Your mother has to move on some time. Most couples allow each other to see other people if anythinghappens to them, your parents probably made that agreement. Think of what's best for your mom and what makes her happy.
My mother is getting remarried after ayear since my dads death. She started dating 3 months after my dads death. She kept this guy a secret till I found out. She let him move in. He's a good guy but I can't accept him or this marriage?
Why can't you accept it? Is it because you think your mother is trying to replace your father? Or do you have a gut instinct something is wrong? If it is the gut instinct, have him investigated. Especially if he is new to area. If it is because your are afraid he is trying to replace your dad, you are wrong. Your mother was probably lonely and he filled the void. Some people just don't like being alone. If your mother found a companion, then good for her. Just remember your father was and always will be her first love. No one will measure up to him.
Dear sweet Millie, this has nothing to do with your mom or her boyfriend. You are still grieving. I feel so bad for you. It must be very hard to lose your dad. I am so sorry you are hurting. That is what you are expressing, your pain. Let me give you a little piece of encouragement..... holding on to the pain does NOT keep him here longer and letting go of the pain does NOT mean you love him any less. He is your dad and will always be your dad. No matter what your mom does. My friend, may I suggest some grief counseling for you? It might help. In my opinion your wounds are still healing.
Well thats your choice your mother is moving on.
You love your mother?
Let your mother be happy again.
She deserves so much more then you
are giving her. You can still make your mother happy.
Remember this: She is not always going to be here.
Do I think it's a good idea start dating so soon. Sure, it helps someone who is unhappy to find some level of happiness. Some people are incredibly unhappy not just from losing a loved one, but for a number of reasons they are miserable just being "alone". She could plausibly just have a very dependant nature.
Do I think it's a good idea to jump into a marriage so soon .. HELL NO! That it just plain foolish. Not sure why she is so compelled to take it to that level do soon .. I just don't think it's a smart thing to do. She is not allowing herself time to mourn and heal from her loss .. Jumping into a full time relationship will eventually takes its toll on everyone involved.
Try to be happy for your mom. I've often wished that I had found someone after my husband passed away. It never happened for me, so I've been a widow since 1992. I have a great life, but I've often wondered how it might have been.
To use some old symbolism, in a good marriage, a man and a woman become one.
When one of the two dies, it is not a separation of the two individuals, but rather a ripping apart of a living organism. (Sorry about the gruesome image.)
The loss of your father is no less painful for you than the loss your mother is suffering because of the death of her husband / soulmate.
(But if the functions of a husband and a father were the same, we would have no need to differentiate between "single" parents vs "married" parents.)
The difference is in the nature of the pain and how that pain can begin to heal.
What your mother has done is to begin her healing process, and it will be different from yours.
You are not yet ready to deal with the "concept" of a "replacement" for your father.
And it is likely that your mother has not dealt with it either, but she has been able to enter into another marriage---and that is a good thing. It also bodes well that you consider him a "good buy."
Try and stay out of each other's way as you continue to process this whole situation.
Best of luck.