Can my mom tell me who I can date?

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Can my mom tell me who I can date?

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Answer 1

Your mom can try to tell you who and who not to date, but in practise, there's really not a great deal she can do about it.

If you still live with your mom and are underage, she can stop you going out to see your boyfriend or girlfriend, but there's nothing she can do if you know them from school and will see them around anyway.

The younger you are, the more power your parents can have over your dating life. It sounds to me like your mother either really dislikes your choice of partner, or thinks you're too young for dating. Whatever the case may be, she's only looking out for you — even if she may be wrong about this person, and you might not like her for it.

How To Date Someone Your Mom Doesn't Want You To Date

First, I'd try to persuade her — get her to invite your boyfriend or girlfriend over after school, so she can meet them and get to know them without having to worry that you'll get up to anything.
If she agrees to this, you're probably going to be asked to keep your bedroom door open if you go upstairs. Don't argue with this until your mom is used to the idea of you dating, or until you're older — if you're thirteen, you'll only be fighting a losing battle.
Alternatively, if your mom flat-out refuses to let you date someone, you could arrange to meet up with a large group of friends at the weekend, and make sure that he's part of the group. This way you get to spend time together, even if it isn't ideal.
Don't lie to your mom and tell her you're staying with a friend if you're actually with the person you're dating. If she finds out, and you're young enough for her to be able to do something about it, she'll ruin your social life and chances of dating anybody, and you'll have to earn back her trust.

It's natural for your mom to be protective over you when you first start dating, so I can understand why she might want some control over this aspect of your life.

However, at the end of the day, who you date is nothing to do with her. If you can reason with your mom and explain why you like this person and how you're prepared to accept any rules she sets (curfews, days on which you see each other, etc.) then she'd not have much of a reason to say no.

Answer 2

From a mother perspective, and although my boy is still too young to date - that is if you don't count holding hands and kisses at 4 years old!

Anyway, I experienced with my parents the I-don'-want-you-to-date story again and again, either because I was too young or my parents didn't like the boy or whatever. But in the end there was nothing they could do to stop it.

So they decided to "join the enemy", so to speak, and let me go out with some level of "control". Which was not that restrictive and pretty common among my friends' parents. We had like a "support group" for misunderstood adolescents, or something like that.

Back to the point. Sometimes we, the parents - we're human after all -, tend to judge boys and girls by their attitudes or looks and we think to ourselves "I wouldn't date this boy/girl", or "my mother/father wouldn't have let me" or just because we don't like something about them. But the truth is that we have to accept our kids' choices.

We have been working really hard to encourage our kid to make his own decisions, even at this early age. It's important for building identity and security.

I know I will not like some of his friends - or maybe I will like them all - that I don't know. But no matter how hard we try just as Lily said, we can stop them going out to see their boyfriend or girlfriend, but there's nothing we can do if they will see them at school anyway.

Later on you'll learn how your mother's likes towards a type of guy she considers appropriate for you, will be exactly the opposite person that you'll chose. At least it happened to me and after 10 years of marriage I can say that choosing against her will worked out really good! Even for her! :-)