I was in the same situation. And it was really rough. When I met my boyfriend, he told me up front that he didn't want to be in a committed relationship. I'm really stubborn and even though I knew that I wanted to be with him the second I laid eyes on him, I told him that I didn't want a commitment either, just so he wouldn't feel pressured... We eventually started growing really close and saw each other every single day. We were always doing something fun, wild and spontaneous. We had passionate sex, we had intriguing conversations, we even started to share all the same friends. We had a real connection. After about 7-8 months of this, I really started to fall head over heels in love so I told him that maybe it was time that we be in a committed relationship. That's when he told me about his ex. He told me he had a ton of unresolved issues with her and that he didn't think he could ever love someone like that again. That was the most pain I have ever felt in my life. Here I was completely, unconditionally in love with a guy that I had spent every waking moment with for the past 8 months and he was in love with someone else this whole time. I didn't know what to do. All of my friends told me to run away screaming... But I truly loved him. I told him that I needed a break, some time away to think. He agreed... But then after a few days he started to call me again as if nothing ever happened... As if we never even had this conversation about his ex or his refusal for commitment... I was so into him, so much that I couldn't stay away, so I started to see him again, tried to play the role of the good, non-confrontational, easy-going girl, even though I was dying inside. About 3 months later I saw a text that he had sent to his ex's best friend, saying that he was still in love with her and that he'd wait for her forever... Furious, I stopped reading the text and I made the decision to stop seeing him. I just stopped talking to him, stopped returning his calls, his texts, stopped going out, stopped talking to all of our mutual friends... Until finally he caught up to me when I was leaving my apartment one day. I told him it was over and that I saw the text he wrote and that I wasn't going to chase after some guy that was in love with his ex. He got quiet, like he immediately knew what text I was referring to. He then told me that he realized he was wrong for writing that text and that I should have read the whole message. He still had the text in his phone and he showed me that after he wrote that, he had sent another text to her the next day saying that he "didn't know why he wrote that in the first place" and that he "was really confused when he wrote it because they never fully had any closure and not to tell her about it because that's not how he feels anymore, that he's in love with someone else now" After I saw that, I gave him a second chance. He fully committed to me from that day forward, and now we've been together, in a committed relationship, for a little over 4 years. I can't say it was easy. I still sometimes think about that text, and the 13 months of non-commitment that he put me through and I get ENRAGED. It was possibly the worst start to a relationship that I ever had, and with all of that came a TON of trust and insecurity issues to overcome... But I must say that through all these differences and countless arguments, we love each other and he hasn't spoke to her or any of her friends since we've been together. Sometimes it takes time to get over past relationships, I was frustrated because I wanted him to commit to me and turn off his feelings for her like some kind of light switch... But people are different. They need time and patience. If I had a second chance, I don't know if I would do things over in the same exact way, but life is a series of lessons and obstacles that you have to tackle. Nothing's ever easy. You have to take everything one day at a time. If something is too difficult for you to handle, you have to know your limits and your boundaries. I hope it helps knowing that there are other people out there who have gone through similar situations and succeeded in making things work. Good luck and stay hopeful!!!
