My 17 Year Old Daughter Wants To Come And Go As She Pleases, Coming In At All Hours Of The Night, Do I Still Have Any Control Over Her?


8 Answers

Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
Kids are mindless and want to explore every thing and life what you have already did. Whatever you shape their mind how you bring them up how you hold them in your control is very important so be friendly with them in such a way that they don't feel that they r following you. Mix a bit of their's and your thought together in such a way that you don't suffer and future for them so that keep them in limit love them and hold them hope you get what  trying to say get it yeah...
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
Yes, she's testing the waters.  Say no, and if that doesn't work then be prepared to call her bluff.  Make a decision about the consequences and see what happens.
All kids try you, regardless of their age.  You just have to call upon your higher self to find the right answer for you, your family, and your daughter.  One thing to NOT do, is to allow her to call the shots.  She is too young to have that much authority over her life.  She needs an adult in charge for a bit longer.  Good luck to you.
thanked the writer.
Maggie Amaya
Maggie Amaya commented
Another thing (re: consequences) is if she wants to act like an adult, treat her like an adult. If she wants to continue to live in your house, charge her rent; if she wants to eat your food that you cooked, charge her like they would at a restaurant. I know she's 17 and will be on her own soon, but that might be the dose of reality she needs. Just see how she'd feel if she had to contribute to the household expenses!
Ann Vossler Profile
Ann Vossler answered
The advice here is good.  I would definitely check with the state as to what  is "an adult" age.  Most time's it's 18. 
Winter Profile
Winter answered
Yeah, you have control over her. She has no say in what time she HAS to come in until she is 18, officially an adult. If she doesn't follow the rules then, let her be on her own. You have to lay down the law, and as a parent, you shouldn't let your kids do their own thing all the time. You should give them some freedom, maybe give her a curfew, like coming in at (insert time here). If she doesn't follow your rule, ground her. You still have a right to do that, after all, your house your rules. I understand your worry. You should get more involved, ask where she is going when she leaves. Make that a rule, she has to tell you where she is going and what time she will be back. If it is after the curfew, negotiate. Most teens don't lie about stuff so stupid , but if you are really worried, you can call (insert name of place her) to see if she is really there. Remember, you can lay down the law without being mean, loud, or harsh.
Lisa michalski Profile
Lisa michalski answered
You have all the say in the world but if you do not use this power now it will be of no use,you control everything,and that includes her,you pay the bills you set the rules and regulations she should follow,at seventeen she needs a dose of reality,do you not give her money?,do you not pay all the bills?do you not buy all her clothes?,do you not buy the food?you do all these things,what I told my own kids,as long as you live under MY roof you will abide by MY rules,or I can treat you like the adult you think you are,and take back all the things my money purchased,and you can get your own,charge you for my room that you are sleeping in,and for the food that you are eating,so at the end of the month I presented them with a bill for all the things that they had used and they just looked at me and asked what's this? And I said if you are going to treat my house as a hotel,here's your bills,and I expect to be payed by 5pm or you will be put out,,but after I did this I sat down with them and had a heart to heart talk about what I expected of them and about adult behaviour.
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
17 year old says she can do what she wants, tell her dad of, stays gone every night with her boyfriend.  His parents don't care they let her stay there all the time, she doesnt clean her room, she has giant breakdowns when you tell her what to do, shes evil what can I do
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
"Control" is not what you want. "Control" makes you a horrible parent. When the goal is to control, you will lose your control. If you try to force her too much, you may even lose your daughter.
What you want to do is protect your daughter. She is not mindless. She is not stupid. She is not even testing you. She is doing what she thinks is right. She is doing what she thinks is good for her because she has not lived long enough to know that there are consequences for everything.

What I suggest:
Let her stay out late but only all night on weekends and only up until your towns curfew on weekdays.
Make sure she is on birth control and tell her about the importance of condoms.
Tell her about people you know that have died of drug use, and....
Be a good role model by A. Curbing your time spent with friends B. Curbing any drug and alcohol use and C. Being more helpful around the house

I am a parent-child psychologist, so please pay close attention to my advice.
Your child is not stupid. She is not a robot. She is an adult. She's not legally an adult, but she is certainly physically matured. Give her space, give her time, and give her REASONABLE limits, and MAKE SURE TO COMPROMISE.
Sharon Profile
Sharon answered
Children get to play adults when they handle adult responsibilities.  You seem to have lost control of her so far. If you don't put your foot down, you will lose total control, and possibly your daughter. Tell her firmly what is what in your household and if she becomes violent, don't hesitate to notify law enforcement. In the end, that may save her life. They can legally check to make sure she is not using drugs. Laws differ in states, so check in your state and see what are the legalities concerning a disobedient child of her age.

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