Anonymous

I have a very difficult situation. I'm fairly certain that I have the innattentive form of ADHD based on everything I've heard, seen, or read. The trouble is, my mom will not take me seriously and take me to get an evaluation- she doesn't understand and calls me "lazy" all the time. The symptoms are having a HUGE impact on my life and some days I want to die because of this. What do I do???

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6 Answers

Veronica Dultry Profile
Veronica Dultry answered

I would wait until a good time and tell her you need to revisit this subject again. I would tell her about the seriousness that you feel about the subject and ask her what she thinks about you talking to a school counselor about it. Then I'd stop off at my school counselor and see what could be done about getting tested.

Don't give up. You keep talking about it until someone can hear you. If she still is not responsive get your father, aunt, uncle, grandmother, grandfather, godparent, anyone who could help you get tested. Either your school has resources or your family doctor has resources to point you and your parents in the right direction.

I am a parent who has a daughter who was diagnosed later in life with ADHD. Because there is a disconnect from your brain and your mouth and your brain and your hand with ADHD/ADD, she could not verbalize or write about her suffering. Suffer she did. Through research after her diagnosis I became aware of just how difficult this disorder is and how it can affect those undiagnosed. Because of her, I answer these type of questions, because if I can help one person, it's worth it. I understand, I believe you, go and get help.

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Jann Nikka
Jann Nikka commented
Excellent comments ⚀
Yin And Yang
Yin And Yang commented
Walter, you are part of my inspiration to speak out more about mental illness and it having a new face. You DO have wonderful advice to offer especially since you have been there done that. I understand the hesitant because of what your family had said. My husbands family (the only two he DID tell) told him to get over it already when his Grandpa was dying. I could have killed the two of them myself! That comment set him back! If more people spoke out, more people would know they are not alone, that they are normal and that they can get through this! I am so proud of you for all you have expressed about your story in the past. That takes courage! You DO have a lot to offer my friend!
Yin And Yang
Yin And Yang commented
You are doing very well at it for sure. I know you are not just letting people know they are not alone but for me you help me understand a little more of what my husband might be going through and how I could better be there for him. We are currently going through the first "his doctor could give a rats azz [email protected] about him" experience. Lets just say the pit bull in me got backed up into a wall and I "nipped" at Kaiser threatening to sue if anything ANYTHING happens to my husband! We will see if this so called doctor will actually LISTEN to the wife who KNOWS his patient better then anyone else! GRRRRRRRR! LOL!
Yin And Yang Profile
Yin And Yang answered

Your mom sounds like she is in some denial. I love Dragonfly's answer to you. Also I might suggest that you print up the stuff you are reading and show it to her so she can see that you are not just making it up or seeking attention.

Mental illness has gotten a "bad" rep through out the years but it needs to come into the light that MOST people suffer some sort of mental illness sometime in their life time. Mental illness needs a new face! If people saw mental illness with a new face maybe they would be not so afraid of it anymore.

Tom  Jackson Profile
Tom Jackson answered

There is another way, and it's probably not good for a first approach.

But if you run out of options, here's one more:

Try this:  "OK, mom, you think I'm just lazy.  So make an appointment with a doctor that is qualified to diagnose attention deficit disorder with or without the hyperactivity and if he says that it's just laziness, we'll discuss how I can do better."

And yes, I am ADHD, and it is difficult to function at 100% of ability without having some specific methods of adapting explained to you.

Also, I am 70 years old.  I was diagnosed at age 50.  That diagnosis changed my life.

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Tom  Jackson
Tom Jackson commented
Best of luck---Don't give up.

And if you can't get to a doctor, search with this phrase:

treating add without meds
Nina Varganov
Nina Varganov commented
Thank you Tom!
Tom  Jackson
Tom Jackson commented
You WILL learn to deal with this.

It turns out that higher intelligence and ADD tend to present together in the same individual.

I've always said that God knew we would need the intelligence to handle the ADD.

Once you get a handle on the ADD, the intelligence becomes a very nice bonus.
Barb Cala Profile
Barb Cala answered

If you're a minor, you have to rely on your parents to help you.  Is your Dad in the picture?  Can you go to the doctor and talk to him or her about this?  We really don't know the whole story or your Mom's side of this. 

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Nina Varganov
Nina Varganov commented
My mom just thinks it's something like going on WebMd and learning that you have "cancer". My dad is in san Diego. NO adult relatives within 2000 miles like I've said before
Lia Tan Profile
Lia Tan answered

So far, Yin and Yang and Dragonfly have provided with good answers! I'm only answering to share my personal experience and to support that you aren't alone.

I love my parents very much, I really do, but I totally understand that sometimes it's frustrating when they don't even try to understand what you're going through. My parents don't take mental illnesses of any kind very seriously. They think that it's just an excuse for people who are weak, who can't get their act together, who are lazy, or who want to do bad things. Growing up, I knew what they believed wasn't completely right but I thought that it would never affect me so I didn't bother with them about that.

It wasn't until I went to college where I was away from my parents that I was diagnosed with two mental illnesses. A lot of things started to make sense why I've always been dealing with all these issues that other people didn't seem to have. I was able to start taking medication and getting help (in college, it was relatively simple to get a prescription from the campus's psychiatrist, visit the campus pharmacy, and pay for it on my own or I could go drop by to see a campus psychologist for no cost) and it improved my condition a lot.

Sadly even after a formal diagnosis, my parents refuse to believe that I struggle with mental illness. They kept and still keep on insisting that it's because I am lazy, stupid, ungrateful, or whatever. Currently I'm visiting them for summer break and it's a lot harder to get help when you have a tight leash around your neck. I've been forced to get off of my meds and let me tell you, it hasn't been pretty. I understand that my parents do this because they are worried or because they are afraid, but it makes me sad that the stigma around mental health has blinded them so much.

My experience may not be super hopeful as it is still an ongoing event in my life, but I just wanted to let you know that you aren't by yourself. If your mother, like my parents, will continue to be in denial, you should still pursue help elsewhere. There are people out there who will believe you and can help you! For me, it was my school that started to help me and I am sure that there will be a way for you too. Don't give up!

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Yin And Yang
Yin And Yang commented
Lia, your answer is amazing! I am sorry you are going through rough times. I can not believe your parents made you get off the meds as that could be dangerous to your own physical health but if they are in denial.... wow, I am so sorry. I want to encourage you that even though it is still an ongoing event, you are still very helpful because it shows other people that even if they do seek help and "get better" mental illness is not something that goes away over night. It is a life long process for the most part. You are just showing her that there will be ups and downs in her own journey. I am so happy you answered this question. Take care and I hope you get back to school soon so you can go back to being taken care of the right way! :0)
Jann Nikka
Jann Nikka commented
Yep
Danae Hitch Profile
Danae Hitch answered

I just wanted to thank everyone for being so transparent in their answers. It gives people that are reading these threads so much hope. It seems that parents run the gamut from being completely understanding and wanting to help, to denying there is even an issue.

Nina, you are not alone in this struggle, as you can see.  Everyone has given some good suggestions that might help your parents see that you have a real issue and hopefully they will get you some help. Good luck, my friend.

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