Thanks people! Here goes the full version of what happened till now which i drafted but couldn't ask because of the char count. Sad or funny please read it :)
Judge me! Suggest me! Help me! :D
I like this guy at office who sits next to me..he's smart , intelligent and funny(don't think i'm desperate)..but the only thing stops me(in-spite of this huge crush on him) from talking to him is, he rarely talks to women..unless until someone asks him something..he never comes up and talks to anyone..this kinda attitude generally turns me off but somehow I just cant avoid thinking of him , secretly staring at him and try to gather information about him..this has gone to the extent that these days I wouldn't sleep without looking at his picture in my mobile phone. I actually started looking into void and I see his face , I suddenly turn and look at some random guy and think its him.I'm going crazy! I think a bit too much about him that is resulting in all these illusions. I wanted to talk to him but I freeze whenever I see him. I also get this weird feeling that he secretly looks at me . I'm not very sure though. This feeling kills me. Does he like me too? Is he waiting to talk to me too..but given his attitude is he waiting for me to start the conversation? This went on for 6 months and I almost gave up as this was not working. Why I came to this conclusion is this incident -- I was so obsessed with this guy that one day I decided to talk to him and since this wouldn't work in person..I decided it would be better on a social networking site..so when I ping'd him..(not knowing what to ask..I asked something related to work which was totally unrelated to him)..it goes like this.."hello" "ya hi" "blah blah about work" "how would I know?"..my heart sank..my eyes were moist and within no time I was crying into my pillow..I gave up!
The next 2-3 months I just stopped thinking about him..looking at him and totally was trying my best to get over him..this period I also observed that he keeps hitting on things so as to make a noise when I talk to some other guy for a while and walks away from the place suddenly..may be I'm imaging things..he being jealous is too good to be true..I never analyzed more on this ..but that day when I heard he's moving to some country for a year or more..I was upset all of a sudden..I thought he was out of my mind..but that day I felt the pain of separation..like something hit me hard in my chest..I decided I will give it a try one more time as there were only 4 weeks before he leaves..
The first week
I was in trouble and my job was at stake. I somehow managed to get through but that day what I observed gave me the strength to give it a try. I was all panicky, troubled and in a state of utter confusion. I (unintentionally) turned towards him and he looked worried and it looked like he was trying to help me( though he never talked i could see it). I was out of trouble and he was back to normal with his aloof nature. I ping'd him the next day and it was a casual talk for about an hour and he was actually talking like anyone else would do with all the smileys and giggles. I felt I was talking to a new person. The chat ended and I was happy..you know how I would feel! I couldn't stop smiling and laughing to myself. I read the conversation over and over and I was never bored of reading it until the next day when I ping'd him and he never replied..the whole day! I thought he was busy and I was sad the whole day.
The next day at office he never talked or smiled and so did I.
The next 3 days were a bit busy but there was a bit of talking too (only a minute or two) and I was satisfied with that. I knew I wouldn't get more from him.
It's Friday today and I was literally going around his place and messing up with his things (for some reason I don't know..the obsession may be!) and at the end of the day while leaving I asked him something stupid and he turned back and made an apt funny face and immediately turned towards his work machine and started working and said "I'm a bit busy now" . My heart which was singing by now stopped the song at once :D I dint feel bad..I consoled myself by saying he's too shy to talk when others are around because the short lived conversation previously in this week were when there was no one around. I came home with a happy heart but history repeats..I ping'd him and he never replied!
The day ends here and I'm confused. Three more weeks left. I'm confused.
Is this a crush that is deep enough that I feel like I'm in love with this guy?
Is it my loneliness that is making me desperate about him?
Does he really like me?
Should I go ahead or put an end to it here so that I wont get hurt in future?
Help me people! Please! I don't have much time.
Ps: I had a recent break-up where the relationship was meaningless and going nowhere kind.