How long should I wait to initiate contact with my ex?


2 Answers

RICK MATA answered

Ive heard of people doing 30 days of NC no matter what but that just seems more for you to get over your ex than to help rebuild your relationship. Giving her space sucks but in the end(without or without her) ill be ok.

My ex told me I lost her trust and she did not want to fall in love with me. Needless to say I was hurt but her body language showed me im scared you are going to hurt me.(and no im not reaching for something)

The next morning she tells me to please leave her alone and says we can be friends soon. So obviously she needs space to deal with her feelings.

So how long do I wait before I text hello and what can I do to regain trust?

How long should i wait to initiate contact with my ex? If she happens to initiate I know that is different. I just truly want friendship from her because she is important to me but maybe we might have something in the future but definitely not now.

P.s. The trust thing was not me cheating just one night of not being there. Big miscommunication we had since that day our relationship hasn't been the same. Let me add that we have not been together since that night. Just been talking and trying to work things out. I know i have feelings for but at times im truly on the fence.

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Yo Kass answered

I really don't think there's a set amount of time before its 'safe' to contact an ex - instead it will probably come down to your relationship, and how well you know her and are able to read her.

What you say and how you say it maybe be far more important than when you say it - at least that's what I believe.

Sure, she may need some time to cool down and think things through, but the thing with powerful emotions is that they can come flooding back if triggered, no matter how much time passes.

For example, let's say you left it a whole year. All it would take is one reminder of what caused problems between you in the first place, one argument and she could be ready to storm out again shouting things like "I knew you'd never change".

Getting back in touch with an ex

When working out a "cooling off period", it's important to remember what it is you want to achieve.

  • Are you trying to rekindle the relationship?
  • Do you just want to be friends again?
It sounds to me like you're not sure which one of the two to focus on.
Also, what do you think she really wants?
If she's looking for a way out, then maybe being persistent will frustrate her.
But sometimes, women actually want a guy to fight for them and show them how much they mean.
If you back off too readily thinking she might just need space, you might end up getting hit with the curve ball of "you're not even going to stop me from leaving?" or "you obviously don't care enough to fight for me".

Ultimately, you're the only one that's going to know how to approach this situation, but my advice would be to come up with a gameplan, a strategy.

Are you going to for a big romantic gesture? If so, you may want to act quickly, show her you're not giving up that easily and you still have strong feelings.

Or are you going to show her what she's missing out on by trying to make her jealous and having a great time in front of her? (could work if managed correctly)

Or are you going to play the long game and try to be friends, spend more and more time just 'hanging out'  before pouncing when the time is right?

Personally, I think all three could work - but the trick is forgetting about how you'd like things to go, and focus on what she's more likely to 'fall for'.

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