that was that. The day of the veiwing his mom just stared at me, and cried, and she told me she knew that her son loved me very much. As for his dad, he just wanted make me cry. Him and justin look like twins, but of course.. He's his dad. When it got down to his friends, I was really pissed cause I just kept thinking, its all your fault. But those are his friends, and its not their fault. Justin was Only 16 when he died. July 10th, he'll be 17 . The night of graduation, is probably the worst night to be out. When someone came around the block, and started shooting, thats when I lost not only a love, but my bestfriend. He was shot in the back of his head, and when he was air lifted, to lubbock, he was doing a little okay. After a while, his brain swelled, and that cord that held it, popped. The thing is, I ran wild ,till he came around, and started dating... And he made me calm down. A lot. Even though, I've been told what went on that night, and who did it... I still can't seem to let go.. So whast do I do?
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
Hey there,
I just lost my boyfriend last August on all days it was my birthday, not only was he my boyfriend but my best and truest friend, the grief is still with me on a daily basis. I was with him since I was 13 and I am now 18. It was probably the hardest most traumatic life experience. I highly recommend counselling from personal experience it benefited me a lot. I don't think you ever  get over a loss like this you just learn to live with it and cope everyday. I hope you're okay and don't go down the same road I did and suffer with depression, It destroyed my life in a lot of ways. I'm sorry about your loss.
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
The pain will lessen over time. The best of your memories together will be your strenths in good time. And you'll feel his prayers for you. And they will be good! I'm sorry for your loss at such a young age. I know the feeling well!!! Keep telling yourself *the things in life that don't kill us. Will only make us stronger* because it's true!!!
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
My fiance... We should have wedding on 2 april 2010...  I'm 32 he was... 41.. Kindest, smart, gentle... We never argue.., we just couldn't coz cared and loved each other sooo much... God
I was waiting for him whole my life... He was my heart, my love, my soulmate... Best one , the only one... Same I was for him....
He got to hospital... Inside blooding... God know what was the reason... And they could do nothing... He never woke up... Two weeks before wedding... He was so excited about to live together and ... Have kids... And I prayed so much for it... But...
It is not fair.... I don't understand.... And never will.... I still think as if he alive... I can't let it go... Just can't ...  I don't know how to live...
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
My ex-fiancee died on 1/8/2010, he was 43 years old. He left behind a 16 and 19 year old son. They are devastated. He was a full blown alcoholic. He had a heart attack in his early 30's that destroyed his heart, and yet despite the fact that he wasn't suppose to make it past the first year he managed 10. Why am I writing this, you may ask. I am beyond grief, I had to kick him out of my house because I refused to let him die in my bed. I am riddled with guilt, sadness, pain, anger, you name it I've got it. I watched him wither away, and stop caring about life and I can tell you that death is horrible, even more so when you are watching someone slowly killing themselves. He should have stopped drinking, but his disease ruled his world. I live with my own guilt everyday, and I wonder when I will finally be at peace. I feel more intense grief losing my ex then I did when my dad died 3 years ago.  Maybe that isn't true, because I got really sick when my dad died and weighed 79lbs at 38 yrs old. I would run into people that would actually say that they were looking in the OB's for my death that is how bad it was. I think this time around it is different because the person I lost despite me breaking off the engagement was still my best friend.  I am going to therapy, and working on moving forward, although it will be a slow process. I guess in the long run, I am still alive and so are you, and that is what matters. I know my BF would not want me to sit around killing myself over his death. Eventually I won't, everyday numbs the pain a little more and eventually you will love again. Me? I am done. I leave love up to you all, and may God bless your efforts in every way.
thanked the writer.
Anonymous
Anonymous commented
I so can touch base with what you are feeling. My exfiance passed 1/14. He too loved to drink, tried to stop, got a little better. Took anxiety medicine and then died! I was so mad at him the night before cause he took more than he was suppose to, but the medicine completely confused him and he had about 6 beers. So, I too feel so guilty! If I didn't go to my brother's the night before he probally wouldn't have drank, and this would have never happened. I hate it! I feel there is no plac
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
I actually experienced the same thing you all have - and I will say that I am praying for you all - for peace and guidance and hope and joy in your lives. Healing comes when you accept it - and while you never truly heal you learn to tolerate and cling to the blithe nature that all of your loved ones wish for you. Biblically speaking it says to "weep with those who weep" (and our tears never go unheeded by the Lord) - and just know that I do. I cry for all of you and your pain and for your sorrows as do many others right alongside. I ask that you look within yourselves for strength and refuge (to God if you believe) or simply in the kindness and inevitable goodness that dwells within all of us in some way, shape or form. Death is only the beginning - ideally - and you will have eternity to spend with those that you long for and many others. Just seek the light; it'll be alright.

I wish you all the best in hope and joy, in sadness and sorrow (for it will come from time to time).

I wish all of your loved ones as well my dearest friend endless bliss up above.

Remember: Rely on each other.

Laugh, smile, cry, purge, heal, but never regret or cling to what can't be changed. It happens for a reason even if we don't understand it.

There's always a bright side; sometimes it's just harder to see.

Sincerely, in memory,

- L
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
Well hello..my boyfriend passed in Sept, 2008. Robert, I miss him so much. I'm turning 21 in April. He passed away one month after his 21st birthday. It hurts bad. When he passed people started fighting over whose best friend he was, I kept silent this whole time until this one girl said to me, "You never got to say good-bye." (in a spiteful way of course) and got into her car. I spit right in her face, and I'm not a fighter, she deserved it, and she got out and we started to fight..she ended up apologizing, right before his funeral..(first time I wore heals outside the house, practice didnt make perfection). I forgave her and gave her a hug, but honestly, I do forgive her, it just shows who really is fake. If only you people knew Robert, and only if I knew your boyfriends, maybe we really do understand eachother. Well, Robert and I, we were always in love, we fought a lot, but never went to bed mad, we were young and got in a lotta trouble together, he taught me so much about life, I just want to share what I learned with 'him'. We got in so much trouble my Father was tired of the cops showin up (we were reckless) that he said you're grounded til Robert's outta your life, better believe he was the first to call me and say I'm sorry, I wasn't careful what I wished for, I love you, and a few other things, its bringing tears to my eyes. I know I sound like a 10 yr old writing this, but I'm still broken about it. I might go see a therapist bout it, my mom left me, younger bro and sis and dad in same 3 mos. Dad had heart attack in same 3 mos. So messed up, nothing bad happened to me in my life...til then. And I'm 'still' not okay. There's so much more I could type, but I'm upset, I hope all of you stay strong, its what they would all want, I don't doubt it for a second. I even once talked to Robert bout if one of us died...he told me he would want me to know he loves me and to not cry. He didnt cry when our good friend Stinson passed away, it took a lot for him not to cry, but he didnt and explained, Stinson wouldnt want me to cry, he would tell me to smnoke this blunt or drink this natty and relax...well I'm not going to smoke a blunt or drink a natty but ill cheers to that. One day.
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
I just lost my boyfriend two weeks ago tonight. The last thing I told him was I hated him, he said I love you and I just didn't say it back. We were so mean to each other all the time and always said we hated each other. It wasn't till he was gone that I found out how much he really loved me. When he passed he took part of me with him, I don't believe I will ever be the same. I am trying to cope and trying to be okay, but I can't seem to get there. If I could do anything in this world to bring him back I would in a heart beat. I can't tell you your going to be okay again, because rite now I don't know if that's possible. I do know that having people in your life who have been through it does help. I've lost allot of close friend through this and it doesn't phase me, everyday I wake up and it feels like I don't want to be awake. Everyday is so much harder because it's just another day he's gone. I will always love him, I am not sure I will ever move on again. I can't tell you your going to be okay because it's not easy to do or feel. I do feel your pain and understand what you are going through. I only wish I could bring my boy back.
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Anonymous answered
My boyfriend treated me like a princess.  He was kind, gentle, funny and just soooo easy to hangout with.  We dated for almost a year.  He died of a heart attack.....now that I look back I should have seen the signs.  He had heartburn....seemed a lil tired lately and mentioned that he had to stop while walking the dog (easily winded) .  I should have known that he wasn't feeling well.  But I didn't think.  Besides we were just about to have pizza for dinner (surely if he wasn't feeling well he wouldn't want to eat pizza of all things.  Anyways, he was going to put my summer tires in my car so I could have my winter tires switched the next day.  Well he collapsed dead of a heart attack.  I am riddled with guilt .... Looking back there were some signs that he wasn't feeling well....but I didn't see them.  I am soooo sad.  I miss him terribly.....and I am haunted that he died in front of me.   I can't imagine ever feeling happy.  I hope that he is watching over me.   Tomorrow is the visitation...and the funeral Tuesday.  I can't seem to wrap my head around the fact that he is gone.
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Anonymous answered
You will begin to feel ok but you will always remember him and you will try to wonder why things happened how they did. Me I wish I could go and change things but no matter what we all pass. The love of my life passed away and so far it is the hardest thing I have ever delt with. I am a little older then you I am 22 but we have three children and our 3rd son was 2 weeks old when it happened. He never got a chance to even see a picture of our 3rd kid because he was out of the united states. Your love will always be in heart and you should be thankful for the time you were able to spend with him and to have the time you had together. I see him in my children everyday.For me its hard my kids are 5 3 and 2 years old. And its hard to explain what has happened. Take care and you will be happy again someday. :)
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Anonymous answered
My boyfriend died about 5 months ago....we were not together when he got sick..just could not breathe properly and was having chest pains....we broke up a few months before because I was tired of having to help him financially all the time, I was drained and burdened cause I have my family to support as well (mother,rent,bills)...we were together for about 9 years and he was my first boyfriend but broke up and made up a whole lot (dishonesty, and not working, no ambition according to my mom) ....I wanted better for me and I decided to leave and I found someone else....when he got sick and was hospitalized  and I knew...I was there every day until he died....now I feel so guilty and I miss him and can't even move on...I feel responsible....my heart aches and I feel like the only thing to look forward to is death.....I love you sunil and I am sorry if I only thought of myself and not you....RIP my love......you definitely have my heart
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
My boyfriend died a year ago and I'm still not fully healed. I know I never will be but its going to take you some time so get your mind straight and in tact. I'll pray for you. God bless.
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Anonymous answered
My boyfriend died Jan 21, 2010... He was in a head on collision with a drunk driver, at 7am.  The other driver thought it was funny to play CHICKEN.  Simon died on the spot, I only hope it was fast.  Reading everyones' stories just makes this so much more real.  Sometimes I think I can move on, start over, but other times I just pray that I will die too.  
I hope one day I will feel normal again, I just don't know when.
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Anonymous answered
My boyfriend of 7 years died last night. He treated me like a queen. If I didnt like something he would make it so I would be happy. It feels like part of me is missing and I don't know what to do. He was battling cancer for a year, so I know hes not in pain anymore. But I would do anything to have him back.
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Anonymous answered
My boyfriend died june 1st of 2010! He was the best. I loved him like no other.. Its never good when a loved one dies. :/ I miss him very much. He was like my night in shinning armor. The bad thing about it was I'm only 15 and I'm way to younge for this. He will always be on my heart and mind. The point is you will eventually feel better. But don't feel bad for being happy again. Time heals all pain and that is all you need.
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Anonymous answered
I'm sry for your lose, I know how you feel, I have a best friend who commited suicide 5 yrs ago. I went on vacation with her for spring break and 2 days later she hung herself, her wake and funeral were the hardest, I cried for months and I still think about her. When I went back to school all the teachers were looking for me to make I was ok, but all I wanted was to beleft alone and grief on my own. She was like my lil sister, knew her since childhood. I still can't believe that she is gone and I stil think about her everyday.
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Anonymous answered

Well, I understand that I am living because my body still functions, and I didn't lose my mind yet, but I want at least one friend before I die. I have to say that so terribly because its true. I once had a childhood friend, we walked and talked like any other friends, but then she put me through lots; she put me aside when she was only looking for a husband, who now abuses her I hear, and I cannot do anything to help her. 

There is more to that story, but there is point in blaming, its just that I need to move on and live the rest of my life.

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Anonymous answered
My boyfriend died this past May. We dated for almost 6 years, since high school. I just graduated college and turned 23, and he would have been 22 in July. He was my life. He was my best friend. I'll always miss him and wish he was here.
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
You will eventaully get over it. My boyfriend died almost 4 years ago. It took me a while but I finally got over it you'll feel better soon keep your head up
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
I've never had this happen to me but what I can tell you is everything will be better in time! It may seem hard right now but as time goes by everything will get better. I wish you the best and if your feeling depressed to the point where you can't eat or talk or go out side & all you want to do is sleep I would prefer you to go see a doctor it is very important for the human body to get sleep.
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Anonymous answered
Wow am soooo sorry n I know most ppl told you its goin 2 be ok n its true but it mght take sum time...ive bn with my boyfriend since we were 14 and now we are 20 and I know I would go soooooooooooo crazy! If I lost him...I don't know how it feels 2 lose a boyfriend but I did lose my mother and I know its hard she died when I was just a little girl n it still hurts n I will never 4get wut happened but most importantly I will never ever 4get her gud luck everythinh will work out in its own time :d hope you feel better
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Anonymous answered
Wow you guys made me cry with your stories. Very sad to lose someone that you luv. I'm sorry for your loss, But I know God will help you all to fell better someday
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
Dylan. He was the best boyfriend ever. He laughed with me. He sang with me. He held me. Until June 30th 2010. Its EVERYONES loss that he died
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
My boyfriend died in September 2009. I miss him so much. We dated for three years. I have never felt so alone. So many things left undone.
Susan Wise Profile
Susan Wise answered
Yes, my son's father, passed away about a month ago, and so, I still do not fill human, now that he is gone
patricia ward Profile
patricia ward answered
Probably not while your younger but when you get older you will forget
thanked the writer.
Anonymous
Anonymous commented
Three weeks ago my best friend, boyfriend of four years (first love) boss and role model died in a car crash just minutes after we got off the phone. At the young age of 24 he owen two restaurants and one food court vendor, a 2007 BMW M coup series, 2005 RX8 Mazda, four bedroom condo at the base of a ski resort, and my heart. He was so successful the entire County of thousands knew about Jon and loved him. He touched so many peoples lives, especially mine. What do I now I look forward to nothing
SPANISH ROSE
SPANISH ROSE commented
Horrible response "patty 930" ugh. :(
Davuif Freites Profile
Davuif Freites answered
You need to either get over it, or stop posting bull like this. I doubt this really happened, you just need the attention because you are lonely. Died for no reason? HA. Not fooling me.

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