I used to live with my mom who physically abused me for 14 years finally I decided to move in with my father but now know my daddy is verbally abusive. My mother wants to meet me this Friday and I'm so afraid. Am I overreacting or is this normal?


6 Answers

K. B.  Baldwin Profile
K. B. Baldwin answered

If she is physically abusive, make sure you meet in a nice public place.  And be prepared to just walk away if she starts anything. 

Ellie E. Weedon Profile
Ellie E. Weedon answered

Uh hey, work toward forgiving your mother. This is one of the most difficult aspects of overcoming an abusive relationship, but holding on to your anger will keep you from fully healing. Forgiveness doesn’t mean that we excuse offensive behaviour; it doesn’t mean forgetting or even trusting the person who harmed us. 

Instead, think of forgiveness as a gift you are giving yourself. You are letting go of any negative or vengeful feelings because you don't want to be trapped by your mother’s bitterness or pain.

Good luck.

4 People thanked the writer.
Madison Garrett
Madison Garrett commented
Thank you this is very helpful
Hung Vu
Hung Vu commented
good luck for you. You must to consider carefully this problem before decide
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Sharron Prestcott Profile

If you're uncomfortable being around your mother because of past abuse then just don't meet her and if necessary tell her why.

You have no obligations towards your mother who hurt you for all those years, if you let fear control you because she has said she wants to meet you then she's still got a hold over you.  It's time to stand up to her, tell her no, The first time you stand up to her will be difficult but after that you'll feel stronger.

You take control of this situation, nobody should be abused for all those years and by the one person who should have protected you.  As a mother this makes me very angry.

3 People thanked the writer.
Madison Garrett
Madison Garrett commented
Thank you very much but I am only doing this because I had to leave behind my 6&12 year old siblings and she is blocking my right to see them and so by doing this I might get to see them again
Sharron Prestcott
Since she has abused you in the past there is no way that she should still have custody of your siblings. I would urge you to call CPS now, she is ruling by fear and out of concern for your siblings you really do have to get help for them.
I understand your fears for them and wanting to see them but an abuser often does not stop at just one child, whether they have confided in you or not she should not have the opportunity to hurt them.
Just for the record I was in an abusive situation with my father so I do understand exactly where you're at right now.
Madison Garrett
Madison Garrett commented
I will take your advice thank you
Cathy Queen Profile
Cathy Queen answered

I can understand how you feel when you think of your mother... Any type of physical abuse is not tolerable in a relation and you should not allow fear to control you. Fourteen years is a very long time and you should not allow your mom to take advantage of you again... If possible tell your father or anyone else who is close to you about the situation.. It might help...

Arthur Wright Profile
Arthur Wright , Florida Paralegal with a BS degree in Social-Psychology, answered

Youre facing an uncertainity here so youre feelings are quite normal since you have no idea what may happen here.  It sounds like youre stuck in the middle here of two bad parents  so you may have to choose here and it doesn't sound like its going to be easy but think about which one youre better off living with here. Good luck and Happy Thanksgiving and Holidays

Ty Hibb Profile
Ty Hibb answered

You don't say how old you are. You don't say what you are doing to get this reaction from your parents. While being abusive is never acceptable, it might be that they just don't know how to respond to what you are doing. It is very hard to give direction when you only hear one side. I think having someone that you both respect and is qualified to help be asked to listen to both sides and give some direction after getting all the facts. Just to let you know, being a parent is not the easiest thing to do. Children are bringing unheard of problems to the equation and parents find themselves  in uncharted waters.


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