I Am A Widow Of A Conservative Family Having Two Kids, Now I Am Having A Good Healthy Sexual Relation With My Husband's Brother Who Is Already Married. Now This Has Been Become A Problem But I Can't Stop This, Because I Also Have Some Physical Needs. What Should I Do?


11 Answers

Dipa Suresh Profile
Dipa Suresh answered
Please, get out of this kind of strange relationship as soon as you can, today if possible!
You say that you are a conservative woman, or at least, from a conservative family, and what gave you the idea of starting and continuing a hearty sexual relationship with your dead husband's brother, who is, to top it all,married?
Think of how you may be damaging the kids' self esteem, and the way in which they see the world. Do you think they would be happy when someone points a finger at them and makes stinging comments about you, or about their uncle, or even about their cousins?
This is not a relationship you can encourage; be aware that your brother-in-law may well be taking advantage of you and your sensitive situation.
However, if you remain convinced that you are having a great time, then go ahead, although you must remain warned that you are in a dangerous situation which, if exposed, will bring only heart-ache and pain to a whole lot of people around you, including your kids...
thanked the writer.
Kara OD
Kara OD commented
Stop doing what you are doing- it isn't right, ethically OR morally! You are actually causing problems for your family and his when this would all end up coming out in the lime-light. Why don't you find a boyfriend? Go onto and find someone that *isnt* related to you by marriage-- better yet, contact Dr. Phil!
Aamir Riaz Profile
Aamir Riaz answered
Let us analyse you situation first of all
1. You are widow and have two kids.
2. You are healthy and miss your sexual life.
3. You are from a conservative family.
4. You are involved in an unfair incest sort of relationship with your late husband's brother, who is married as well.

If I look at this from your perspective I find you right about your current affair. Because you may have not been given freedom to go out and meet new people so you picked the man easily accessible to you. In your situation no ethics value more than your hunger for sex.
But what is the need of your Husband's brother. He clearly is taking advantage of you and has no character. The being conservative of a family is just a stunt and fake face if the members of the family are having unfair relationship with their widow sister in law.
Now from the perspective of your kids, what would they think of you and of themselves when they will come to know about this? I am not trying to push pressure on you, it will be your call whether to stop or continue the affair. I am just showing you the picture from all the angles.

Your entire family would surely consider you the culprit when it is revealed upon them that their son is involved in it. So you may have a very short life of pleasure and a huge amount of days of disrespect and shame.

Decide yourself.
brittane blystone Profile
Well, first of all I think you need to get out of this relationship. You say, you come from a conservative family with two kids.I can see maybe if your deceased husband's brother wasn't married, I mean its bad enough that he's his brother but has married. That is the icing on the cake...I mean I have been through a family where affairs have gone on. And it's not fun especially for the kids. They get so many emotional issues because of it. And so man things are running through their mind you don't even know.

And parents don't seem to see that, it is going to destroy his family as well, just because two people want a healthy sexual relationship together, I bet there's nothing more to that, except sex. That's how most affairs go and that's sick, sorry to say but that is. I think its wrong, and I feel bad mostly for the kids. I understand you want physical needs as well, but what I think you both need to do is stop this here and now before its get way too far, where somebody ends up getting more hurt.

Its just two people being selfish wanting things only for themselves and not looking out for their family and see what its doing to them, and if you don't stop it now your going to regret in the long run, and hate it because your are not going to have anybody there by your side because there going to be so sick and disgusted of you and not want anything to do with you. I am just letting you know from personal experience what I lived through with cheating; my life will never be the same because of it. So I advise you to stop now.
Gillian Smith Profile
Gillian Smith answered
You need to stop this relationship straight away if your brother in law won't then you need to.
You have lost a husband you presumably loved so why would you want to put your brother in law's life through all the misery you've gone through. If she finds out she'll be devastated and it will be like a bereavement for her.

You are probably lonely and but this relationship is neither good, nor is it healthy. It's unfair, deceitful and dishonest . Your brother in law is probably taking full advantage of it all and if he was an honest man who had any respect for you and his wife he would never have entered into this.

This relationship has the potential to hurt the whole family and especially you and your sister in law.
You are free to go out and meet other people, your brother in law isn't. Perhaps you feel closer to your husband by being with him but think how distressed your husband would be by all this and think of what would happen to your children if they found out.

There's only one solution to this relationship - you must end it. It will destroy a family because of the selfish needs of two people who should have more sense than to embark on it in the first place.
Denise Uy Profile
Denise Uy answered
Look its simple: Try asking your brother-in-law who he wants to stay with in the future - with you or with his family. According to me, he'll stay with his family because he has children with his wife. Sooner or later he could realize that what he is doing is not good so he'll leave you. There is a higher chance of him staying with his family because if he loves you he could have left them and stayed with you. The reality is that he is trying to hide you: meaning you're just his second choice.

Both of you have children and both of you know what you're doing is not good so better end it before you destroy more lives. Try finding somebody who's single and be happy with him or spend more time with your children because you never know they might need your love too.

And it may be a big disgrace to the whole family. It would be all your fault, because you never took the time to think about what you're going to do.
ghazal gi Profile
ghazal gi answered
Well I will say you just a simple but very real truth that you must be not like,but I must say,that its great sin you are doing. There are lot of widows in the world who live there, live without sex and just spend there lives for there children. If you have that much hunger of sex then you must marry someone else, and live a healthy life. If in case your husband's brother's wife comes to know this and if your husband's parents are alive and they also come to know then they will not say anything to their son but will blame you and you will be thrown away from home and then you will not have any place in the home and not even in the society, and also not in the God home.
So you must involve yourself in your children and when you feel for this unlawful sex then you must do anything else which is much more tiring work that you don't think about this.
tina smith Profile
tina smith answered
I have been with my ex's  brother for over 8 year's now.. I have 2 daughters one from both and a son on the way..and that makes them brother/sister/cousin's...but that don't change the love that they have for one another...and never kids know of the situation..and understand. Which I am very grateful for.and actually all my family and friends too.AND I DON'T SEE IT AS INCEST..THAT IS JUST THE WRONG WORD TO maybe a little weird in some peoples eyes..but are you living your life for them? Or you?..I DON'T CARE ANYMORE..I GOT USE TO THE CHILDISH REMARKS..THEY NEED TO GROW UP..
      I don't disagree with you being with his brother...but I do disagree that you are with him..and he is married...that just blows the hole thing out of the water.cheating is not healthy..I understand being lonely can get the best of you.. Its either make him choose  or be the bigger person and leave DON'T LISTION TO PEOPLE TALKING TRASH ABOUT THE UNCLE/DAD  COUSIN/BROTHER situation...THATS JUST THEM BEING STUPID.....*GOD BLESS*!!!!.
Regina Warren Profile
Regina Warren answered
I am sorry for your loss. You are your own woman now, yes?

I know that loss creates a need for affection..and in particular if that affection was lacking in your you should know that you are free to find an appropriate partner, friend and confidant. I think you should stop seeing your Brother in law, and find some new friends. The Life you really want is yours for the taking if you believe...go for it. Respect yourself, respect your kids, know that you have a right to be happy......and find someone worthy of you.
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
Totally in love with brother in law and my husband has been gone 7 years. He has always been a beautiful person and who would my husband want raising his kids? I would think his family over joe shmo! I AGREE THAT PEOPLE WON'T ACCEPT IT but our spirits have no color or title. We are connected by something very strong and on the other side we won't be married anyway. My kids love Uncle and so do I!!
A. McCallister Profile
A. McCallister answered
Obviously you are not the conservative you thought you were. I am sorry for your loss. You didn't mention the ages of your children so I'm seeing them as younger. How awful for them to loose their father.

Listen, having needs while eplaying with fire will not play out very well in the end. Someone or someones are going to be very hurt.

Your Husband's brother!? Now I know these things happen sometime but they truely never work out.

I suggest you stop the relationship and start going out on your own or with some OTHER friend. I send you my blessings that you sleep well at night and someone very special comes into your life ...your not related to.
zahid shah Profile
zahid shah answered
The best solution is you should marry her.your kids will get father and you will get a life partner .

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