Why don't males find me attractive? I seem to have a lot of issues attracting males who like me in a more intimate sense. I have met quite a lot of males, yet I always seem to get friend zoned. Most people think that it is impossible for a girl to get put there, but I always end up there. Even when things are going in a positive direction something will change spontaneously and the guy that I am talking to will distance himself; it's very heart-rending.


5 Answers

Darik Majoren Profile
Darik Majoren answered

Perhaps, it is the way you carry yourself.

We all try and size each other up first by appearance, then how we communicate nonverbally. The way you hold your head or touch your face and hair. The stance you take while sitting, standing. . . . Arm position, whether it be crossed, down by your side or simply somewhat guarded . . . Sitting while leaning in versus sitting while leaning back . . . The micro-gestures the face muscles make.

If we can in closer, the pheromones we give off introduce another attraction point.

All of these subtle ways of communication are going on and have been as we evolved. They are subconsciously sending signals to those men you meet, and for some reason they are not registering as "Possible Mate" to them . . .

Perhaps you have just not met the right guy who is attracted to these things about you as of yet. Be patient.

2 People thanked the writer.
Almost nothing
Almost nothing commented
Thank you for your commentary. I think that I will leave the subject of dating alone for some time.
Darik Majoren
Darik Majoren commented
No worries, embrace in that which makes you . . . you.
It is when I left the subject of dating alone, that I met my wife of 28 years.
Jann Nikka
Jann Nikka commented
otis campbell Profile
otis campbell answered

Your trying to hard. If your too much drama or putting on a act guys will hit the door running. Be yourself

2 People thanked the writer.
Almost nothing
Almost nothing commented
The thing is that I don't put on an act, or try too hard. I behave like I would normally.
Cookie Roma
Cookie Roma commented
That's good but these things happen when they happen. I have a beautiful (beautiful looking and a beautiful heart) She is 6 feet tall (now 21 years old) and very much her own person. She's always has lots of friends, make and females but as far as boy friends, not so much. During the teen years guys seems fairly intemidated. For the past 6 months she's had a boyfriend and he is a really great guy. I don't know if this will turn out to be a long term relationship but it's really nice right now. Relax.
Almost nothing
Almost nothing commented
Thank you for the advice. I appreciate it. :)
Cookie Roma Profile
Cookie Roma answered

Whether one is a male or female, you must divest yourself of the notion of the "friend zone."  The entire notion supposes that a person is obliged to have feelings for you because you want them to.

As far as why they don't have deeper feelings then they do?  You are very young and pushing way to hard.  Relax!! These things come in time.......don't push it. C

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Almost nothing
Almost nothing commented
How can you conclude that I "try" too hard? I act like myself, not my complete self but I give away my personality bit by bit as our friendship grows. Other girls my age have no problems attracting guys and I know it sounds like a pointless argument. Which I personally think it is. In all honesty, I don't really focus on it too much, but last night guess it just got to me.

Thanks for your advice. I'll try to relax next time I meet a guy that I am interested in. Or wait a few years before dating...
Arthur Wright Profile
Arthur Wright , Florida Paralegal with a BS degree in Social-Psychology, answered

Time to do some deep soul searching here about yourself and find out what you are afraid of most here. Are you afraid of boys or the commitment of a relationship, or maybe something else like growing up in an abusive family scenario involving a Father or Brother or such. The reason here is inside you and you must find it and bring it out so you can fix it and move on in life. You are sabotaging your own life here and it really isn't the guys you meet so I sense a fear of commitment which is more prevalent in boys than girls so this would be rare here but does happen. You may even need some professional medical help here overcoming your challenge but please do whatever it takes so you can enjoy life and move on.  Good luck

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Arthur Wright
Arthur Wright commented
I kinda sense you are afraid of falling in love with some guys and that may lead to Marriage. There is such a fine line between marriage and relationship commitments that in your case, could be the same thing. You just need to rethink things and calm down and take a chance here and try not to think about the commitment thing or future but take one day at a time and enjoy the moment and see what happens. Ill be around on here if you need some help or have questions and Ill be glad to help you the best I can or even to talk things over or come up with new ideas to try but this is up to you here
Almost nothing
Almost nothing commented
Thank you. It really means a lot that you took your time to respond to my situation.
Arthur Wright
Arthur Wright commented
Actually thank you as it allows me to use my college and life experience to help you and this is my realm of expertise and I have helped several others on here and other Q&A websites too and have also saved several suicide wannabes too so I am here if you need me
Tom  Jackson Profile
Tom Jackson answered

I noticed in one of your comments that you may have decided to leave the "subject of dating  alone for some time."

It concerns me that you have had a number of "losing seasons" and you really need a series of "winning ones" to get that "bad taste" out of your mouth.

I don't know your age, I don't have your picture. And I'm not entirely clear on what you mean when you say "like me in a more intimate sense" and "positive direction."  (My problem, not yours; but it makes it difficult for me to really evaluate your situation and give you any helpful advice.)

A few short sessions with a professional (therapist/counselor) could give you a great deal of insight into the specific situations you are finding yourself in, and provide some suggestions on how to change future outcomes when you meet the next male you would like to have a more rewarding relationship with.

Best of luck---I fully expect a positive outcome for your situation.

thanked the writer.
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Tom  Jackson
Tom Jackson commented
Working on yourself is always a good thing regardless of age.

On the other hand, if you are the super bowl champs, you don't have to go "back to the drawing board" to discover the winning formula because you would obviously have had at least one winning formula in your playbook----and you could build on that.

I'm 70. When I was in my 20's life I had plenty of time to figure out what to do by trial and error. I still work on myself---and I expect to continue to grow.

But when I retired last summer, I had ALL the time I needed; and my progress has been greatly enhanced.

I seldom use a regular screwdriver when I have a lot of screws to fasten----I go for the variable speed drill. It gets a admittedly simple job done a lot faster.

Counseling may not be necessary to accomplish what you want, but they can speed things up considerably.
Almost nothing
Almost nothing commented
I don't have nearly as many years of growth and experience as you have (and it would disrespectful for me to say that I do), but I have grown a considerable amount from where I used to be. I am currently looking into ways to help myself, possibly even counseling. Thank you. Your help is appreciated.
Tom  Jackson
Tom Jackson commented
Sounds like you are making good decisions.

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