Anonymous

Guys, if you'd been hurt in previous relationships, how could the woman you're dating make you feel more secure? Please assume that this *not* an excuse. He is a good man who's been through the ringer.

7 Answers

Jann Nikka Profile
Jann Nikka answered

No one can make you happy or feel secure, only you can.

Never hold hurt feeling or bring painful memories from a previous relationship, both of you will be very unhappy.

Work on yourself's self-esteem and being secure within yourself, then  pursue another person to compliment you. 

PJ Stein Profile
PJ Stein answered

Not a guy, but as a person who has been hurt, the only thing that helped was time and focusing on myself. It was only when I was secure in myself and happy with myself that I was able to be in a decent and lasting relationship. So in other words there is nothing you can do to fix him. He has to do it.

Bikergirl Anonymous Profile

I'm not a 'guy' .. But I can tell you one thing.  EVERYONE has experienced pain and disappointment in one way or another.  No one is emotionally pristine. Emotional pain and injury is no different than physical pain and injury .. It takes time to heal.  The deeper the cut, the longer it takes to heal .. Entering into a new relationship may help to bandaid the pain .. But it does not heal it.  ONLY time heals all wounds. 

If this guy is as good a man as you say he is .. Then allow him the time to heal. Be a friend .. And sometimes even a crutch for him to lean on .. But, allow time to do it's magic .. Do not pressure him into just 'get over it'  .. And eventually he will be able to be receptive enough to give all he's got to a new relationship .. But, not before he is emotionally ready.

Tom  Jackson Profile
Tom Jackson answered

I had a friend of mine one remind me that if you want to corral a spooked runaway calf, you better be ready to ride all over the range.

You might try something as basic as;  "Hey, I like you and I'd like to get to know you better. Given what you have been through, is there something I can do to make this easier?"

Sometimes, when asked, we men can actually tell you what we need.

Just make sure you think his requests are reasonable, and don't compromise yourself.

Good luck.

Zack -  Mr. GenXer Profile

I'm damaged goods. I'll ever have another relationship with a woman.

Arthur Wright Profile
Arthur Wright , Florida Paralegal with a BS degree in Social-Psychology, answered

Actions speak louder in these cases so show him and trust will follow but also he has to come to terms with it and cannot judge everyone new by his past experiences either.  This is why people shouldn't date those on the rebound as most are not totally over their past relationship and it takes time. Just be patient with him here knowing trust will take time if youre all this interested in him.  Good luck

Walt O'Reagun Profile
Walt O'Reagun answered

Personal security ... Emotionally or physically ... Does NOT come from others.  It comes from yourself.  Especially emotional security.  It's called "pride", "self respect", "self esteem", and "confidence".

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