I read somewhere once that getting back with an ex is like having a shower then putting on yesterday's dirty underwear .. Blah ! So maybe you should just go commando for a while ;) ... That said, I'm sure there are some exceptions especially if the problem with the relationship was just timing , but still , GO COMANDO !
The pessimist within says people have a hard time changing, so why bother. They are an ex for a reason.
The romantic within thinks for love anything is possible.
Shoot noooooooooo! I spent too long trying to figure out how to get away....ex is always an ex
I think it's very possible. Totally depends on the people involved.
Sometimes, people can change. My exes, will stay exes.
I have only seen a few people "truly" change, and their relationships DID work forever after they married. But I did learn a few things along the way about that.
You have to identify what you mean by "change". You can't change anyone's personality, because if they do "appear" different, it's only an act they are desperately trying to front. You can't ask that of anyone. It would be a false promise and a horrible expectation.
But if it is ACTIONS, like stopping self-destructive behavior and habits such as drugs, alcohol, (self-medicating) or high-risk urges (gambling, indiscriminate sex, constant adrenaline highs), and turning all that around and deciding to take their life more seriously and working to always improve, then THAT can change.
However, I remember coming to the most life changing conclusion one day as I just slumped on the couch, so tired from hurting in my first marriage.
It may seem so evident to some, but it wasn't to me (but I was young) and it was one of those things that guided my life in a whole OTHER direction...
....and here it is... It's about addiction. I had to realize that there ARE people born with addictive personalities (scientists have now identified the genome for that by the way-it's called the Type A gene which means addiction can be hereditary) , and once those people that say they will change have stopped doing that particular addiction, they will just switch to another addiction. It never fails.
It almost goes in a circle from one thing, then to another, on to another, next to another, and eventually ends back to where it all started .
To prevent that, the addictions have to be replaced with healthier addictions, such as what Robert Downey, Jr. did. He took each addiction (and boy were there many) and substituted each one with another, different, healthy one. One by one.
He is still filled with addictions, but now, they are instead intense exercise, health foods, his marriage and child, meditation, and his career. They are no longer drugs, alcohol, sex, and gambling.
So if someone has changed by stopping a certain type of behavior, be prepared that it may need to be replaced with something else better or healthier, or you will just get disappointed again (and again and again and again).
I am sorry this was so long. Anyway, good luck :)
Who people are is ingrained in them. It is often a combination of Genetics, Environment and Experiences . . . Now having said that . . Tolerances soften and sometimes Tolerances decrease . . . As an example: I am a bit more cynical that I used to be.
So that being said, things that were a "Deal Breaker" may not be all that important to you now . . . Same with your ex. Also age is important . . If you dated in high school and are now reestablishing contact with them in their late twenties then you may see a very different person before you.
Something that does fade is the memory of pain and emotion that might have been the catalyst of the break. Bear in mind, that the "chemistry" may still be there rekindling the passion . . . So there is no easy solution . . All you can do is live your life, and if you look back and see those things that rubbed you the wrong way isn't all that important to you NOW, then why not give it another shot.
Date for a while to reacquaint yourself and learn more about them and how' they may have or may NOT have slightly changed their views or behavior.
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