I Found Somewhat Intimate Photos Of My Wife And Her Ex In The House. What Is A Normal Reaction?


6 Answers

Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
My initial reaction may be of anger and jealousy, but it was from a previous relationship.  And it could be that they were just overlooked, or she was embarrassed of the pictures and just tried to hide them instead.  She probably didn't want to just throw them out because she would have no way to know for sure where they ended up at or who may see them, even in the trash.  If it was me, I'd take them to the shredder and just shred them--thereby both destroying them and in such a way that no one will ever see them again.  You don't even have to tell her you did it.  If she asks you what happened to them, you can just tell her that you shredded them.  If she gets mad at you for that, then you have justification to get mad back at her.
Michelle New Zealand Profile
I won't feel good about it and would like to know why she didn't get rid of it as agreed between the two of you.  It my mean nothing at all.  I think it is easier for men to forget about their past relationships then what it is for woman because woman are more emotionally involved, but I will tell her that you know about the photos and that you are not happy about it and that you would just like her to explain why she kept the photos and then ask her to get rid of it.  Maybe she already forgot that she still have the photos.  Maybe in the beginning she needed something to hold onto and the photos was it.
thanked the writer.
Anonymous commented
Her answer was as you mentioned in your response, she claims that she had forgotten they were even there and apologized for me having to have found them. She is a psychiatrist so she is very adept at flipping, or turning situations in such a way to where she never really has to take ownership or be accountable for things.
This is where I have become extremely frustrated. Her regular response when I confront her on something would be, " I am sorry that happened, I did not realize this or that was there, or that was not what I meant when I said that, although I am sorry you took it that way". So as you can see if she is unwilling to take responsibility for any if her actions, then I am left to work through it myself, and in effect, try to find a way to compromise within myself in order to move forward. If I could not do this I would be angry and resentful all the time.
Maybe now you can see my real dilemma! I find your response is informative though regarding the emotional side of a woman, Men really can't relate in those terms, or at least I can't because can put all of my past away and pretty much leave it there.

AJW Profile
AJW answered
I would be angry and want to know why she didn't go along with your agreement. Did she understand the agreement? Does she still carry a torch for the guy? But I would talk to her in a neutral location (like going for a walk) and explain how hurt you are.

BUT.... Were you snooping? Or did you find the photos by accident. If you are going through her stuff, do you really trust her in the first place?

thanked the writer.
Anonymous commented
The agreement was understood this I know for sure. As far as carrying a torch, of course that is a question I asked myself. I can only say she says she doesn't think about anyone from her past and she keeps it at that. My wife has never been one to explain how she might be feeling so this is why a situation such as this impacts myself with more intensity I would imagine.
I came across the disc with the photos by accident as it was in the case which contains her Music, Software etc, the photos I found I never told her about and I actually shredded them that very day. Thanks for you response.
AJW commented
In that case i would tell her what happened and that you are hurt by it. Remember- neutral setting!!
Moo C. Profile
Moo C. answered
Well if it were me I would have asked what are those pictures and then it would either result in a fight or we would in some way mimic those pictures to some extent
thanked the writer.
Anonymous commented
When you mean Mimic, I am not sure what that means? Some were of him, some were taken on a timer and they were posed cheek to cheek, kind of a kissing type of photo I guess. I don't know how mimicking that would do me much good.

Lynne Dwyer Profile
Lynne Dwyer answered
I would never expect my husband to throw away his past. Pictures can cause no harm, only fond memories. We each have have many pics of past loves. If you believe that a picture can change her feelings towards you, then you obviously have no trust or belief in her. Or. You must have absolute control, which will never work.

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