My son who is 12 decides he's going to make Mac and cheese for the first time. He is all excited about it My boyfriend comes in takes a bite and says how nasty it taste repeatedly and than leaves the room. Is this right? It broke my heart.


14 Answers

Rooster Cogburn Profile
Rooster Cogburn , Rooster Cogburn, answered

I'm sorry to say this but your boyfriend has no class. Give the kid a break ! His first try. He'll learn. Next time tell this boyfriend to make it and see if it's any better. It isn't right and you should do all you can to make your son feel better. Plus give him another chance at it. It isn't easy right off to cook anything. Tell the boyfriend to take a hike and let the boy cook.

Lard Ass Profile
Lard Ass answered

Aww how sweet that your child wants to do something like that for you, I think it's wonderful and his curiosity in cooking should be nurtured.....your boyfriend on the other hand, should be neutered for doing that, nothing destroys a child's self esteem faster than negativity.

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Lard Ass
Lard Ass commented
@Z....yep, I can be quite "medieval" when it's needed by no means need "help" you just need to find the right man who will love you and your child for who you are. When you do, it's wonderful.
Virginia Lou
Virginia Lou commented
Holly, as long as he is around you will be trying to raise your own plus raise him also.
He does not even acknowledge his harshness nor does he show any regret...your priority is your children.
KB Baldwin
KB Baldwin commented
Jann Nikka Profile
Jann Nikka answered

Your boyfriend was very cruel and hateful. I'm sure it's not his first or second time he's been disrespect and rude to your son. Its time to protect your precious child.

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Jann Nikka
Jann Nikka commented
Holly, you're not going to leave him, which is very sad, problem is you love your child's abuser more than you love your child and yourself 😔.
dragonfly forty-six Profile

Why would you have a man in your life who would disrespect your kid this way? Are you going to do anything about it? Honesty is one thing, cruelty is another. Your man was cruel to your child. That's not okay. Before you give me that crud about "how I love my boyfriend so much" or "I've never seen him do that before" save it. I'm going to be harsh, but hopefully it will shock you. This is NOT the first time he has been cruel to your kid, and if you do not put a stop to it and choose your kid over your lover, YOU WILL REGRET THIS ACTION FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE. You want a life of regret? Keep looking the other way....

Holly Spicer Profile
Holly Spicer answered

Thanks everyone! I felt like I was going crazy, I've never had great self esteem so I try to encourage my kids not bring them down, he's just saying I'm blowing it out of proportion and I need help. It's so frustrating.

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Rooster Cogburn
Rooster Cogburn commented
You don't need the help, this boyfriend needs help out the door. He's your son and it's obvious this guy doesn't care. Time to make a move lady and change your life. We're all with you!
Jann Nikka
Jann Nikka commented
Sad part you're not going to do the right thing, until it's late 😔 You love your child's abuser more than you love your child and yourself too sad.
Bikergirl Anonymous
Of course that is what he would say .. His obvious abusive personality thrives on demeaning others .. Because that provides him his feeling of control and power .. I imagine that he really believes he did nothing wrong .. That, is HIS reality .. It should not be yours. He will do his best to convince you otherwise. Only YOU can decide what environment not only you yourself want to live in, but what kind of influence you want around your young family ..I warn you .. This will not be a one time event so Choose wisely !
PJ Stein Profile
PJ Stein answered

I am going to be blunt, you boyfriend is a jerk. (Actually I would like to use another word, but then my comment would be removed.) He needs to apologize to your son. He needs to grow up, and learn to give constructive criticism to help your son learn. (Like go over the steps and find out where there was an error.) Putting him down does nothing but hurt your son and show that your boyfriend is an immature creep. If your boyfriend can't do that, the it is time for hi  to go.

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Holly Spicer
Holly Spicer commented
I know this. I told him he was a jerk, and he needs to apologize but he refuses. I really think that he doesn't think he did anything wrong and that I'm the problem...its just so frustrating!
Bikergirl Anonymous
Holly .. i feel compelled to ask .. So what ARE you doing about it?
Ancient Hippy Profile
Ancient Hippy answered

That was totally inconsiderate to your son AND to you. He needs to man up and learn how to deal with a child.
My kids made the ugliest Christmas decorations when they were little. They're all in their 30's and 40's now and I still hang up the ugly decorations. Praising children for a job well done, even if it tastes bad or is ugly, is just the right thing to do.

Skip  Gentry Profile
Skip Gentry answered

That was so rude of your boyfriend! I would be totaling upset with him! He has no respect for you or your son. I would tell him to hit the road!

Bikergirl Anonymous Profile

Right? No, it is not right .. Not even remotely 'right' .. What it is .. Is beyond being non supportive .. More like, Passive aggressive. This so called boyfriend just emotional slapped your son right across the face .. His words were not just critical .. They were destructive and hurled at your son for no other reason but to to hurt and destroy what he , as such a young child, was struggling to accomplish. That is not right on many levels .. As a matter of fact to the point where if I was you, I would not be heartbroken .. Hell no ! .. Not THIS mamma bear .. I would be absolutely furious!  I would not want to share my time nor my family with such a cold hearted bully.

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Bikergirl Anonymous
I totally understand how confusing it all is .. And I can totally empathize .. But .. This one single instance can't be the only issue you've had with this man. I would bet there are many. So .. To help you lay weight to how to go about what to do .. Just weigh the facts and your priorities. Prioritize who is more important .. Him or your children. Is he a good father and influence on you me lives? If he is a good influence .. The choice of what to do is easy .. If, on the other hand he is not, well then .. The choice is also easy. Do not sacrifice your family because of the choices you have made in the past .. It's tone to look forward not backward ., and use your good sense to best provide for your family.
Bikergirl Anonymous
And .. Ask yourself what exactly does he have to offer not just you but your children ..on an emotionally supportive level .. A lifetime of dysfunction and sadness is not an option.
KB Baldwin
KB Baldwin commented
Your children will not thank you for staying with him. The one thing I cannot forgive my father for is staying with my step-mother, who obviously the spiritual twin of your boyfriend.
Corey The Goofyhawk Profile
Corey The Goofyhawk , Epic has no limit, answered

That was just cruel. Your son wants to learn and to help out which is great! Kudos to your son for taking the initiative! We could use more kids of his heart. Your boyfriend on the other hand... I would have traded that Mac and Cheese of his for a knuckle sandwhich and asked if he liked the taste of loose teeth and blood instead...

Tom  Jackson Profile
Tom Jackson answered

It's way far from right, but let's not impute evil intent to him just yet.

I'm guessing he's never had kids that age and has never thought much about how very important is the building of and continual protecting of anyone's self esteem---and especially that of a child.

You can easily snatch victory from the jaws of defeat.  Tell him you don't know why your friend didn't like it.  Suggest you both make it again---just observe more than assist---and tell your boyfriend not to react emotionally one way or another---but find something positive to say to your son.

Your son will have a positive experience this time and he will also learn that if he did make an error, that being "wrong" is not something to fear, not should it "disincentivize" him in the future.

And if he did not make a "mistake," he will have learned that adults are not necessarily perfect either.

Danae Hitch Profile
Danae Hitch answered

As others have stated, he's being a jerk and he compounded the problem by not admitting that he was being a jerk.

I know you have a child with him. My answer to you is SO WHAT.

Sorry if that's too blunt. However, your children are watching what you do and say in this situation. They need to know that you will be their defender when appropriate.  If your son was 5 and burned up the stove when he cooked something, then obviously there should be parental correction - not humiliation - for the child.

If he cannot see that being cruel and hurting someone's feelings when they made an effort to cook something, or help someone, or a myriad of other things, then what value are they adding to your household?

Your boyfriend is a grown man. He can be booted out of the household and be able to survive just fine. Your children cannot. Be their defender, not a victim.

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