Without question, explaining the death of their beloved Mom-mom. She died in her sleep (we should all be so lucky, eh) though at an early age (66). My wife was incoherent with grief and it was left to me, being a combat vet, to try to articulate the realities of death to my kids. The "birds-and-bees" talk was a breeze by comparison.
Our next door neighbor had a little girl who just adored my wife. Starting when she was about two, she'd eat dinner at our house most nights and we'd always take her with us on our weekly Walmart excursions. For the next 4 years, they called each other 'best buds' and my wife spoiled her rotten.
When my wife became sick and passed away, the toughest conversation in my life had to happen. She had so many questions and just couldn't understand why she wouldn't see her best bud any longer. That little girl is 19 now and starting her first year of college. For a high school graduation gift, I gave her my wife's car that had been sitting in the garage all those years. She didn't even know that I still had it and was in shock when it was parked in front of her house with a big bow on it. She's a great kid and I hope you'll vote for her when she runs for president in about 40 years.
The time I had to explain to my daughter that her brother was in a psych hospital because he had attempted suicide.
The time I had to explain to my daughter that those strangers who treated her badly were ignorant because they judged her on the scars on her body.
The time that I had to explain to my daughter that being related didn't mean that someone would treat you well. This after her cousin told her she couldn't hang out with her anymore because she had "mental problems" and she didn't want to get "it".
As a parent the hardest conversations were the ones where their innocence was crushed, or taken away.
I find any conversation with a child difficult. We live in different worlds and speak different languages. But Isaac Asimov recounted a conversation with a child that didn't turn out as well as it might.
He was guest speaker at a NYC high school and had chosen astronomy as his subject. When he invited questions one kid asked, "What's the closest star to Earth?"
Asimov went into some detail about Alpha Centauri it's its blind brother, Proxima Centauri, and waited for the boy's comment which was, "I thought the Sun was the closest."
Smart ass!
Telling my daughter that her daddy had passed away.
Many conversations are tough when it comes to being a parent. This particular conversation stands out as a tough one for me.... It was our daughters 4th birthday and we were hoping on the bus to get to my husbands court date. My husband told our daughter he would be home to celebrate her birthday and hugged her good bye. She didn't want daddy to go. The bus was running late so we got to court late and the judge wanted to teach the court a lesson that he would not tolerate tardiness. So he had the bailiff handcuff Yang right then and there. I was shocked and appalled! When I showed up at home without her daddy, THAT was a tough conversation to have! I had to explain to a four year old that her daddy would not be home for her birthday.
I've been very fortunate in that deaths were not an issue when they would have had trouble understanding and I would have struggled to explain.
I also was able to establish my credibility with my 3 boys---much as my father had with his friends at his work and with me as well when I was a child.
So both my children and I were fortunate in that when I explained things to them, they knew they were getting the truth and had confidence that they would understand one day, even if they didn't completely comprehend what I was saying at the moment.
That in turn kept their anxiety levels very low, which made it much easier to deal with reality.
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