My girlfriend had sex with my cousin before we were together.  I'm struggling to deal with it.  Should this bother me?

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John Doe Profile
John Doe answered

Her cousin or your cousin? Anyway, sooooo what! You stated it... Everyone has a past, what someone has done in past relationships should have no bearing on the current relationship. If you care for each other, you accept one another for who you are, don't try and change one another... That's not love, that's trying to mold someone into who you want them to be.

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John Doe
John Doe commented
<3 xoxoxo
Brian Brian
Brian Brian commented
It is my cousin and yes I know I have a past but it's not as bad as having sex with my cousin I can't even look at my cousin no more because of how much it bothers me it would not have bothered as much if it was one time but it was three times and they were not in a relationship
John Doe
John Doe commented
This was before you got together with her correct? And you knew this going in correct? If it bothers you that much, and you are unable to move forward with the relationship, maybe you should just move on, as it sounds like this is something you are not going to get past. That is unfortunate, as your relationship with her might be something worthwhile. Personally, I think you're putting way to much emphasis on this, and I don't think they did anything wrong! They were both consenting!
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered

It's understandable that you'd be uncomfortable with the knowledge that your girlfriend had previously had an intimate relationship with your cousin. 

As to whether it should bother you or not, that really does come down to the type of personality you have. Some people wouldn't really care about this as it's in the past, but others would not be able to carry on with the relationship. 

Things to consider

  1. Were you aware of the fact that your girlfriend had been intimate with your cousin before you got together? If you were, did you think you could get past it initially?
  2. How much do you value your current relationship? If it's not a serious relationship, it's probably not worth being distressed.  It might be better to move on.
  3. Are you close with your cousin? If not, it might be worth trying to give things a go.  On the other hand, if you're close with your cousin, it might be difficult to move past this.

Ultimately, only you can decide whether you want to remain in a relationship with a woman who has slept with your cousin previously. 

There's nothing abnormal about being troubled by this fact, but it also doesn't have to ruin something special.  Don't forget that it was in the past.

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Anonymous