Say you have a boyfriend/girlfriend who is a compulsive liar and you have a problem with it. Does it become your issue since your the one with the problem or is it the liars problem?


10 Answers

Virginia Lou Profile
Virginia Lou answered

Dear Dani DiMarco,

I remember researching the topic of compulsive lying some time ago...and as to whose problem, often the liar will not even feel that he or she has any problem.

So that does leave anyone who loves this person with choices to face, and here are some facts to consider:

I read once that there are actual changes in the brains of compulsive liars. Also, while compulsive lying is not in itself considered a mental disorder, it is often associated with an underlying psychiatric disorder or addiction, including as Didge has mentioned, low self-esteem. And unless a person wants to change, they will always choose their addiction over their loved ones. So if you choose to remain with the person, you should be prepared to take second place to the addiction.

* * *

This article was written by an addictions counselor; regretfully, the problem often does end up in your hands rather than the liar.

Jaimie  JT Profile
Jaimie JT answered

If you love the person with the  problem and chose to stay with him or her I guess it's your problem too then  ....  I'm really hungry .... I just realized its late evening and I haven't had anything but coffee in the morning and  two Bottles of water in the early evening :/ ..... I think we need to focus on my issues now then cos I love me.

Cookie Roma Profile
Cookie Roma answered

If someone is in fact a compulsive liar, that's their problem.  If you stay with a compulsive liar (given you could never trust them and without trust, you have nothing) that's your problem. 

Didge Doo Profile
Didge Doo answered

I don't waste much time on habitual liars but there are exceptions.

I know one lonely woman who tells a lot of lies but I understand the reason for them. Her sense of self-worth is low and she lies to feel good in her own eyes. We accept her friendship but believe nothing she says unless we know it to be true. (She's a bit like Wikipedia. It sounds good but it's not a source I'd bet my life on.)

Tom  Jackson Profile
Tom Jackson answered

I'd say this answers your question:

"Compulsive lying disorder is a complicated condition that requires a great deal of effort and determination on the sufferer to change their behaviors. Ultimately, it is entirely up to the person with the disorder as to whether or not they are able to regain their ability to tell the truth consistently.

Maintaining a relationship of any kind with a person suffering from compulsive lying syndrome can be complicated. In fact, relationships are almost certain to end without the involvement of a trained third party, such as a therapist."

PJ Stein Profile
PJ Stein answered

Well it wouldn't be my problem for long. If you can't trust the person you are in a relationship with, your relationship is doomed. Anyone who lies compulsively has something wrong with them. The person who "has an issue" with it is not the one with the problem,  unless they stay with the liar.

Bikergirl Anonymous Profile

Well, I would say it's a problem shared by both involved.  Them for being the liar .. And you for entering into a untrustworthy relationship.  There are consequences that will be experienced by you both .. You may not be able to control the person that is doing the lying ,, but, you can control the choices YOU make. The logical thing to do is to make better choices about who you spend your time with.

However .. there is an easy remedy .. Part company.  The problem will continue for the liar, but YOUR problem is solved.

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