Oh, Wow! I was just marvelling at this phenomenon the other day!
Anyhow, I have found the direct approach to be the most effective for me. Actually, how this started was that I was trying to deal with a person who just LIVED for the opportunity to bait others into arguments. I mean, this guy THRIVED on it! Finally, out of frustration, anger, and the sheer not wanting this guy to feed off me any more, I closed my eyes and said (very automatically, measured, and monotonally) "I refuse to allow you to bait me into an argument. I have much more important things in my life that I need to focus on, and I'm tired of being used by you to feed your jones for a fight. If you need one that badly, go find someone else to be your instrument of negativity. I'm no longer available. 'Bye!" And with that, I'd just turn around and walk away---you have to, because they'll usually say something like "What are you talking about? I'm not the one who..."----and so on, and so forth, etcetera, ad nauseum. You get the idea! It may take a few times of doing that, and, sometimes, it may feel totally manufactured, but you get the satisfaction of not getting your energy sucked out of you any more, calling the instigator on their B.S., and your confidence rises because YOU have taken back the control over YOUR LIFE; folks take notice of that sort of thing, even if they themselves don't notice it.
Of course, there are those times when we come to the realization that certain warmonger-types stop coming around, stop talking to us, and leave places that we walk into. See this as a positive thing, though, because those particular ones see that you are no longer the fodder for their desire to be miserable and take everyone down with them, and that, as long as they are going to be the way that they are, YOU are just wonderfully getting along without their dragging you into their muck. Way to go! Blessings and Joy to ya!
Anyhow, I have found the direct approach to be the most effective for me. Actually, how this started was that I was trying to deal with a person who just LIVED for the opportunity to bait others into arguments. I mean, this guy THRIVED on it! Finally, out of frustration, anger, and the sheer not wanting this guy to feed off me any more, I closed my eyes and said (very automatically, measured, and monotonally) "I refuse to allow you to bait me into an argument. I have much more important things in my life that I need to focus on, and I'm tired of being used by you to feed your jones for a fight. If you need one that badly, go find someone else to be your instrument of negativity. I'm no longer available. 'Bye!" And with that, I'd just turn around and walk away---you have to, because they'll usually say something like "What are you talking about? I'm not the one who..."----and so on, and so forth, etcetera, ad nauseum. You get the idea! It may take a few times of doing that, and, sometimes, it may feel totally manufactured, but you get the satisfaction of not getting your energy sucked out of you any more, calling the instigator on their B.S., and your confidence rises because YOU have taken back the control over YOUR LIFE; folks take notice of that sort of thing, even if they themselves don't notice it.
Of course, there are those times when we come to the realization that certain warmonger-types stop coming around, stop talking to us, and leave places that we walk into. See this as a positive thing, though, because those particular ones see that you are no longer the fodder for their desire to be miserable and take everyone down with them, and that, as long as they are going to be the way that they are, YOU are just wonderfully getting along without their dragging you into their muck. Way to go! Blessings and Joy to ya!