What excuse can I give to my Uni lecturer for not attending any lectures or seminars in a week? (I don't actually have an excuse...I was just slacking!).

Skipping classes already? Tut tut tut. As I don't condone this kind of behaviour, I'll have to post this answer anonymously.

So the thing to remember about university lecturers is that they've heard it all: Dog died, house caught fire, volcanic eruption grounded my flight (I've personally used that one) - so to catch them out you'll need to be extra clever.

Here are some techniques that will help you excuse yourself from pretty much anything. Use this knowledge wisely.

How to skip class and get away with it

Where's your evidence?

Teachers and tutors like proof. Cold, hard evidence. Making friends with your doctor is a good idea if you're going to go down the medical route. If you obtain a neck brace or crutches, that's even better!

Coming down with illnesses so specific that no-one would think of making it up is also a winner. "Sorry, I had the flu that week" sounds like a lame excuse, but suffering from an "invasive staphylococcal infection" sounds a lot more genuine.

Make sure to study up on the symptoms and incubation period though.

Unforeseeable life events are

a common trick, and again... The more uncommon, the less likely you are to get caught out.

I like things like:

- My best friend had a mental breakdown

- I was court-ordered to attend rehab

The sympathy factor is also a good one to use. Making people feel so sorry for you that they'll let you get away with missing a week's worth of classes is tricky, so you'll have to be a great actor to pull these ones off:

- My parents are going through a really messy divorce and I really just needed a few days alone to think about things.

- I got drunk at a party and passed out, and someone kindly shaved off my eyebrows. I was too embarrassed to show my face...