What is the best way to communicate your frustration with someone without them flying off the handle because you have feelings they disagree with?


3 Answers

Bikergirl Anonymous Profile
Because you have 'feeling they disagree with' .. that is a bit confusing.  Are you suggestion you are in love with someone and not only are they  not in love with you but are frustrated you feel that way?

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Hope Hunter
Hope Hunter commented
Not precisely. I was upset with my friend because I felt like she had really not been listening to me and every time I tried to express any feelings she would interrupt me. When I called her out and told her I was frustrated and feeling like that, she went ballistic and started telling me how I wasn't allowed to feel that way and I wouldn't feel upset if I was this that or the other thing. And then things went down hill from there and now she is no longer my friend. I would like to avoid this kind of issue in the future.
Bikergirl Anonymous
I hate to break it to you but, it sounds like she wasn't your friend in the 1st place. THAT is not what a true friend does to someone. A true friend would have not only listened but would have been supportive. Clearly she did not display any level of behaviour representing true friendship.
PJ Stein Profile
PJ Stein answered

Put it in writing. The cannot interrupt and can take the time they need to process what you have to say. Just hand them a letter, and walk away. When they are ready they will respond.

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Hope Hunter
Hope Hunter commented
I tried something along those lines, but she was even more mad by my peacemaking attitude. -shrugs- As I replied to Bikergirl Anonymous, I want to avoid this situation in the future.
PJ Stein
PJ Stein commented
After reading your response to Bikergirl, let me say this. Anyone who tells you that you are not allowed to feel the way you feel is a self-centered, egotistical #@&*$. They don't care about anyone but themselves and don't care how you feel. You are better off not associating with this person, and if you come across anyone like that in the future, walk away before giving them your time.
Virginia Lou Profile
Virginia Lou answered

Dear Hope Hunter,

Here is another thought for your consideration, in addition to the ones you have already received:

If the person is disagreeing with you so much that they might fly off the handle, perhaps it is time to give that friendship/relationship a break. Over time you will come to know if the break is only temporary or perhaps permanent.

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Hope Hunter
Hope Hunter commented
I appreciate your stance on it and you are probably right. I am just starting to put up boundaries in a healthy way and am finding that 99% of my "friends" don't respect that. It's very hurtful but I am not in a place to make new "in person" friends so I am not really sure how to move forward.

Thank you so much for your time and advice!
Virginia Lou
Virginia Lou commented
Dear Hope, just a thought for you...have you a good counselor, in whom you have confidence, who can help you find your orientation as you move out of the co-dependent relationship patterns and into something more wholesome...?

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