How To Stand Up To A Bully Sister In Law?

My sister in law is a bully, she tries to control my family she shouts abuse at me down the phone.  My husband and  I separated for a brief time 10 years ago and we have been married for over 35 years.  When she heard we were getting back together she was verbally abusive to me down the phone ranting and raving. It was so bad I saw a counsellor. I never told anyone about it because of upsetting the rest of the family.  On visits she would talk over me she would talk to my husband and always fussed over him it was though I was not in the room. Five years ago our only son and his fiancee fell pregnant.  Again my sister in law was very abusive saying she was not telling her 8 year old daughter that at Xmas time she was 5.5 months and we were not allowed to discuss the baby.  It all got out of hand and we said she was not welcome in our home at Xmas. She lied to her 8 year old daughter and told her that one of was sick... It was horrendous!!!  Anyway after time and lots of discussions we forgave her eventhough she never apologised for her behavour.  The latest episode was a few weeks ago when she verbally abused me again on the phone.  Because she doesn't like me taking our 85 yr old father in law to see his brother in law.  She thinks that our uncle peter is her possession and she won't discuss him and gets very possessive.  The home where our uncle is in contacted me because they couldn't get hold over her... She went ballistic at me.  My husband doesn't want anything to do with his uncle as my husband has a stressful job etc.   I am at my wits end with my bullying, control freak of a sister in law.  She does not help out with the father in law but will help this uncle... Which again is strange.  I can't talk to my brother in law because he is well under thumb.

Good luck!!! Girls are vicious, Everyone has a place in your husbands life, his mother , his sister, and you, she knows that no matter what happens she will always be his sister, you on the other hand are just the wife in her mind, so that gives her the power because if anything was to happen, you can be replaced....you need to make your stand as the main part in he life and you don't plan on being replaced....a wife should come first to her husband, and his family 2nd.....do you know if your husband and his sister were close....if so she may feel like you replaced her......talk to your husband for some insight maybe he can help....or maybe he can set her straight

The very best thing you can do is ignore her as much as you possibly can.  You must keep in mind that you love your brother and he loves her.  The important thing is not to let a bitch S-I-L ruin the relationship you have with your brother.  I have "put up" with a bitch, crazy S-I-L for almost 15 years, its a real challenge.  But every time I want to scream at her, I think of what I would do if I did and caused an irreparable rift with my brother.  Grit you teeth, count to 10, walk away..whatever it takes but do not unload on the woman.  That may be exactly what she wants.  You have got to love your brother more than you hate her.

My sister in law is a bully despite being younger than me and not at all accomplished. By all accounts she was a bully growing up and to this day is awful in cycles to everyone around her, creating division and unhappiness. She has used her children, the only ones in the extended family, as pawns to control a group of otherwise bright confident adults successfully for a decade. However, the tide is turning... As time has gone on, both sides of the family have one by one been worn out by the nastiness and manipulation. I finally snapped and told her what I thought of her after one too many attacks, as has her sister and mother. I hold very little hope that she will change as she is the definition of narcissistic personality disorder, but I finally feel very positive for everyone else as her strange and vicious grip has been unfurled.
My advice is this... Do not wait ten years to say something if you are being treated badly. Say it or write it down. Stand up for yourself. Do not fear a negative consequence. The bully will destroy your relationship with your brother anyway if you allow her to continue. Sacrifice your relationship with nephews and nieces if you have to. I love mine, but I damaged my self-esteem putting up with abuse to see them. Being honest was a liberation. Look after number first. If standing up for yourself doesn't work, be willing to walk away. I have and my life is better for it. I miss the brother I grew up with and I hope things can one day be different, but I am done being a proverbial punching bag.