How do you recover from having toxic parents?

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dragonfly forty-six Profile
dragonfly forty-six answered

You make long term goals and start preparing for them. Get good grades, volunteer, get a job. Anything that will help you get into a four year college, and gets you out of your home as often as possible. Surround yourself with caring, supportive people. See if someone would foot the bill for therapy.

After you have removed yourself from the home, go to therapy. Get self help books at the library. Learn from their mistakes and vow to not repeat them. Work on your self esteem, find and know your worth. You will heal. With determination, education, support and time, you will get through this.

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Tom Jackson
Tom Jackson commented
Whoa.

Not even back pedaling.

No we don't know whether either of us helped, and we may never will.

But my answer, as opposed to your answer (and in turn as opposed to your comment) is unlikely to cause harm.

Who doesn't want to be right---why else do you answer questions? The problem that people seem to have with me is that I also like to be precise---If multiple causation is suspected, differential diagnosis---as well as differential remediation---is essential. I always keep that in mind.

Everyone "does their best." I aim a little higher. My answers on here are informed by considerable knowledge of, if not what is better, than certainly about what can be worse.

Your other comments about---emotion, respect, graciousness, etc are specious. Don't spare me your emotions---I will survive.

And, please, don't even try to make me feel bad about what I post---that's the definition of a "waste of time.".
dragonfly forty-six
dragonfly forty-six commented
LOL!!!! Again, you have a really nice day, Tom.
dragonfly forty-six
dragonfly forty-six commented
"Methinks thou dost protest too much"
Cindy Lou Profile
Cindy Lou answered

Dragonfly's answer is spot on. Follow her advice and you will prevail. It's exactly what I did to get away from my toxic family at your age.

Walt O'Reagun Profile
Walt O'Reagun answered

Put them in a barrel, and bury it.

Bikergirl Anonymous Profile
Bikergirl Anonymous answered

That is a very good question and not an easy one to answer considering our parents are our most disctinct influence.

The best advise I can give is to keep your focus on not being like them.  I am assuming you are an intelligent caring individual, who although may have a troubled past, can distinguish between what is 'right' and what is 'wrong'...what is 'good' and what is 'bad'.  Hone your own skills and integrity and don't make the same mistakes in your life as they did. Look forward and understand there are consequences as well as benefits for all we do in one way or another ..  Contemplate your choices before you make them...especially when it comes to choosing a life partner.

PJ Stein Profile
PJ Stein answered

Dragonfly nailed. You get out and you find someone to talk to. I realize that is hard and scary even, but you really have to focus on yourself and your goals for awhile and not get sidetracked. Surround yourself with people who are going to help you get there. And this may sound silly, but at least once week do something just for you. Sometimes that is just spending 20 minutes walking in a park, or buying yourself an ice cream. Sometimes it means spending money on a new top that makes you feel good when you wear it.

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dragonfly forty-six
dragonfly forty-six commented
Thanks, Gator. I really liked your suggestion of doing something nice for herself. In my experience I found that so helpful, yet not something I always remembered to do. Thanks for the reminder.
PJ Stein
PJ Stein commented
You are welcome. I think a lot of people forget to do something for themselves.
Michael Poland Profile
Michael Poland answered

Don't be one yourself.

Tom Jackson Profile
Tom Jackson answered

Here is a darn good site to look at:

http://www.heysigmund.com/toxic-parent/

You can probably start to do much now.  When you get out on your own, a therapist can help you tie up any loose ends.

And something to ponder:

You did not and do not deserve to be treated like that. You were worth much more than that. You have been hurt in various ways and to various degrees.  Eventually you will be able to forgive them, but do not forgive them too soon. Forgiving takes a certain amount of energy and you need all that energy to focus on yourself for the foreseeable future.

I put that in italics because you need to keep that in mind as you are healing and you may need to review it every once in a while.

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