I seem like a happy guy but I've actually been pondering suicide lately.. I'm not sure what to do.. I tried to trick myself into being happy ;/ Told myself I was but truth is, I'm not?

I'll start with suicide is never a good answer. Remember this saying, "This too shall pass." Right now it may seem dark, but, there is alot of time ahead of you. It took me several years to figure out where my unhappiness and depression stemmed from. It came from a lack of self-confidence and fearing that I could never live up to the standards of other people because I have the need to be liked by everyone. I finally had enough and gave up. I made a choice and decided that other people don't get to dictate my life. I became my own person. I lost several friends but I gained more mentally mature friends. Today, I'm doing better and more confident. 

Forgive me if this was boring but my point was that there is always hope. You're here for a reason. Stick around and I bet that you'll love that reason when you discover it. Best of luck to you, my friend.