What Would Be The Proper Wedding Invitation Wording To Ask For Cash Gifts Instead Of Merchandise?

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43 Answers

Monica Stott Profile
Monica Stott answered
There is no proper wedding invitation wording to ask for cash gifts instead of merchandise. According to traditional wedding etiquette, it is considered bad manners for the bride and groom to ask or request anything at all!

However, as time has passed, it has become acceptable to create a ‘wedding list’ in order that the bride and groom receive gifts that are actually needed and will be used, but asking for money as a gift is a contentious issue and there is no ‘proper’ way of asking.

It will certainly provoke some discussion among your guests. Some will be strongly against the idea, whilst others will be entirely comfortable with it.

On the one hand, requesting cash will be appreciated by those who hate shopping, on the other hand the guests with a more formal and traditional outlook could view the request as being greedy regardless of what you write and how you word it. Ultimately, YOU are the best person to make the judgement about how your own friends and family will react.

If you feel it's the right thing to do then there are many ways to request cash:

- by word of mouth - letting close friends and family spread the message on your behalf.

- make the request for cash on the invitation itself by using a cute poem - there are plenty of them readily accessible on the internet. But beware! Some people find the cutesy poems more offensive than a request for cash!

- send invitations and a request for cash by text?                                                                 

- request cash envelopes on the day. The Chinese Wishing Well is gaining in popularity, where guests place cash envelopes in a cardboard wishing well.

- request that your guests are transfer money into a special bank account, or a targeted ‘honeymoon’ fund.

Whatever you choose, it is your day and your decision.
Deborah Profile
Deborah answered
I'm sorry, but according to traditional etiquette, there is no polite way to ask for money on a wedding invitation. Doing so creates the impression that a gift is expected, and while it is true that giving gifts at weddings is customary, it is by no means a requirement.

The proper way to let guests know what kind of gift you would like is to wait for them to ask! Typically, a guest would call the hosts (often the parents) and ask what sorts of things might be appreciated. This is the appropriate time to mention that (for whatever reason) monetary gifts would be preferred.

A related situation that arises occasionally is when a couple would prefer that no gifts at all be given. Typically, this occurs in the context of anniversary parties. While technically, asking for no gifts on the invitation still presumes that gifts are expected, certain phrases have become relatively acceptable. One of the nicest is "Your presence is a cherished gift. We respectfully request no other."
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
What is the phrase to say couple would prefer money instead of gifts
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
Our home is full, our kitchen too but gifts in envelopes would gladly do!
Mark Westbrook Profile
Mark Westbrook answered
This is all about making sure that you and everyone else feels comfortable. Some people may want to buy you something special, something that you don't have.

You put something in the invitation:

*Strictly no gifts please!
*No Gifts please but if you want to donate to charity, our selected charity is:.... (charity name here)
*Please don't buy a gift, but do bring a bottle!
*Please don't bring a gift, you are more than enough!

Or do you really want to do that? Giving a gift is a traditional part of the process of people wishing you well.

The other thing to do is set your own gift list, with some simple special things, like a his and hers massage or something like that. Setting your own list means you can strictly control what you get.

Don't be a poor sport, if people enjoy buying you something, welcome it. It's something special they want to do for you!
robyn mikesh Profile
robyn mikesh answered
Another idea would be to have your maid/matron of honor come up with something creative at the shower. She can make it very clear at that point that what you want is cash. Word will spread that way, and we all know that for the most part, it is the woman who does the shopping!! I would rather have cash for our gifts too, so my maid of honor created a card the guests fill out. They can put cash in it and then tell us what to use it for. For example, we wanted the money for our honeymoon ("planning for the honeymoon" was the theme of the shower), so the card can say things like a candlelit dinner, one night at the hotel, wine from room service, things like that. Guests like to know where the money is going and that it is going to something great, romantic, and unique. She got the idea from www.thehoneymoon.com. I know that answer was mostly focused on the shower, but that is where most people get ideas on what to get the couple. Hope you have an amazing wedding!! Wishing you the best!! Robyn
Jodi RN Profile
Jodi RN answered
In the past I have seen wedding invitations with wording to the effect "Instead of gifts, we would appreciate contributions to our honeymoon (new house, new car, etc.) fund". For couples who really do have everything, receiving 10 toasters they don't need can be a pain. People like to give gifts at these occasions, and letting them feel they really are helping you get that new house or new car or having a really nice honeymoon can be a great way to get around returning those toasters. Good luck!
Cathleen Hill Profile
Cathleen Hill answered
It could possibly be a Wishing Well. A well is set up big or small and as I have seen, your cards are placed inside the slot which most likely contains some kind of monetary gift. I have seen on wedding reception invitations Wishing Well and this lets me know monetary gifts requested. Think about it. What need would it be to put box gifts inside a well that is to be placed on a table? Trust me it is set up for cards of your best wishes, congrats, God's many blessings toward your new life together, monetary gifts etc.
thanked the writer.
Barry Dick
Barry Dick commented
Thanks Repentance for that terrific answer and your well wishing from on high.
Sincerely,
The Younger
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
Simple, you note that as much as all gift's are greatly appreciated,you and your new spouse( name here ) have just about everything you need to run your household, however, you are both saving for that new car or honeymoon or college loan. People will understand especially in today's economically challenged world. If we all followed what Miss Manner's had to say we'd be living in the 1940"s. Just be sure you have someone trustworthy to watch the gift table, when it come's to cash that look's easy to take some people let their moral code go on a smoke break. Good Luck!
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
In lieu of gifts (Child's name) suggests a donation to (name of  charity).....

(Child's name) would like others to share in his/her good fortune.  Please consider a donation to (name of  charity)  in his/her honor.....

Your presence is gift enough.....
Louise Joy Profile
Louise Joy answered
My sister designed the invitations for my cousins wedding. She found a poem on the Internet that said something along the lines of 'we have pans and pots but we'd much prefer something for our saving pots' or something lol
But the poem was nice, it explained things in a nice way and said that all gifta were appreciated but there was no use getting them gifts that they already had.
Try looking around on the Internet for a poem, you can decorate it and stick it in with the invitations. It will look polite and classy!
Joan Profile
Joan answered
Ok, I am going on the record as a old grouchy lady.  This new thing about asking for money instead of gifts in in terrily poor taste.  It is insulting to the guest involved.  It is "arm twisting" in the biggest way.   How much cash is the appropriate amount?  When do you begin telling your guests how much cash is expeced?  Why not just send them a bill?  Do you want their presence and good wishes or their dollars?   Please trust your guests to do the best by you that they can.  They love/respect you or they would not be attending your wedding.  Is this a day you wish to share your happiness or a day you want to hit them up for some bucks?
yesenia delgadillo Profile
The best way will be to charge an entrance fee.  Its very rude to ask for a gift as it is..You invite a person to accompany in a very special day for you. If you ask for money they might not go.
nettie Profile
nettie answered
The couple would appreciate help with the growth of their money tree that will be on display...hope this helps you...
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
Eveyone understands what a wishing well, for a wedding means. And you can purchase one, for cheap at an home and garden center. Just a thought. It works well for Italian, and Greeks. Both my heritage.
Saddaf K Profile
Saddaf K answered
It is summer time and it means it is weddings time. In most cases the marrying couple is in need of cash more than anything. They are about to start a new life, with a new family and of course the requirement and need for money increases. Newly married couples may need cash for the down payment for a house, for spending on their honeymoon, for buying a family car or for some other reason.

Every body is going to go give gifts to the wedding couple but the question is whether it is alright to ask for cash as a gift? When it come to etiquettes, there is absolutely nothing wrong with asking for cash but it is important that you ask your guests very politely. For example, it becomes very easy when some one asks you what you would like for a gift. In such a case, you can easily say that anything the person would choose to give you would be appreciated but you would prefer to receive cash as you will need it for the down payment of a house, or whatever you reason is. It is more difficult to convey your need for money when not asked. In that case you can spread the word for your need for money through family or friends through word or mouth. It is ok to post too.
Good Luck getting that cash !
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
If you want anyone to come to your wedding besides your parents I would not ask this at all. It is rude and very tacky. If you get stuff you don't like or need try to return it to the store if you can identify where it came from, sell it or re-gift it.
Carolyn Cook Profile
Carolyn Cook answered
I am getting married and my fiance and I both have our own household items. He's been married before and I've never been married. With two households full of goods how do we ask for gift cards at local stores rather than registering for gifts? It only took him 2 wives and 40 years to figure out he had it right in high school. We were high school sweethearts.
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
It is not tacky to ask for money, most people now do it as they live together and have most things they need. Just find a nice poem on the internet & include it in your invitations. I did this and all my guests understood and did not find it tacky or rude at all, as they know us and would prefer to give us something we needs. Personally I think sending people a shopping list is worse!
Ariette Coleman Profile
Ariette Coleman answered

I don't think there's a proper way for that. For me that sounds a bit rude. I think I might not consider that idea when I plan my own wedding.

Bonnie Be Profile
Bonnie Be answered
You can post a sign or send out invites to your guest and say "help sponsor  your honeymoon with a $5dollar wedding gift" and say something like "cash is needed for vacation".  People will get this message and it's not being rude so yeah GOOD LUCK
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
The way you asked this question was very tacky... But you can say that you guys r not starting off fresh you have everything to start a life together you r not needing the usual household items. Use your own words.
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
Yes we spent a lot of our own money for the wedding (second for both) and we were hoping for a nice honeymoon and would like our quest to acknowledge that with out sounding desperate.
Rola Barbakh Profile
Rola Barbakh answered
You can say..."I'm very sorry but I am very busy on that day I have a science report due the next day and I have to put the finishing touches to it"
that is the easiest way to get out of things.
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
I think you can suggest donations in lieu of gifts but to be more assertive is somewhat presumptive
sharon scott Profile
sharon scott answered
Tell guest you are going to do a money dance for the bride that is wedding guest dance with the bride they pin dollars on the bride that is how it is done in south mississippi
patricia ward Profile
patricia ward answered
You don't really tell them to you just give them an idea that you can bring in money if you would like cause thats what we did for my older sisters wedding and she moved to north dakota with her husband Kyle
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
How do I word my wedding invitation asking guests to give a monetary gift rather than an actual wedding gift?
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
Hi I'm getting married in july this year,and need some help on asking guests for money instead of gifts,not to be cheeky and sound tacky  can any one help thank you.
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
You NEVER ask for cash instead of gift at your wedding. It is the ultimate act of rudeness.  Your guests are not paying customers, but guests.
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
Everyone knows to give a gift at a wedding ,whats the big deal?  Newly weds could probably use the money more than some of the gifts they recieve, and plus it saves you time and hard decission making
Design Elegance Profile
Design Elegance answered
If you have a particular reason for your monetary gift then maybe a poem of sorts?

We had been living together for many years, Owned a house and everything we needed etc etc. The only one thing that was to be missing from our married life was a child of which we needed IVF for so we asked for contributions towards our married life together for a family.

It's not tacky in my eyes - I would prefer my guests not to buy anything at all rarther then something I didn't need and waste their money.

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Laura Collins Profile
Laura Collins answered
Your wedding is a celebration of your new life; not an opportunity to cash in, despite what you may see around you.

It is not appropriate to ever ask for a type of gift in your invitation package, with the exception of when you ask you guests to donate to a particular charity in lieu of a gift, which is becoming increasingly popular, especially with second marriages.

Some couples don't want anything other than their guests' company and the lovely wording I've used for that is:
Mati green Profile
Mati green answered
It is extremely poor manners to ask for money instead of gifts. If you don't want any gifts then say no gifts please, but you can't ask for money... That's tacky. HONESTLY IF SOMEONE INVITED ME TO THEIR WEDDING AND ASKED FOR MONEY INSTEAD OF A GIFT... THEY WOULDNT GET EITHER. A gift is just that... A gift.. It is NOT a requirement to attend a wedding but something you WANT to give that person. If someone WANTS to give you money, they will, but if they don't want to, then you should accept what they do want to give you...if anything.
Mati green Profile
Mati green answered
It's not proper to ask for money. You can request that there be no gifts, but you can't ask for money... To quote Miss Manners the etiquette columnist- "It's Tacky to ask for money" I'm sorry... know it's not the answer you wanted but it's honest.
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
Have your family put up a money tree at the reception... Decorate a cute Christmas tree and cover it with clothes pins and instead of an angel at the top a picture of the two of you. This way you don't have to ask and people can give freely.
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
It is improper and impolite to specify cash rather than gifts... Hopefully your friends realize you already had households, and may inquire.

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