Have you ever been lied to by someone close? How did you handle it?


9 Answers

Danae Hitch Profile
Danae Hitch answered

Yes, I have and my reaction depends on what the lie was and how it hurt me.

For example, years ago, when I was working in a start-up company, there was a new marketing person they brought in to help get the advertising going. Lots of energy, fun to be around. She and I had to work closely together, as in a start-up company, everyone just helps do everything just so everything gets done. My job was answering phones, typing for the executives, etc.

She and I made plans to go to lunch, but instead of being honest with me, she breaks our lunch date because she "had something come up", in the next breath, she asked someone else to lunch with her because she hated eating alone. And yes, she asked them while I was standing there.

It hurt for about five minutes until I realized that she was too superficial to even hide the fact that she really didn't want to go to lunch with me and couldn't even lie well. And it spoke volumes about her character that she asked someone else to lunch, in front of me, because she didn't want to eat alone. Who knows if that was even the truth? Don't know and don't care. I put a lot of energy into working with her because I cared about the company, not because she was a superficial idiot.

What's harder is when your spouse lies to you, especially about important things, like having an affair and then having a child as a result of the affair.

When you forgive someone for the lie that they told you, you are doing it for YOUR peace of mind, so YOU can set it aside. Lies can eat you up inside if you let them. So you can forgive the lie but be on your guard, as they lied to you once, they might do it again. Hope this helps.

Tom  Jackson Profile
Tom Jackson answered

You said "someone close."

My youngest son once lied to me about how an vehicle accident that he was in had happened.

I found out a few days later when he came to me and told me he had lied.

I felt sad, not really because he had lied, but because he had not felt comfortable enough to tell me the truth.

It turned out that he had lied because he thought I would have been disappointed in him for having the accident, and he was sufficiently mad at himself for screwing up that he couldn't handle the pain of disappointing me as well---it was overwhelming for him.

After he had at least partially forgiven himself, he then could handle the fact that he had disappointed me---so then he dealt with that issue as well.

There is a phrase: "behavior is over-determined."

That simply means that we frequently have multiple and often conflicting reasons for "lying" that are not motivated by "evil" intent.

Bottom line---talk to this person.  Let them know that you prefer to know the truth in the future.  And let them know that if they continue to lie, you will not be inclined to listen to anything they say as times goes on.

Twallgirl Wallace Profile

Yes, I believe we all have.We have to always consider the personal and how well we know them. Why did they feel like they had to lie to you. Try not to be so hard on your friend, he is still your friend. Remember that none of us are perfect, we all have short comings

Nice Girl Profile
Nice Girl answered

Yes, my best friend lied to me many times! Once what happened was that it was lunch break and our third friend had just gone in the computer lab to submit her notebook then my bf told me to tell our third friend to not to stay with us when she comes out! I didn't do that! 

After that and before I used to hear from our third fried that my bf was telling her that I didn't like them, whereas I did and she was lying to her about me!

One day I had enough of it then in the games period I made both of them sit together and told them what my third friend had told me and told my third friend that my bf had told me to tell her not to come with us, my best friend denies all of it we both said , she said " I didn't say it " she said " you don't trust me" , how could I trust her when i had caught her red handed! 

She lied , I really got hurt because whenever we had a break up she used to say bad things about me behind my back but I never is it, I always took her to be my friend, so after this we both knew she was lying, well at least I did, after that I had made up friends with her again BUT with the promise made to myself that if she hurts me one more time, I will leave her forever. 

The time we made up was out 3rd time we were doing that and according to the promise I made to myself and keeping my will I left her, ( this contains another story for why) and now I'm not friends with any of them, well I just stopped talking to them, I didn't make them my enemy, but my best friend did make me her enemy.

PJ Stein Profile
PJ Stein answered

I had an ex-boyfriend lie to me. Notice how I call him and "ex-boyfriend"? I have had a family member lie to me about borrowing and paying money back. I no longer lend money to that person.

Linilla Schmidt Profile
Linilla Schmidt answered

From a big family, I've been lied to by an older sister but mainly concerning unimportant things like passing off jewelry that was not our mother's as having been Mom's, etc. Or her coaxing me to trade something less valuable and didn't want any longer for something I had that she coveted (turns out to be valuable now). 
She is not aware that I can see through her and always have.  After our mother died she expressed to others -- while I was not present -  that I ought to inherit less. I was told to stay away by her adult daughter on the day that some of our late Mom's personal effects were doled out & for some reason I didn't want to open a can of worms and stayed away.  That was how I dealt with her, just laid low. Later my sis decided that there were some of Mom's things she didn't want after all, so she gave them to me.

We live far away from one another- but when I am finally with her, we enjoy each other-    but I don't deep down trust her.
It's funny but I sense we feel more bonded than some of the other sibs.

One big help is that through the years I have come to see that if I had been in her stead, as the older sister,  I might have behaved the same way.
Also by having three daughters myself I learned to identify with the firstborn and started seeing situations from their point of view. Valuable is the insight we gain if we can just see it.

otis otiscambell Profile

My wife had a affair with a cop what a joke I went to the cop shop and told his boss he can take over payments. Glad I got rid of that trash. Then all my sisters lie whats new

Dakota  Mackenzie Profile

Yes, I have. I plotted my revenge >:)

I'm just joking... It hurts being lied to by someone close. I can usually tell if someone is lying to me, so I catch them in it.

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Try Again
Try Again commented
It is hard to lie to someone trust you so much. but sometimes you have too.splashily if he/she defend you for your lies cause he/she trust you. I feel so bad now :(

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