Are all humans really destined to be with someone ( living together/married/partners whatever), or can we be happy on our own? Is it a question of companionship and are we just afraid of dying alone?

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Kathryn Wright Profile
Kathryn Wright , I've spent one year single, but was with my husband for 9 years before we separated., answered

If you think of humans purely in terms of our biology as defined by Maslow's hierarchy of needs, then no we are not meant to be alone. In purely evolutionary terms, we are meant to find partners to procreate with. I personally think that this is the undercurrent of everything we do whether we want it to be or not. As humans our minds are such that we can prioritise and decide the order that this comes in throughout the course of our lives, but it's hard to get away from, we are destined to ensure the survival of the human race.

Are we afraid of dying alone?

As the chart suggests, we do require more than the basics that keep us alive. I think companionship is one of the most enjoyable factors in life, after all, an experience is nothing on your own, it's sharing it with someone, and sharing and revisiting that memory with someone that really makes it worthwhile.

My personal experience

Having spent from when I was 18 till I was 30 in a serious relationship, spending a year single has been a real eye opener. I used to look at single people and feel pity for them, I assumed that all they must secretly want to be in a relationship - the more they protested they didn't the more I thought they were in denial.

It took me about six months of being single before I even started buying what I wanted for dinner at the supermarket, and not the stuff I used to buy for my husband. Learning to keep yourself happy is really important and far healthier, as long as it doesn't turn into being selfish!

Still ultimately, I don't want to be on my own forever, and definitely don't want to die alone. I think the number of people you have around you when you die is a direct reflection of the type of person you have been and the relationships you have worked on throughout your life.

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Kathryn Wright
Kathryn Wright commented
I completely agree, I certainly don't want to become a parody of a singleton with a chip on their shoulder about relationships past, and I've been very lucky with not having too many bad experiences. You're right, I've also learnt who I am over the past year, and learnt to be happy with that. Thanks for your contribution!
Allie Abgarian
Allie Abgarian commented
It's always nice to discuss life matters. I think it's very important to experience as much as possible, be it good or bad. And it sounds like you've got a great attitude towards it!
Melinda Moore
Melinda Moore commented
What a wonderful answer. It addresses everything, from biological imperatives to the pressure exerted by social norms.

I think learning to be happy by yourself is a pre-requisite for learning to live with someone else, if - as you say - it doesn't make you selfish. That's because, if you know how to be by yourself, you're then more likely to make good choices about who you want to be with, than if you're just desperate not to be single, so I completely agree with you on that!

I also agree that, at the end of your life, not many people have a headstone that says, "beloved postman" or "respected secretary" or whatever - at that stage in our lives, it seems to be what we've meant to the people we love that counts the most.
Arthur Wright Profile
Arthur Wright , Florida Paralegal with a BS degree in Social-Psychology, answered

No, not at all. Not everyone is detined to be with someone or even with someone of the opposite sex.  Many people out here are perfectly happy being single and unattached so it all comes down to "to each their own"  and whatever makes them happy. Also it really isn't anyone elses business how they live their life either


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