My relationship with my MIL is dragging me down. She routinely criticizes and insults me. It is usually done in a sly enough manner that it’s hard to challenge her behavior directly without feeling as though I’m overreacting?

I am gonna be blunt here...

It is YOU and your WIFE! (And kids if you have them.)

The MIL needs to know this and keep her nose out of your business. Unless you are abusing her daughter then you have no right being with her anyways. Your wife needs to understand where and to whom her priorities are! MIL did her job... Now it's time to let her daughter fly.

ANONYMOUS........DEALING WITH IN-LAWS

CONFLICT WITH IN-LAWS MAY BE GRIST FOR THE MILL FOR COMEDIANS, BUT IN REAL LIFE IT IS NO LAUGHING MATTER.    WHY DO IN-LAWS INTERFERE IN THE LIVES OF THEIR MARRIED CHILDREN?  COULD IT BE...... "DIFFICULT FOR THEM TO SEE SOMEONE YOUNG AND INEXPERIENCED BECOME RESPONSIBLE FOR TAKING CARE OF THEIR SON OR DAUGHTER."

  CONSIDER THIS:  "PARENTS WHO HAVE SACRIFICED FOR AND NURTURED THEIR CHILD MAY FEEL THAT THEY ARE BEING SIDELINED".  THEY COULD ALSO BE GENUINELY WORRIED THAT THEIR SON OR DAUGHTER LACKS THE WISDOM TO MAKE THE MARRIAGE A SUCCESS".  IS IT POSSIBLE THAT SOMETIME THE IN-LAWS ARE INVITED TO INTERFERE.    FOR EXAMPLE,  WHAT IF THE SON OR DAUGHTER CAME FROM A CLOSE KNIT FAMILY WHERE EVERYONE DISCUSSED THINGS OPENLY.  AND AFTER THEY GET MARRIED ONE OF THEM CONSULT THE FATHER OR MOTHER ON DECISIONS THAT REALLY NEEDED TO BE MADE.

IT IS CLEAR THAT ISSUES WITH IN-LAWS CAN PUT A STRESS ON A MARRIAGE.  LOOK AT THE SITUATION OBJECTIVELY.  IS YOUR SPOUSE REALLY TOO ATTACHED, OR COULD IT BE THAT YOU SIMPLY DO NOT HAVE THE SAME TYPE OF RELATIONSHIP WITH YOUR PARENTS.    IN-LAWS ISSUES CAN BECOME A CONSTANT SOURCE OF CONTENTION BETWEEN MARRIAGE MATES AND MANY MARRIAGE PROBLEMS ARISE BECAUSE NO TWO PARTNERS SHARE PRECISELY THE SAME VIEW OF A MATTER.

TRY THIS:  YOU AND YOUR SPOUSE WRITE DOWN WHAT YOU BELIEVE IS THE PRIMARY CONCERN REGARDING IN-LAWS.  IF POSSIBLE,  START WITH  " I FEEL THAT ...."THEN EXCHANGE PAPERS.  TOGETHER, IN A SPIRIT OF TEAMWORK, BRAINSTORM WAYS THAT  YOU CAN ADDRESS EACH OTHER CONCERNS.

OR

TRY THIS:  DISCUSS WITH YOUR SPOUSE IN WHAT SPECIFIC WAYS PARENTAL INTERFERENCE IS CAUSING CONFLICT IN YOUR MARRIAGE.  TOGETHER, WRITE DOWN WHAT BOUNDARIES YOU CAN SET AND HOW YOU WILL PROTECT THEM WHILE SHOWING HONOR TO YOUR PARENTS.  (PROVERBS 23:22).

Relationship heading south?

I know one of the hardest relationships that exists is between a man and his MIL.

I've found that the issues usually stem from the MIL thinking that her daughter is perfect and that no man is good enough for her.

Unfortunately, sometimes the man's wife adds to the problem by complaining to her mother about marital issues.

Some of the most common problems arise because the wife thinks that the husband is not providing her with enough attention, not making enough money, or is cheating on her.  Once she talks about this with her mother, the mother immediately takes her side and begins to resent the husband, even if none of it is true.

As far as as advice, if you love your wife and want to stay married, then the best thing to do is simply ignore it.  I know that can be extremely difficult, but if your MIL is trying to get under your skin, ignoring it shows her that it's not working and hopefully she will give up and leave you alone.

Hope it gets better for you.

I assume we are talking about a mother-in-law (MIL).

Your mother in law, for whatever reason (maybe it's got nothing to do with not being good enough for her daughter---maybe she just simply doesn't like you) thinks of you as being in a "one-down" position and is determined to keep you there.

It sounds like her comments to you contain a put-down you disagree with along with a truth you cannot really fight---so to acknowledge the truth, you are manipulated to accept the insult as well.

For example, your MIL might say, "Oh that is a beautiful lamp you bought.  You must have gotten a really good deal on the price."

She's complimented your taste in decoration and yet also implied you are a cheapskate at heart that doesn't like to spend money on nice things.

You can't let her get away with that---she is manipulating you.

To counteract this technique, you must answer the two issues that she has disguised as one.  You must say something like, "Yes it is a nice lamp, and no, I am not a cheapskate as you implied."  Your MIL raised to issues---you must separate them and respond to both.

Train her as you would any dog that liked to nip at your heels.

DO NOT IGNORE IT---your MIL will never change her opinion of you unless you force her to stop insulting you.

And make sure your wife realizes what her mother is doing to you.

a simple ignorance may give some time for her to chill down, or your "not to react" may chill her a little bit or let her think this doesn't work anymore.

though this will be absolutely difficult for you, but always worth to try.