What would you do if you were faced with this situation? (Details below. Sorry it's so long.)


7 Answers

Yin And Yang Profile
Yin And Yang answered

My dad's still in the hospital but the doctors say his kidneys are stable as of yesterday. Here is my dilemma... My dad wants to sign himself out against medical advice (AMA) He says if i dont get him out of there he will crawl out Monday. I dont blame him, however on one side a cat scan shows (the doctor thinks) my dad had a mini stroke when he was home. He wants to run some more tests. My dad can not eat because everything burns his esophagus. He swallows water and ice just fine. Its not a swallowing problem. He hasn't eaten since December 31st and the dr wont give him nutrients through the IV because of his kidneys. I managed to get him to eat a yogurt and half of a nutrient filled fruit drink. For about two weeks he hasn't been able to walk. About a week he can't stand. I am working on helping him sit and stand right now. If he comes home I don't have the confidence in myself that I could care correctly for his chest catheter they put in for dialysis or the wound on his foot. I fear "what if" he falls out of bed being so weak still. On the other hand... I fear leaving him in the care of the hospital when I'm not there. So far I have caught 2 MAJOR mistakes 1 being another patients name on my dad's medicine (yes I checked the medicine was correct, just the patient was mixed up) and another time the nurse swore my dad had his oxygen on after he came back from a procedure. It didn't look on to me. She said no it's on. I said okay?.... Then she actually checked to see if it was on and IT WAS TURNED OFF! I don't know how long he was with out the oxygen! It caught my attention because his o2 numbers on the blood pressure machine was beeping and I noticed it beeped everytime it went below 90! They didnt catch the beep OR the oxygen being off! Yesterday when I went to see him (I was able to go an hour and a half after a phone call from the dr.) He sat in poop for an hour THAT I KNOW OF! Then his nurse lied to me saying she just checked him and changed him when he was sitting in the chair 45 mins before I showed up and he was fine. She did not know that THAT was the reason why the doctor called me... Because dad was refusing to sit in the chair for him.... I spoke to the Dr AFTER the chair and an hour and a half BEFORE I got there! She did not have him checked and tended to while in the chair 45 mins prior because then WHY would the Dr call me saying he is refusing to sit in a chair and he can't release him till he does! Grrrrr! What would you do.... Try to convince him to stay? Or be his ride home on his own AMA? How do you tell your parent no? And yet how do I feel he is in the best care at this negligent hospital!? I'm so torn!

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Yin And Yang
Yin And Yang commented
Thank you so much my friend. I am being like a "sweet" innocent puppy but as soon as he is out of harms way.... I will unleash the hound inside of me. Yes, THANK YOU for this step to direction on where to turn. I had someone tell me seek legal advice before I do.
Joyce Hall
Joyce Hall commented
Its up to u of course, but I didn't get legal advice. Some years ago, my husband was sick and I didn't think the Dr was helping him, so I reported him. That Dr has since left the practice and the area.
Joyce Hall
Joyce Hall commented
Get your dad out of that hosp ASAP! Before something horrible happens. Life can b unpredictable.
Tom  Jackson Profile
Tom Jackson answered

That's a tough one, Yin

Personally, I never had to parent my parents---and quite frankly, I probably would not have been able to do so successfully on my own due to the dynamics in my nuclear family before I left for college.

It's important to have options. Would a transfer to another hospital for treatment be possible?

Beyond that, I fear I have no useful advice.

If you have a few minutes to stop thinking about it, asking JC to help you arrange your thoughts in an approppriate way for evaluation usually works well for me.

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Yin And Yang
Yin And Yang commented
You hit the nail on the head for me. This is what I had to do in order to rest at least a couple hours last night. I basically said "Jesus, I can't make this decision with out You. Here You take it" and left it at His feet. Lol! And I didn't make any decision except for to smile at dad, ask a bunch of questions with the doctors and nurses (so they know I am watching... 😅) and rest in Him. Amen. Thank you my friend for your heartfelt answer. ☺
Tom  Jackson
Tom Jackson commented
Yep---JC is the ultimate "go-to" guy.
Janis Haskell Profile
Janis Haskell answered

I think you need to speak privately to your father's doctor and tell him exactly what you've told us.  Tell him that you feel compelled to report the nurse's negligence, and ask for his help in relocating your dad.

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Yin And Yang
Yin And Yang commented
Today I went early so I can observe the physical therapist. He only works Sunday's and Mondays but he was wonderful and kind. My dad sat, stood and actually took 2 steps sideways with a walker! 🤗 The "speech lady" got kicked out when she tried to get him to eat a toasted bagel! This was after he did all her other "tests" successfully but informing her it feels like acid going down his throat and that's why he couldn't eat, not because of a stroke problem. She didn't like it but the Dr is now giving him something for stomach acid and the nurse today was so wonderful! Today worked out great. He ate a half of yogurt, a couple bites of Apple sauce and one pudding then he was stuffed! Lol! It's a start and I'll take it! I'm gonna go back and check on him during night shift... cuz he decided to stay another day! 😉
Yin And Yang
Yin And Yang commented
Thank you dearly for your help my friend. ☺
Darik Majoren Profile
Darik Majoren answered

If you don't have a POA (Durable Power of Attorney) then there isn't a lot you can do on their behalf.

I went through this with both my father and just recently with my Father-in-Law. The problem is they get to the point where they still think they are fully cognitive and capable of making decisions regarding their own health and finances. It is important to for these discussion to happen long before you get to a point where you end up having to fight for ability to help your parent.

Currently, my Mother-in-Law has a nurse come in to check on her once a day. To get her up, and start the day, but my wife and I have to take care of her finances and get her to doctor's visits and grocery shop (for prepared foods because she can barely run a microwave).

This is not the best place to be in but you will make it through. If anything it has shown my wife and I that we need to have things in place long before we get to that point in our lives for our children.

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Yin And Yang
Yin And Yang commented
This is a good point my friend. Thank you again. ☺
And yes, I agree with siblings and tension when there is grief in the family. I like to say "grief wears a mask of many different faces." Looking back now, as I write my book, I can clearly see that statement to be true.
Darik Majoren
Darik Majoren commented
I was listening to an NPR segment about aging Parents and those that made provisions for the family regarding death, and those that did not . . .
I was amazed at how thorough some where in having family meetings to talk about who will take control of the parents going into the hospital or phasing into hospice care.
I could identify with the stories in that same segment where no plans were made and siblings had to take control and other siblings were so angry that it divided the family forever. This is the case with my Older sister . . . she is unwelcome in our home. Its just what happens when nothing is planned . . .
Yin And Yang
Yin And Yang commented
THAT IS SO SCARY! Wow! I can see how that could divide a family. 😔 Death is such a difficult subject for most people.
Otis Campbell Profile
Otis Campbell answered

Good answers here i will pray for u

PJ Stein Profile
PJ Stein answered

Yin, I am so sorry you and your family are dealing with this. If possible I would look for another facility. Either an assisted living facility or another hospital. Some place you can get a second opinion, and care you don't need to worry if they are doing everything right. Prayers for you, your father, and your family. ((((HUGS))))

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Yin And Yang
Yin And Yang commented
Your words are dear to me my friend. Thank you dearly. I didnt think of the assisted living just till he is strong enough to eat. The doctor offered a rehab to walk. If I may, please pray for wisdom and guidance for us as well. ☺
PJ Stein
PJ Stein commented
Yin And Yang
Yin And Yang commented
Thank you thank you thank you!!!!! ☺
Ancient One Profile
Ancient One answered

You have to be your dad's protector, in all ways. If you don't feel you can do something find another way to do it. My beloved wife was in the hospital in a drug induced coma for 32 days. I was there every day 08:00 a.m. To 11:00 p.m. . I witnessed several "errors in my  opinion" the first two weeks and I wrote a very strong letter to the Hospital Administrator. I won't go in to all the details but they corrected many things and straightened out many people. I am normally a mellow man but I was her only advocate and I made sure no one messed with her.

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Yin And Yang
Yin And Yang commented
My dear friend, I am so sorry. I just saw your answer. You certainly are a wonderful person. You were exactly what she needed in her fragile state. I am so sorry you had to go through that on top of your beloved having to be in the hospital. You are a strong man my friend. She would be so proud of you. I am sure she heard everything you did for her and she probably thought of you as her hero. I am so glad that something "good" came out of all that. I think now that my dad is out, i will bring it to the administrators attention of what I witnessed. Thank you again for your heartfelt answer. ☺

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