Divorcing My Narcissistic Husband, Have To Live Together For A Couple More Weeks.Emotionally Worn Down. Can You Help?

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3 Answers

carrie Profile
carrie answered
I'm so sorry. I am also in the middle of a divorce from a Narcissist plus he is bipolar. Have you talked to an attorney regarding finances? And as far as the verbal cruelty, I just do not allow my ex to engage me at all. I do not respond to anything he says anymore. And considering that we have two kids that he sees about twice a week, it's tough. He sends me nasty emails and leaves horrible voice mails. I just save it all to take back into court with me. And I was awarded full custody of the kids because of how nasty he has been and the Judge and Mediator both saw that he was out of control.
So try not to get drawn into talking with him. You know he will be cruel and it just isn't productive for you. Try to have a 3rd party (friend, lawyer, family member) around whenever you HAVE to talk to him. I hope either you can move out soon or he gets out.
Good luck. Remember to take care of yourself. That's the part I have a hard time with...
thanked the writer.
Lisa Marciano
Lisa Marciano commented
Thank you. Wow it feels so strange to hear kind encouraging words. Yea he's playing games with finances so I'm trying to have the lawyers handle it exclusively but you can imagine the logistics of that while we are still living together. He's is moving out on Oct 1 so until then it's just a matter of avoiding conflict as much as possible.
There is a different dimension in this process for me then for him (surprise right) This divorce has really made its own way for me. When I began to search for the truth about us and me and stuff it kind of unfolded by itself. TRUTH is truly truly powerful when you let it just be. So you can imagine that he is a bit resentful with me breaking the perfect family picture and all. The hardest part is literally remembering that when I look back on this path in my life I really want to be able to with dignity and pride. While looking at this site I've gotten alot of helpful information about some potential explanations about his unpredictable behavior. Narcissism, Bpd for starters. I generally don't like labels and avoid them as much as possible. Understanding these characteristics has given me hope, validation, direction and a clear focus on how to deal with him. It sounds like you have gone through alot of the same. And yea for justice huh! I wish that my husband was that unwise to let others see it or hear it. It's funny to see the advice to take care of yourself. (WHAT THE HECK DOES THAT EVEN MEAN!!!) I'd be happy to have a night where I could sit and struggle with the guilt for watching a movie- anything that doesn't involve being dragged into another encounter with him. Thanks again for taking the time to write. I really appreciate the reminders.

Peace to you and your family.
carrie
carrie commented
Feel free to leave comments in my shout box any time you need to just vent. I actually left the hospital the day after our 2nd child was born. I had finally decided that I was done. And then it took me another 2 years before I finally filed for divorce. I was so lucky that the Mediator (they are required in CA when their are kids) we got was both a psychologish and a lawyer. She saw right through him and I had had the foresite to save EVERY nasty thing he had ever sent me or left in a voice mail. And I got letters from everyone who knew us and filed them with the court. I wanted to make sure I got the kids. And he is still in shock that he didn't even get overnight visits with the kids. It helped that he send a psycho letter to my parents that I filed with the court. He has made all sorts of crazy allegations about me (I'm a drug addict, I'm a lesbian, I abandon the children at night to go out drinking, I sleep with the neighbor's husbands...)that were all so easy to prove otherwise. It really was redeeming. And I learned early on after I filed for divorce that I had to just stop responding to him in any way. It wasn't making me feel better and it just gave him more fuel. Plus it really really gets to a Narcissist when you don't respond to them. Oh, and as far as taking care of yourself--the last movie I watched was Nemo for the 500th time. Or was it Cars? Or Ratatouille? I go to school full time and it's hard to balance things. I haven't quite mastered it yet. But I am so much happier now without him. I know I have to deal with him for at least 15 more years but at least I don't have to answer to him. Or even acknolwedge him. I can look back at everything and know that I did the best thing for me and our kids. And I never resorted to name calling or nastiness. So any time you need to vent or need a kind word, just drop me a line.
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
Do either of you have any legal advice for me on how to secure custody of my 3 kids.  I am in the same situation as you both (divorcing a narcissist).  Is there specific info I should be documenting so that I may gain full custody with no overnight visits?
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
My heart goes out to you, have you filed contested? This will give your lawyer the right to freeze all assets and protect you. I have been in a relationship almost 13 years. I too am worn out. Focus on Relief, this to shall pass and can only get better eventually! My faith has keep me going! They are mean and hateful!!! We do not deserve . None of us are perfect, but we are working against a force that wont budge.. They are trapped, very sad, but mine stays in denial!! Email me anytime, maybe we can help each other!! Tina

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