Why Doesn't My Girlfriend Obey Me? 


10 Answers

Yo Kass Profile
Yo Kass answered
Mutual respect is the key to any relationship. This may sound like the opening line from a marital self-help book, but it's true. Your girlfriend should respect you and want to please you, and in return you should respect her choices and needs.

How to make my girlfriend obey me

I think the use of the word 'obey' may be an issue we need to look at first. Obviously, everyone's relationship is different, but the idea that your girlfriend is duty-bound to 'obey' you might not go down so well with all women.

'Obeying' suggests that you want her to follow your commands without any consideration. Whilst most relationships require both partners to respect each other's wishes, following orders or regulations sounds a bit heavy to me.

The best thing to do is to sit down with your girlfriend and discuss exactly what it is you both expect from the relationship. If she's going out of her way to do things that she knows you disapprove of, then this can be a major issue that needs examining.

On the other hand, if you are being too demanding and possessive, it may be worth taking some time out for introspection.

I need my girlfriend to obey me

If you've had a good think about it and decided that you need to be in a relationship where the women completely submits to your will, then there are only two real options:
  • Persuade your girlfriend to adopt a more submissive role
  • Find someone who is looking for that type of relationship (some women even find complete submission to a man rather kinky)
Just remember- there's no point expecting someone to act in a way that makes them feel uncomfortable. Your girlfriend has every right to be happy in the relationship, and you should always take into consideration her perspective on things too.
Denise Uy Profile
Denise Uy answered
She may not be obeying your instructions maybe because you are not also obeying her instructions. Or maybe she doesn't trust you.

What you can do is, talk to her personally and ask her why - or you can tell her that you love her and you care for her, and that you don't want to see her do something like that (depends whether what she is doing is good or bad).

Or maybe the problem is you. Maybe she wants to break up with you but can't tell you directly so she's not obeying you to make you mad and break up with her.

This is not really a hard question to answer because when you asked about it you already have an answer in your head, but you just want to clarify it.
Mia Teeliumtrozzle Profile
You and your girlfriend are both human beings. You have equal rights and are both entitled to liberty and dignity. You should certainly honour each other's wishes if you are in a committed relationship. But you can't boss her around, because that's not fair.

It is understandable that she may wish to go out and you can go with her, of course, but you shouldn't try to stop her enjoying things.
Muhammad Abdullah786 Profile
Very strange, why don't you go and ask her directly what is the problem with her? Maybe there is a misunderstanding between you two. Go and ask her because you are friends and no-one can understand what you feel.

One thing I want to say is please try to give space to your partner. Always consider her point of view too. The thing which hurts you may be hurting her as well also in the same way. Stop saying that she has to obey you - but ask her in a beautiful manner.

For her I want to say that she has to consider your advice because you are her well-wisher, you don't want any bad things to happen to her. If she has any objection she can tell you directly or can share her point of view about why she is doing this.

Whenever you create a relationship, give equal rights, liberty and space to each other, give each other the authority to save you from any harm.

So go and ask her and your problem will be solved within no time.
thanked the writer.
Andrew Lue
Andrew Lue commented
Common problem with my friends and myself. Its become almost obvious to me, always ask her first. Sit her down and have a real conversation with her. Put all the feelings aside and ask her to explain how she feels. You should always get the answer that is needed to help in any situation that you and your partner are going through. Be open minded and realize that you are not her father nor her spouse. A boyfriend/girlfriend relationship is a choice, something that you can cut off easier than anything that is more serious. When you come to the point that you now know that she is there because she chooses to you will realize she is also going to do what she chooses too. Hopefully it is in your favor, if it isn't then just talk it through. Communication is the key to everything in life.
Taylor Edgar Profile
Taylor Edgar answered
Lighten up. You are in severe danger of coming across to your girlfriend as a control freak...if you haven't done so already.

Of course, some people are naturally contrary and will make a point of digging their heels in when advised against a particular course of action. Maybe this is what is happening with your girlfriend.

However, I suspect - and this is only my opinion for what it is worth - that this question says more about you than it does about your girlfriend. Could it be perhaps, that you are feeling insecure in this relationship?

Advising your girlfriend and offering advice - particularly if it hasn't been asked for in the first place - betrays the fact that you are feeling vulnerable and not in control. You need to get out of this mindset or you risk driving your girlfriend away.

Try to relax and not get so uptight. Any relationship that lasts and is worthwhile is only ever based on trust.
Andrew Lue Profile
Andrew Lue answered
Common problem for me in my relationship. It's become almost obvious to me, you should always ask for her opinion. Never make it seem like you are ordering her around or that she has no other option other than to do what you say. Anyone would be tempted to do the exact opposite when you are being strict with them. You aren't her father nor her spouse so the relationship is a choice. Respect that she has her own wishes/agenda/plans and that the relationship is a mutual agreement.
Irum Inayat Profile
Irum Inayat answered
Everybody has got his/her own way of life. We can't master other's activities or make them obey whatever we are saying. So maybe she has got the kind of nature that, when she is asked to do something, she might get an urge not to do it. It's kind of a psychological problem, an abnormal behaviour, but still you should also give her space. Don't guide her every time regarding what she is supposed to do and what not.
Adella Svit-Kona Profile
Why should she? You're living in the 16th century when it's the 21st century. Hello! Your girlfriend doesn't have to "obey" you! Why should she? You sound like a control freak. I wouldn't be surprised if she dumped you tomorrow! Let her be her own person.
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
She doesn't obey you because she doesn't have to!!! Why would she?! Do you 'obey' her? You are both individuals its not like you're her master!!!!!

Have you asked her? Because to be quite honest if you have asked her why she's not obeying you I would have laughed in your face! She can go wherever she wants!!!!

If your relationship is to go anywhere I would advise you to give her some space and freedom you can't be together 24/7!
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
She needs consequences. Just like everyone else is saying: Why would she obey you when she is an individual??? Well give her a reason to obey you. Don't be abusive exactly, but you can go out of your way to do good things for her and opt out of doing those things if she doesn't do what you like. If you're buying her food and she does something, just tell her you won't buy food again then.

If it comes down to it (if this is the relationship you're wanting), it can come down to either obeying you or you breaking up with her. It may be difficult though because if you ARE going to be that controlling, it seems most people would be okay with the break-up.

I would say also make sure to seem nice, that way she won't want to rebel as much. It seems harsh to have consequences, but I think a girl can like a guy who has a plan and can be firm.

But all of this is coming from a guy who has never had a girlfriend. I hope you do realize you ARE more controlling (at least the way you worded your question) than most relationships should be. Doesn't mean it's bad though as long as you can handle it when things don't go your way.

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