My Boyfriend Has Unresolved Issues With His Ex-fiance?

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Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
I was in the same situation. And it was really rough. When I met my boyfriend, he told me up front that he didn't want to be in a committed relationship. I'm really stubborn and even though I knew that I wanted to be with him the second I laid eyes on him, I told him that I didn't want a commitment either, just so he wouldn't feel pressured... We eventually started growing really close and saw each other every single day. We were always doing something fun, wild and spontaneous. We had passionate sex, we had intriguing conversations, we even started to share all the same friends. We had a real connection. After about 7-8 months of this, I really started to fall head over heels in love so I told him that maybe it was time that we be in a committed relationship. That's when he told me about his ex. He told me he had a ton of unresolved issues with her and that he didn't think he could ever love someone like that again. That was the most pain I have ever felt in my life. Here I was completely, unconditionally in love with a guy that I had spent every waking moment with for the past 8 months and he was in love with someone else this whole time. I didn't know what to do. All of my friends told me to  run away screaming... But I truly loved him. I told him that I needed a break, some time away to think. He agreed... But then after a few days he started to call me again as if nothing ever happened... As if we never even had this conversation about his ex or his refusal for commitment... I was so into him, so much that I couldn't stay away, so I started to see him again, tried to play the role of the good, non-confrontational, easy-going girl, even though I was dying inside. About 3 months later I saw a text that he had sent to his ex's best friend, saying that he was still in love with her and that he'd wait for her forever... Furious, I stopped reading the text and I made the decision to stop seeing him. I just stopped talking to him, stopped returning his calls, his texts, stopped going out, stopped talking to all of our mutual friends... Until finally he caught up to me when I was leaving my apartment one day. I told him it was over and that I saw the text he wrote and that I wasn't going to chase after some guy that was in love with his ex. He got quiet, like he immediately knew what text I was referring to. He then told me that he realized he was wrong for writing that text and that I should have read the whole message. He still had the text in his phone and he showed me that after he wrote that, he had sent another text to her the next day saying that he "didn't know why he wrote that in the first place" and that he "was really confused when he wrote it because they never fully had any closure and not to tell her about it because that's not how he feels anymore, that he's in love with someone else now"  After I saw that, I gave him a second chance. He fully committed to me from that day forward, and now we've been together, in a committed relationship, for a little over 4 years. I can't say it was easy. I still sometimes think about that text, and the 13 months of non-commitment that he put me through and I get ENRAGED. It was possibly the worst start to a relationship that I ever had, and with all of that came a TON of trust and insecurity issues to overcome... But I must say that through all these differences and countless arguments, we love each other and he hasn't spoke to her or any of her friends since we've been together. Sometimes it takes time to get over past relationships, I was frustrated because I wanted him to commit to me and turn off his feelings for her like some kind of light switch... But people are different. They need time and patience. If I had a second chance, I don't know if I would do things over in the same exact way, but life is a series of lessons and obstacles that you have to tackle. Nothing's ever easy.  You have to take everything one day at a time. If something is too difficult for you to handle, you have to know your limits and your boundaries. I hope it helps knowing that there are other people out there who have gone through similar situations and succeeded in making things work. Good luck and stay hopeful!!!
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
Your situation is not fair for you plus you are feeling depressed. I think you should seriously talk to the guy and tell him to stop seeing his ex or to then leave you alone until he makes up his mind. Do it for yourself not for him. If he loves you he WILL come back to you, and then you wil know he is for you. If not then you will know the answer, and he is not worth of you or your love.
The way I see it is that he has both ways now, you and his ex..Make it easier for him, do not allow that in your life ..you are not second hand. Be strong, even if you feel like calling him , don't. Be sure he knows what he wants when he comes back if he does. Do go out with friends and try to have fun. You deserve better. Remember, men like it hard not easy. Make it really hard for him!
Good luck.
lisa m Profile
lisa m answered
He is still in love with his ex  and I think you know it open your eyes young lady he still hast let go thats more than enough time and as for losing you he just doesn't want to be alone or is it you that doesn't want to be alone leave him there are already so many flags raised here and you say be patient you have benn and stick it out just to be waiting for some one in love with another person your better than that well good luck
Pixie Moore Profile
Pixie Moore answered
I have just read 'I Hate His Ex' by Alex Moore, found it really useful. I now feel able to resolve my relationship problems finally! :)
Steph House Profile
Steph House answered
I've been with my boyfriend for 4 years now, we both have had prior relationships.  I was married and was going through a divorce when we first met. He had just gone through a break up himself, where they were engaged.  I'm not sure what my issue is, but I feel so obsessed about their past. Crazy, since I'm the one that was married.  But, he would say things to me that would make me feel awesome! We would be out with all of our friends and he would be the life of the party, yelling across the room "You're my first, my last, my everything".  Something no one has ever done, and of course the girls would look at me like I was the lucky one.  Two years later, we move in together, I have a little girl from my marriage, where he has taken over the "fatherhood" and we recently had a baby of our own a few months ago. So everything is going great, BUT, he does still have the engagement ring and the wedding band from when he was going to marry the ex.  He went out of town recently, and I was in our safe and I wanted to look at her rings, as this is something I would do sometimes, because I want to marry him more than anything! So I would wear them, and wish that it was me that had them! Anyway, I'm not sure what made me look for the 1st time in 4 years, but I saw initials on the inside of the band.  M.F M.L M.E.  I couldn't figure out what that meant until just now. It hit me with a ton of bricks where I feel nauseas.  I don't know whether this is something that I would bring up to him?  I feel hurt, because I thought this was something he said to me only, it made me feel so special!  Now I feel like, what the heck? What should I do?  I feel so upset and hurt. Thanks!

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