What should you do if the person you want to be with, wants you, but doesn't want a relationship? Stick it out and see what happens, or let it go and move on?

2 Answers

Yo Kass Profile
Yo Kass answered

I guess the short answer is it depends what YOU want.

It sound to me like you're not happy with the idea of "sticking it out and seeing what happens", but you're willing to do it in the hope that things might become more serious.

Whilst patience can be important in a relationship - I believe that if a connection is going to last the test of time, it needs to have plenty of energy and passion from the get-go.

Trying to convince yourself that he'll want you more later on, and want to settle down and commit to a relationship sounds like you're avoiding the painful fact that it just might not be what he wants.

What's going to change in the next week/month/year that's going to make him want to be in a relationship with you more than he does now?

On the other hand, if you're not that emotionally involved but feel like being in a relationship beats being single, maybe this is a "small connecting flight" that's going to see you through to the main international airport where you'll be swept off your feet by an Airbus A380.

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Allie Abgarian
Allie Abgarian commented
Me too. Thanks for the answer. Unfortunately I'm still in limbo, but I guess I already know the answer to my own question.
Anonymous
Anonymous commented
Very sorry to hear the situation :/ In my experience, you can't change somebody else and they have often moved on mentally by the time they let you know (bitter, me? naaaah ;))

I think it's better to steel yourself to the future than get hurt holding onto something that's moving away.

I hope things work out OK for you.
Allie Abgarian
Allie Abgarian commented
Thanks Scott. I know that I'll probably just get hurt in the end. It's just hard to let it go, I suppose.
Lily Bradic Profile
Lily Bradic answered

I think it depends how much you like this person—if you're really into them, but they're just after a bit of fun, then you're probably better off moving on. Waiting around in the hope that somebody changes their mind usually leads to heartache.

Source: Tinybuddha.com

I think you really need to sit down and talk this through with the other person. Let them know that you want to be with them, but if they don't want the same thing, then they need to tell you now.

At the thought of losing you entirely, they may change their mind about not wanting a relationship. If they don't, then it's highly unlikely that they ever will.

I think this is why friends-with-benefits situations never really work out—there's always one person who ends up developing feelings and gets hurt.

Unless the person you like has a very good reason for not wanting a relationship right now, I'd suggest staying clear. It's understandable if they've just had a bad break-up; maybe they need some space.

If it's just a case of them not wanting to be tied down, then there's really not much you can do, unfortunately. Move on before you get hurt!

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Allie Abgarian
Allie Abgarian commented
Well, that's the thing. I wish he was horrible. He really isn't. That would make it so much easier. And to follow your advice, I did actually speak with him today.

It seems he has had three girlfriends for a total of 9 years, which is most of his twenties. So really, even I get his point. Doesn't make it any less painful, or exhausting. I suppose I'm holding out for nothing.
Lily Bradic
Lily Bradic commented
Sorry to hear that :( at least you have the truth, though.
The thing is, if he was horrible, you wouldn't be in this position in the first place - it makes sense that he's a nice person. You'll be happier in the long run if you let go now. I'm sure you'll find someone just as nice, if not nicer, who is willing to be with you and you alone.
Allie Abgarian
Allie Abgarian commented
You're like my voice of reason, and everyone's saying the same thing. Too bad I've always been a heart instead of head kind-of-gal'. I'm just not ready to let it go. I appreciate the advice though.

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