My boyfriend wants to go backpacking for a year and because I am a nursing student, I won't be able to come or afford it. He said he just needs a year to figure himself out. I spent 3 years with a guy who is just leaving me for a year?! What do i do?

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10 Answers

Jaimie  JT Profile
Jaimie JT answered

If you love him let him go.  If he doesn't come back ... Hunt him down and kill him or at least break one of his bones ...cos I said so , RAAAAAR ;p

Jann Nikka Profile
Jann Nikka answered

let him go go go go go go go go

I mean no disrespect when I tell you this, but you have probably wasted 3 years on a man who has not appreciated your love, faithfulness and your patience. He wanted to leave a long time ago and you refused to take hints, you know in your heart he wants to move on therefore you really need to let him go go go go go go go go go go go. Hopefully, you will learn to love Nicole and see she is worthy of a good man who has not spent 3 years trying to get rid of her. Let him go go go go go go go go.

Update: Please Please don't get pregnant please don't. That will not make him stay and you will most likely be alone with a child. Concentrate on your nursing degree and you will meet other nurses, doctors and medical personnel.

Zack -  Mr. GenXer Profile

Let me tell you this. You are going to do whatever you want to do regardless of what any of us strangers tell you. He's going to go "find himself". Sounds like you need to do the same thing.

Tom  Jackson Profile
Tom Jackson answered

This is less about love than is about timing and practicality and the desire of at least one person to fulfill a desire that is generally incompatible with his current long term relationship.

You have a 3 year investment in him and this relationship, and in my book, that gives you the right to ask him for what you want.

And yes, the outcome cannot be predicted---almost anything can work or not work.

This would be a good time to talk to a professional to more accurately assess options and outcomes and to clarify where you are in your feelings and expectations on this major life event.

PJ Stein Profile
PJ Stein answered

While it is understandable that you don't want him to go, it is important ou have to let him decide on what he wants. When you said you wre going to nursing school, did he support that decision? If you love him, you should support is decision, but it doesn't mean you have to like it.

My husband has chosen to do things that I didn't agree with or like but he felt it was important so I supported him in those decisions.

Didge Doo Profile
Didge Doo answered

Back in the day I worked with a woman whose fiancé had gone to London to work in a bank. He was scheduled to stay there for two years.

She was a lovely woman in every way you could imagine -- looks and personality -- but she had a small bust and knew he liked larger breasts. So she had a boob job done to surprise him.

When her vacation came at the end of his first year away she flew to London for a month. When she arrived she found he was also engaged to somebody else and hadn't even had the decency to warn her.

She was shattered, as you can imagine, but in time managed to put her life together. I worked with her for several more years and, in that time, she gave up any thought of having a deep, personal relationship with a man. He had ruined that part of her life permanently.

If you like thinking in clichés you could always say (as I'm sure he will) that "Absence makes the heart grow fonder;" but you night find that, in practice, he'll just indulge himself with whomever he chooses.

My thought? Cut him loose.

Bikergirl Anonymous Profile

Not much you CAN do .. If he's not ready to commit to a serious longterm relationship, he's not ready .. Period.  If it's any consolation .. During his time away trying to find himself .. So will you. You can move on to bigger and better things. 

Believe me .. It's better to know that he's not ready now , than later. Save yourself a lot of heartache and address stress .. And I say this knowing it's not an easy task .. Just let it go.

If it's meant to be, it will all work out .. If not, it just wasn't.

Matt Radiance Profile
Matt Radiance answered

After three years he is trying to figure himself out. This does not sound too promising to me, it is unpleasant but you must be prepared to accept any outcome out of his decision, the figuring out process can end up anywhere. And there's no guarantee you be necessarily in the plan. Also another angle represents, he can figure himself out few blocks away! Why so much backpacking? Mostly it seems he is trying to slip away slowly and run!

You must have a brief talk with him and clear things out. You can not afford all this stress and tension about this process because the action is not promising and it already messing with your mind. It can easily hurt your progress in life and that wouldn't be good. He must choose his side more specifically. Your best option is to put your focus and determination in nursing school and your career. If he wanted it, he'll back, if not, don't get hurt! Then you wouldn't lose anything, his loss. You have your career. And you would meet people align with your mind and profession and a whole exciting journey ahead of you.

Nicole Ashley Profile
Nicole Ashley answered

If i love him enough, i should want him to be happy and go, right? Am I greedy that i want to tie him to a chair and make him stay here instead?

4 People thanked the writer.
Tom  Jackson
Tom Jackson commented
No, you are not greedy.

He is an important part of your life and I would be shocked if you didn't want him to stay.
Jann Nikka
Jann Nikka commented
You want him to stay but fact is he doesn't want to stay. Move on before you get pregnant and then you're alone thru your pregnancy and with a child.

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