My Husband Died Two Years Ago And I Have Understandably Closed Off Emotionally And Socially. But Recently, I Have Started To Feel Like Going Out And Seeing People Again. This Is Scaring Me To The Point Where I Am Putting Off Invitations And Overtures From Men. How Do I Take Some First Steps?


3 Answers

Gillian Smith Profile
Gillian Smith answered
Loosing your partner can be so devasting that you can't even think of meeting other men in the early stages of bereavement.
You are very lucky to be having overtures from men! Feel complimented and take a deep breathe and decide to go out, even if it's with a group of people doing something you enjoy . There's no pressure to find another partner and you may still feel it's too ealy to want this at present.
Why not join a group or two such as a reading group, walking group or suchlike and get to know a range of people to enjoy interests with?
After being part of a loving partnership for years it's very difficult to think of new relationships and you might decide this isn't waht you want but making new friends and getting new interests does help a lot and helps to ste the lonliness which comes from being widowed. I've started to join new groups, take up new interests and find that is a good way of getting out again without any pressure to meet a new partner because other people think after two years that's what you should be doing! Don't be pressurised and take things at your own pace but don't be lonely either there are so many interesting things to do. If you live in the UK have you thought of joining the University of the Third Age? It offers all sorts of courses, activities and you'll meet lots of interesting people, many of whom will have been in your postion and can offer friendship and support whilst having a great time learing and getting out and about.
charmaine saunders Profile
That's exactly it - you take some first steps and trust that you will build up some confidence as you go along. Of course it's going to feel strange dating again because of changes and because of your bereavement. The best way to start is to join a club, preferably with like-minded people. That will allow you to put your toes into the water and wade in later. It IS going to take time but remember guys are scared too. Lots of men ask me about dating when they're older and find themselves suddenly single again. Certainly don't feel you have to be intimate if you don't want to. Just go out and have a great time and meet lots of new people of both sexes and make friends which will boost your confidence levels.
When you meet someone special again and feel ready for more, you'll fall naturally back into the dating mode.
Aamir Riaz Profile
Aamir Riaz answered
This is not the unnatural feeling that you are having the urge to go out and start seeing people again. It is just the normal behaviour. In fact it would have been unnatural if you would have felt the other way.

Becoming widow is not your crime it is just a social status name which is assigned to you as per the missing of a relationship. It is no offence or crime to be afraid of. Your late husband has not taken the right of being a woman along with him. They are still there and you are still a woman. Your passions and feeling are still there to remind you that you are still alive and want a colourful life again.

So, take a first step and accept an invitation from a person who you consider would be appropriate and sensible enough to understand your condition. Because it would be tough for you as well to be with some other person at your late husband's place.

Therefore, it is suggested to choose your man wisely and take your time to do so, because it is important not get hurt by the feelings when going out for the first time after the said incident.

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