Anonymous

My boyfriend wants to get married bc I'm going to the army? We're 17.So I'm going active and my boyfriend is upset bc I'm going to be gone for 3 years. He's mad that I don't want to get married and he doesn't like distance. What do I do?

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11 Answers

Jann Nikka Profile
Jann Nikka answered

PLEASE DO NOT GET MARRIED AT 17.

Explore your world, enjoy getting to know yourself and your Army career. Continue to be good friends, write, FB, Twitter, Instagram, send small gifts (under $20) text, email, send I miss you cards, Skype, visit each other and after 3 years of  Army Life and you still love him get married.

Cookie Roma Profile
Cookie Roma answered

Don't jet him m talk you out of doing this.  Believe it or not 3 years isn't very long at all. You both will only be 20.  If this relationship is meant to be , you'll still be able to be together in 3 years.  My youngest is 21 and a half and while she has been with her boyfriend (really great guy) for just over a year.  They are both in college and aren't ready to actually consider marriage anytime soon. 

Yin And Yang Profile
Yin And Yang answered

Sounds like he is insecure to me..... Or he is just looking to see that you are committed to him and he's not wasting his life away waiting for you. Or he has too much time on his hands because he is too focused on your career and neglected to find a career of his own. Maybe he really DOES love you or maybe he is a control freak. It's hard to say but you sound a little more distant in the relationship then he is.

PJ Stein Profile
PJ Stein answered

As the spouse of someone in the Army, even if you were married, you are still going to be dealing with a long distance relationship. Before my husband got out he was gone for almost every birthday, anniversary, Valentine's day. We spent Christmas and all the other holidays away from our family.  If he can't handle a long distance relationship, he is not who you want to marry and be in the Army. Let him down as gently but as firmly as you can and follow your dreams.

Didge Doo Profile
Didge Doo answered

If he's already trying to dominate your future be very pleased that he's a boyfriend and not a husband.

Run!

Michael Poland Profile
Michael Poland answered

If rolls were reverse, how would you feel?

Would you wait for him for three years?

It is rare to find a guy his age that wants to commit.

He must really feel your the one.

Follow your Heart not your head.

Toxic Hairball Profile
Toxic Hairball answered

Its too early to get married. You are about to embark on a great adventure, see the world and meet people who will change you. He appears intent on holding you to his ideals, not allow yours. You deserve to be free now.

Bikergirl Anonymous Profile

I can understand his being difficult about this .. Perhaps he does love you, and wants a future with you .. And for his own reasons doesn't want to be apart from you. At 17 he hasn't yet reached a maturity stage where he can think about your needs above his own. This is something YOU want to do and I assume you know everything about what it involves.

This is a huge commitment .. Not just for you...but for him too, As well as your entire family.  If he truly loves you, he will sacrifice along with you and your family . That is what entire families do to support loved ones going into the military. Everyone sacrifices, not just the soldier.

You have to think about this and so what is best for you.

Marriage shouldn't even be on  the table right now .. not at your age. You haven't even begun to understand the world around you nevermind know that you want to commit to a Marriage under pressure. 

Tom  Jackson Profile
Tom Jackson answered

Your wants and his wants are about 180 degrees apart.

No one should get married if they don't want to.

I'd say marriage is out of the question. 

And realistically, maintaining that relationship without the level of commitment that marriage entails is probably unrealistic.

Best advice---enlist and see what happens in the future.

And yes, I expect it will be hard.

Pepper pot Profile
Pepper pot answered

If you want to join the army then do so. Tell him you can write to eachother, if he doesn't agree or finds someone else then there's no loss, at least you didn't marry someone, divorce and realise you gave up your dream for it. They say it is hard to live with regret or resentment so make your choices well.

My cousin met a man in the army, they were both young. She accepted that he'd be away alot, but after a few years they did get married and eventually she lived in the barracks with the other army wives, they lived in Germay for seven years. They had two children, are now back in England. So stick with what you want to do.

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