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Is it bad to go out with a clingy girl?

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Lia Tan Profile
Lia Tan answered

It depends on you and how clingy this girl is.

So let's talk about you first. What exactly do you consider as clingy? Is calling and/or texting you a few times a day clingy for you or does it have to go up to being calling and/or texting almost every breathing second for it to be clingy for you? Is asking you multiple times a week already clingy for you or can you handle being asked multiple times a day to hang out? Depending on the person, the answers to questions like these may change. That's why you need to know what the answers are for you to questions like these and determine your tolerance level when it comes to being clingy. If you think that you have a high tolerance level, then dating a clingy person may not be a bother for you so I'd suggest that you go for it and see how it works. You may find that your tolerance level has a limit or you may find that clingy people don't bother you at all. If you think you have a low tolerance level, then don't go out with a girl who is known to be clingy because she will drive you insane and cause you to repel her which will later on hurt her in the process.

Now let's look at the girl. Your job here is to determine how clingy she is in your opinion. Is she the right amount of clingy? Is she way too clingy? Or is she not clingy enough (yes, that is a thing believe it or not....having a partner who is not clingy enough may cause their partners to think that they do not actually love them)?

Anyway, I think that being clingy is a result of that person being insecure and I can say that that is true for myself. You see, many people (friends and people I've dated) have considered me clingy (except for those who are more clingy than I am) and I do think that it's because I am insecure about my friendship or relationship with them. The two types of people who I'm never clingy to are 1) those who I trust wholeheartedly and know where our friendship/relationship stands or 2) those who I don't actually care about. I remember vividly that I would always feel the need to cling on to someone who I felt was slipping away or could slip away at any second. I suppose being clingy was a way for me to try to reassure myself that these people don't actually hate me or that this person actually does want to go on a date with me or whatever. 

Sometimes being clingy is just a personality trait of being insecure that will never go away while other times it could just be a phase of insecurity. For me personally, I think that it's both. My dad's side of the family are very clingy people by nature (more so than I am sometimes), so I may have gotten some personality traits from them but at the same time, I realized that once these insecurities reduce, the clinginess I've had for that person also reduces. I was also recently depressed and during that time period I felt friendless and alone. You would think that I'd be even more clingy but in fact I think it has made me trust people less which has caused me to not put too much hope in any friendships/relationships that I do have (with the exceptions of those that I had already felt confident about before my depression). Anyway, I do have a point to this. 

My point is that clingy people are just insecure and being clingy is how they deal with that. It's not like they want to tie you down all the time and make you miserable (unless they're a sadist then who knows what their intentions are?). It's just that they are overly worried that you'll get hurt or that you'll betray them and they subconsciously think that holding down on you will prevent anything wrong from happening. Knowing this, if you find that you really like a girl who happens to be clingy, you have to put an effort to try to reassure her that you do in fact like her and that she is important to you. This will hopefully reduce some of her insecurities and eventually her clingy behavior. If you feel like she's not worth your effort or that she has to just deal with it, then that just shows that you actually don't really like her and that you should find someone else.

Anyway, overall going out with a clingy girl isn't bad if you know how to handle it or if you're willing to put in the effort. But if it's not for you, then it's not for you and that's perfectly fine too.

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