Anonymous

There's this guy I really care for but it doesn't seem like he is making time for me. I'm going slow, we've kissed once, hugged several times. It feels so right in his arms he thinks so too. I'm confused?

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Lia Tan Profile
Lia Tan answered

So what exactly are you confused about? Are you confused about why he isn't giving you some time, are you confused about why you are feeling this way, or are you confused for some completely different reason? Find that out what that is first.

Although since you can't exactly give me the answers right now, I will address the first two possible reasons why you might be confused.

The first one: Why doesn't he give me some of his time? This can mean that he's busy, has a one-tracked mind (essentially he can only think about one thing at a time and usually those are the things that are in his immediate future), or is confused himself about his own feelings. The last one usually would've been he's not into you but in your case, it does seem that he's interested in you either as a friend or more (most likely more) which is why I said that he could be confused. If he's busy or he has a mind that can only think about one thing at a time, there really isn't much you can do about it. It's just how things are right now or who he is. It doesn't mean that he doesn't like you or care about you, it's just that there are things outside of his control that prevents him from giving you the attention you deserve. But be sure to mention it every now and then, to remind him a little. And if he can't fit time with you, then go make plans with your friends. It'll make him realize that he needs to put effort in trying to be with you because you won't be waiting around for him. If he's confused, then just leave him be for a while. Don't contact him too much since he needs to get his feelings all sorted out, but be sure to still be there for him. Don't pressure him to make too many decisions or commitment right away. If it drags out for months, then that's when you should talk to him.

The second one: You are confused about your feelings. Liking someone and getting into relationships can be awkward, wonderful, nervous, and exciting all at once. It's not hard to believe if you get caught up in all these emotions. I had a friend who was totally confused in what she wanted in a relationship and if she actually had feelings for the guy or if she simply wanted a boyfriend. The whole time she dated that guy, their relationship was like a death coaster, going up and down into emotional loops and eventually crashing and burning. Lesson is that if you don't get your act together with your feelings, things will be awful and very painful to either experience yourself or for other people to watch. It will end like the death coaster. So that's why stop and think for a second. If you get butterflies in your stomach or you feel uplifted, then that's great! You are feeling something! If you aren't really getting any emotion from him, but you like him because personality wise he's a great match for you, then stop it. This may seem shallow, but it's true: The very root of a relationship is on how attracted you are to each other. The compatible personality thing comes later on and easier to build once you get that initial attraction. The most important thing to get straightened out is if you actually have feelings for the guy and is attracted to him. Don't confuse attraction with personality compatibility; they are two totally different things.

I hope this helps. If you need any more help, feel free to contact me. Good luck.

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