Anonymous

My boyfriends best friend tried to break us up -well he did for a few days. We're back together and he wants me to be friends with his friend. I can't stand him and don't want to talk, see him or have him round MY house, what can I do?

4 Answers

Rooster Cogburn Profile
Rooster Cogburn , Rooster Cogburn, answered

About the only thing you can do is tell your boyfriend about this. If he's really your boyfriend, he'll listen to you and abide by your wishes.

Nice Girl Profile
Nice Girl answered

i think you should just explain to that guy who's telling you to be friends with his friend that you can't be friends and that you can't stand him!

You should tell him in a nice and polite way so that there is no fuss !

And he'll understand you!

Marta Catalano Profile
Marta Catalano answered

I think it's important to talk with him about it and say how you feel.  Of course he wants you to be friends with his friends: You're both extremely important people to him so maybe he forgave his friends and would like you to do the same.

This is not always easy, especially when it comes to these delicate situations. This friend behaved pretty badly and you might not want to forgive him straight away, which would be quite understandable.

Explain to your boyfriend how you feel and how his friend's behaviour affected the way you think about him. Tell him that you wouldn't like to have him around, specifically because he acted that way. Maybe you need more time but right now you don't want to spend time with him . Although he might wish you to be friends, your boyfriend shouldn't force you in any way and should understand why you act this way.

Communication is the key and don't be afraid to say what you think and feel because it's your right. Hope things work out well for you!

Elica Zadeh Profile
Elica Zadeh answered

Having to deal with your boyfriend's best friend may not be the easiest of tasks, but there are a few things that you may want to consider.

Firstly, entering any adult relationship requires a certain degree of compromise. The goal is not to find the perfect person, but to find somebody who is willing to grow and learn with you. There are certain things that you may or may not be willing to bend on and vice versa.

The key is to work out your bottom line. In every relationship, it is imperative to share a mutual respect for that which is deemed to be your respective hard limits. If you are able to compromise on this situation with his best friend, it is important that you try. If this is not your absolute hard limit, you might consider bending in order to save your relationship. Every successful relationship requires a certain degree of sacrifice.

On the other hand, if you feel you have been gravely disrespected by your boyfriend's best friend, and there is absolutely no way you can get past it, it is imperative that you sit down and talk openly about the situation with your boyfriend, outlining exactly how you feel and the emotional turmoil you are experiencing. Ask him to come to a compromise with you, where you don't have to see his friend as regularly, if at all. If your boyfriend loves and cares for you, he should be able to respect your feelings, or at least reason with the fact that his friend's presence is highly distressing to you.

You can read an article I wrote below, which irons out neatly the concept of a 'bottom line.'

Everybody has a bottom line

Ultimately, make sure that what you're arguing over is worth the tension. Pick your battles, sometimes peace is better than being right.

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