I've been 'seeing' a girl for a few weeks now, but it's not that serious yet. I'm going travelling soon, is it acceptable to sleep with other women whilst I'm away? Or would this be considered cheating?


5 Answers

Paul Airey Profile
Paul Airey answered

You need to ask her if it's exclusive yet or not.

1 Person thanked the writer.
Yo Kass
Yo Kass commented
I think you're wright Paul. I don't think too many people would be ok with their partner having "holiday affairs" and then coming back home like nothing happened!
Yo Kass Profile
Yo Kass answered

I think it'd be considered cheating. There's no reason why you can't tell this girl about your plans to go abroad and meet other women - if she then chooses to stay with you despite this, then you wouldn't be cheating.

However, not telling her about your plans is a sign that you know deep down that it's wrong. You're not giving her the option to make a decision based on the full facts.

I'd recommend you try and imagine how you'd feel if the shoe was on the other foot - what would you think if she did the same thing to you?

2 People thanked the writer.
View all 4 Comments
Yo Kass
Yo Kass commented
I hadn't even taken into account the possibility of STD's... what were your experiences in an open relationship like? Do you think it's ever possible for them to work out?
Paul Airey
Paul Airey commented
Personally, from experience, no. I don't think they can. I have been known to be wrong though (occasionally). We discussed at the start of the relationship that what the deal would be, company, doing stuff together when we were both off work and sleeping together. No (the new form of commitment) updating Facebook profile to say in a relationship with each other. In fact although people were asking what was going on the only people who knew what was actually going on was us. We were happy with that. I don't believe either of us felt "that" extra thing to commit to each other but enjoyed each other's company, still do, we've gone back to being friends now but it is not the same as before, doubt it ever will.

I have had other casual relationships, similar to that and they have been good so long as the boundaries are discussed and set quite early on. Making the step up to the next level is a big one and you both have to agree to it. In many ways it's much more difficult than a full on relationship as you do feel like you are cheating and it is a bit frustrating when you decide to stop the intimate side of your friendship.
Yo Kass
Yo Kass commented
Thanks for sharing your experiences - very interesting.

I kinda think that, no matter how people approach "open" relationships, feelings, emotions, and jealousy will naturally develop and complicate things.
Lily Bradic Profile
Lily Bradic answered

I would personally consider this cheating — if you're not sleeping with other girls while you're at home because that's cheating, why should it be any different when you're travelling?

You don't sound too serious about the girl you're currently seeing — I understand you haven't been together long, but if you're thinking of sleeping with other people when you're away, it doesn't seem like you're that crazy about her.

Either way, this girl won't be happy with you sleeping around when you're travelling. I think it's probably fairer to break up with her before you go, if you do want to sleep with other people when you're gone. If she finds out about it later on in the relationship, she'll be upset, and you probably won't want to deal with her anger, either!

If you don't want to end things with this girl, don't sleep with anybody else, either. Alternatively, compromise and take her with you — it could be a good chance to get to know each other, too!

Jason Gregson Profile
Jason Gregson answered

If you have to ask the question, it's not the right thing to do. Look inside and see if this feels like the right thing to do.

Morality is a flexible changing concept and what was morally acceptable 100 years ago is not acceptable today. Our ideas and notions of what is morally acceptable change all the time and so does the collective conscious and not always for the best.

So you may find in a 100 years that this practice of "What goes on on tour, stays on tour" becomes the norm, but right now; No Sir, you will be doing both of you a disservice, but this is just MY moral standpoint ;o)

Melinda Moore Profile
Melinda Moore answered

I think Paul's right and the the key question is, "Is it exclusive?".

"Seeing" her is a pretty loose phrase which could mean anything, so I guess it all depends on what both of you think the relationship actually is  at the moment, as well as what - if anything - it's planned to be once you go away, (not to mention on your return).

If you're hoping to continue the relationship while you're away, then it obviously isn't acceptable to sleep with someone else, unless your relationship isn't exclusive and your girlfriend's agreed to it.

But if you both intend to end the relationship when you go away - or, at least, go on a break - then it probably is okay, as long as both of you are aware of the "rules" and they're the same for both of you.

Even if you do agree that you can both sleep with other people, though, I still can't promise that you won't find yourself having a repeat of the classic Ross and Rachel argument from Friends, once you get back from your travels: "But we were ON A BREAK!"

The other advice given by others about STDS is also crucial, obviously!

Answer Question