How Do You Handle People Who Seem To Enjoy Baiting Others Into Arguments?


4 Answers

Amber Cross Profile
Amber Cross answered
Oh, Wow! I was just marvelling at this phenomenon the other day!

Anyhow, I have found the direct approach to be the most effective for me. Actually, how this started was that I was trying to deal with a person who just LIVED for the opportunity to bait others into arguments. I mean, this guy THRIVED on it! Finally, out of frustration, anger, and the sheer not wanting this guy to feed off me any more, I closed my eyes and said (very automatically, measured, and monotonally) "I refuse to allow you to bait me into an argument. I have much more important things in my life that I need to focus on, and I'm tired of being used by you to feed your jones for a fight. If you need one that badly, go find someone else to be your instrument of negativity. I'm no longer available. 'Bye!" And with that, I'd just turn around and walk away---you have to, because they'll usually say something like "What are you talking about? I'm not the one who..."----and so on, and so forth, etcetera, ad nauseum. You get the idea! It may take a few times of doing that, and, sometimes, it may feel totally manufactured, but you get the satisfaction of not getting your energy sucked out of you any more, calling the instigator on their B.S., and your confidence rises because YOU have taken back the control over YOUR LIFE; folks take notice of that sort of thing, even if they themselves don't notice it.

Of course, there are those times when we come to the realization that certain warmonger-types stop coming around, stop talking to us, and leave places that we walk into. See this as a positive thing, though, because those particular ones see that you are no longer the fodder for their desire to be miserable and take everyone down with them, and that, as long as they are going to be the way that they are, YOU are just wonderfully getting along without their dragging you into their muck. Way to go! Blessings and Joy to ya!
thanked the writer.
Anonymous commented
Another GREAT response! It is inspiring to hear about others' success. I also appreciate that you acknowledge that it may not be easy at first. So many times, when giving advice, people tend to say "do THIS, it works for me" without saying that it takes work, patience and time to change. Thank you, thank you, thank you!
Anonymous commented
Well done! Great advice! Practical and inspiring!
Dee-Jay Hange Profile
Dee-Jay Hange answered
The person who is arguing is called the persecutor, and the one who shuts up and says nothing is called the victim. Well all have these traits at times.both are unhealthy.

NOne the less I have a hard time dealing with people who like to argue. I my self find my self getting caught up in this game if u will. I have read a book called "Breaking Free" which can help explain this phenomena. It tends; for some, to go back to childhood.

As young people we learn certain behaviors that we see and/or hear. You know the old saying, "monkey see monkey do." Turns out its actually  true.

I have been in many arguments; sadly, often times the aggressor. I tried to be nice but often was vindictive creating a passive aggressive attitude, w/o knowing it, cus thats what my mom does. My dad is always rite. THe shove it down ur throat guy. As soon as I seen my self actin this way (cus of the  book) I said  i can't do this i dont wanna treat people how i my self hate being treated.

It took a lot for me to realize and admit this.  

I now find my self in the middle of a "pointless" argument and I try to shut up and take a deep breath. THen I will say "Well ur rite."  or "I am choosing not to partake in this"  If they wanna get the last word and push that button I tend to laugh to my self. Sometimes even out loud. When I do this it tends to get to them. I guess thats a passive aggressive way. I dont do it on purpose though I do enjoy their anger it makes me laughf even more.

HAVING BEEN THERE MY SELF I CAN SEE THEIR SICK PEOPLE, who probably have some house cleaning to do. That is they arn't perfect. Some people just dont wanna look in the mirror it is hard and painful to admit to ourselfs and ego that we might be wrong and in perfect. Wow what a concept im not perfect. THeres a ego blow. Lol

The best thing to do would actually be assertive. You need to express your feelings (particularity  if it is a loved one I usually wont argue with some one I don't care about) Its about boundaries. That is to say I dont wanna 2 b treated this way.

By not saying anything you set the stages for this behavior to continue. Dont allow ur self to be punished by these people

There sick you can better yourself by setting boundries.  Its hard to explain in full when Im so young at practicing this my self.

Something I try and say 'I respect your thoughts and feelings, but I am feeling attacked do you think WE could drop it, or agree to disagree. Maby we could discuss this later after I calm down."  Its never good say, "after YOU calm down." Cus I am now saying you arn't calm, another reason  or excuse to be upset or hostile. Never place blame. Let them c there faults. Maybe show how you may have participated and kill it with kindness. They will either get very upset, or just go wow I'm an @zz.  Either way after enough of this they will leave you out of it realizing they cant bring you to there level.

\Well that dident really  answer the question verry clearly did it? LOL  well The answer i wanted to say is be
To be assertive is to remain calm, while still setting you boundaries, so the attacker isint constantly repeating the behavior which is stressful.

They argue with those who they know they can over power in a yelling match. By not allowing them to get this satisfaction they will eventually find a new victim or quit the aasinine behavior.  

Thank that was fun and reinforcing for what I need to practice more. I wish I could be perfect with this. NO one is always in the right. THose who think they are are in denial...

Go read up on assertive behaviors. Wich is my final answer...

Here is a decent site. IT is smarter than I  LOL
thanked the writer.
Anonymous commented
What a GREAT answer!! Thank you so much. That was really well thought out and thorough. Congratulations on working on becoming aware of and changing behavior that you don't like. I especially like what you say about not arguing with someone you don't care about. Also, the "I'm not perfect", SO TRUE! Also so true that we learn behaviors from our upbringing/parents and those habits are REALLY hard to break. I have read something that goes like "He who angers you, controls you." That's a good one to keep in mind, too. Many thanks again!
Suhail Ajmal Profile
Suhail Ajmal answered
It depends upon every person, how he would like to handle it. I can tell you about my nature. I don't like to argue on any subject as I believe that you can't impose your will and thoughts to others. Most people are adamant. They resist the change and they always think that they are right.
Silence in my opinion is the best weapon. If you want to argue then you must have good knowledge of the subject so that you can satisfy the other person by giving examples.
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
What? What do you mean baiting people? Just kidding!
The way to handle it is not to engage in it. It's hard to argue with ones self! If no one is biting the bait then there is nothing to fight about!

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