how can I tell boyfriend he is bossing me and micro managing me and my life so much it is "driving me crazy" and needs to stop. I know he will get very defensive. Finances won't allow me to break up?


9 Answers

Jann Nikka Profile
Jann Nikka answered

Your life, health and safety should be paramount to you over money. There's numerous women organizations that are willing to assist you in finding safe housing and financial assistance. 

Barb Cala Profile
Barb Cala answered

You stand up for yourself and just tell him!  He's only doing it because you allow it.  He's your boyfriend, not your husband anyway.  Have some self-respect and leave!

Cookie Roma Profile
Cookie Roma answered

Jan is right.  You have put yourself in a very dangerous situation.  This is not a simple fix.  You can and must find a way out.  Don't tell him you are looking to leave as that will certainly increase the danger.

Darik Majoren Profile
Darik Majoren answered

So, I guess I will be the first to ask. Did you ask for his help in regards to "Sorting Out" your financial situation? Also, is his bossing and micro managing directing you to a more structured way of addressing your financial situations? Did you ask for this help?

It would be easy for me to jump on the same line of thinking as the others who have answered your question, but I would need more information. To a person with addictions to shopping or a poor understanding of money, credit, and basic Needs versus Wants . . . Any direction offered to you that is contrary to how you are currently living your life can be misconstrued as "Bossy" or "Micro Managing".

I would agree with the other fine ladies here, and say you need to strike out on your own regardless of your financial situation and get into a shelter or with family. If this will ensure your safety then absolutely OR if this will ensure you boy friend from wasting his time on trying to "Help Direct" someone whom may or may not have a poor understanding of finance . . . It would serve him better to focus his energies where they would be more appreciated.

So, you moving out and getting on your own is a "Win Win" situation. You maintain your sanity, and he maintains his credit score.

Bikergirl Anonymous Profile

That's easy .. And accomplished by doing what couples have been doing for eons. It's called communication or conversing. If there is something that needs to be addressed  .. Talk about it.  From something as little as his comments about what he thinks you should do .. If you don't like it .. Say so.  Simply say, "I don't want to do it that way" .. And 'here's why'.  He can't know your  perspective unless you share it with him. If he is unfairly insistant about it .. Or worse, abusive about it .. Well then, that opens up a completely different course of action to take.

Speak your mind .. Talk about why he is being, what you are suggesting .. So controlling.  Tell him how his tactics make you feel. Is his objective to be responsible and thinks he has a better way of doing things because it's the right thing to do .. Or is he just being controlling for the sake of being controlling?

It's hard to say without knowing what exactly he is micro managing. There is a difference of 'controlling' what you do financially as a couple and what you do personally as an individual.  If it's how you spend money, He might think his way of doing things is the way to attain your goals as a couple, if he believes you are not making responsible decisions about financial matters. Does he think  or is It plausible that he has better sense about such matters?  If, however, what you mean by 'micromanaging' he is insistant upon things that you you would make personal preference choices .. like what you wear that fits your personality, what you eat that fits your personal taste, how you wear your hair etc ... well thats different.

It is typical for a couple to have different pespectives in terms of choices they make.  Compromise is key. Talk .. discuss .. make informed choices because they are the right choices to make.  Share, learn and keep focused on the direction you want your lives to go as a couple. Expressing you want to do something different than he does is a form of personal expression .. not critisism neccessarily. You can speak your mind without being hurtfully critical.

It deeply concerns me, not to mention saddens me, to see that you feel you are locked in due to financial dependancy.  THAT is shakey ground to start with.  If love is not the reason you are in this relationship then, I'm afraid you are going to suffer consequences on many levels.  You need to focus on finding your own way out of this situation .. it's not a 'relationship', at least not on a romantic level ..  it is a dependancy.  A very lonely place to be.

Walt O'Reagun Profile
Walt O'Reagun answered

What do you mean your "finances won't let you break up"?

If that means you're relying on him for money ... He has the right to "micromanage" your life.  He is the one paying for it.

If you were married, it would be different.  But since you're not - you either live with it, or get a job that allows you to not rely on his money.

Soul Fly Profile
Soul Fly answered

There are alot of great and detailed answers here so I am going the short route.  Talk about it calmly and reach a compromise. Thats the mature thing to do. If you can't do that then there are bigger issues at hand.

Thrice Gotcha Profile
Thrice Gotcha answered

if its as bad as you say it is then hes either not mentally or emotionally stable which means what? That there can be a danger involved in confronting him about his behavior but then again i dont know him or the situation just what you have stated

Tom  Jackson Profile
Tom Jackson answered

Tell him you need some room to live and some air to breathe.

("In the language of flowers, one of the meanings of the hyacinth is 'a constant source of joy.'”)

If of thy mortal goods thou art bereft,
And from thy slender store two loaves alone to thee are left,
Sell one, and with the dole
Buy hyacinths to feed thy soul.

This beautiful verse was written by MOSLIH EDDIN (MUSLIH-UN-DIN) SAADI (SADI), who was a major Persian poet of the medieval times. It is just one of the many beautiful verses in his book Gulistan ("The Rose Garden").

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