Why does my mom treat me like dirt every time I accomplish something or grow older? Every birthday she treats me like trash and I just registered for college to get my degree in psychology and she's not proud of me at all.

12

12 Answers

Ray Dart Profile
Ray Dart answered

I feel for you too.

I was a lazy underachiever at School, but it did not stop my parents giving me all the encouragement they could.

When I somehow (accidently probably) made a success of my life later, no-one could have been more proud of me.

Be your own person and rise above it. And in the future,who knows?

Tom  Jackson Profile
Tom Jackson answered

Fact:ย  Not every parent has the skills, knowledge, or understanding of the importance of their rolls to do a good job and support their children in appropriate ways.

And, yes, I can agree from experience that what your mother is doing just plain sucks!

You are worth more than that.ย  She shouldn't be doing that.ย  And you definitely have a right to be angry with her for doing that.

Make sure you have healed from the pain she is causing you before you start to forgive her for what she is doing.

Otherwise, the effects on you may last much longer than they should.

mary adam Profile
mary adam answered

Maybe she is jealous of your success, and it reminds her of things she would of liked to have accomplished. Of course none of this is your fault, they are her issues.ย  My brother felt the same thing from my father, as if he was always in competition and that he acted proud regarding my brothers success whilst in company.ย but sulked in the privacy of home. It's childish but some parents never grow up and you have to deal with their regrets and moods, until you move out. Your relationship will probably change once you have your own place.

Jaimie  JT Profile
Jaimie JT answered

Edit : I don't wanna answer this cos it makes me sad. But you don't need to have your moms ย approval .. Everyone wants an awesome mom ,, but sometimes we don't get that .. That's okay.ย 

otis campbell Profile
otis campbell answered

my mother and father both put me down. I paid for my own college worked during the day and went to college at nite. My father shut up when he seen how much money i was making. So you go girl

Megan goodgirl Profile
Megan goodgirl answered

She doesn't see the good in you. Of how good you do things and your successful in many things. Some parents are like that. But you are something so it will be okay.

Rath Keale Profile
Rath Keale answered

Lots of people become parents by accident or out of such romantic immaturity that they don't go through the social processes to become good parents.ย  Figure out how old your parents were when they had their first baby. That might give you some insight.ย 

Sometimes parents become tired of the responsibilities associated with raising children.ย  Look at your mother's level of education and compare it to what you are about to achieve.ย  I'll bet your mom is angry and uncomfortable about the fact that you will soon be more educated and more successful than she was.ย 

You are in a position to be more compassionate to her because you have more choices that will help you have a better life.ย  This is how to do it: Pick two other adults who value education to tell about your achievements.ย  Gush, brag, celebrate with them.ย  Tell your mother nothing more than basicsย  examples: School begins on Sept. __ ;ย  I need a buss pass;ย  I have a part time job at ______ over Christmas;ย  etc.ย  This strategy will calm things down and still give you recognition for achievements.ย 

Your mother is suffering a great, private thing that you don't know about.ย  She is not a devoted parent and that will likely not change, so focus on harmony and kindness.ย  Some day you will know more about her and will be pleased that you were kind when things were awful.

5 People thanked the writer.
Dance like a gypsy
She was 26 and my parents were married when I was born. They divorced when I was 15 and even before she was like that,
Jann Nikka
Jann Nikka commented
๐ŸŒŸ๐ŸŒŸ๐ŸŒŸ๐ŸŒŸ๐ŸŒŸ๐ŸŒŸ๐ŸŒŸ๐ŸŒŸ๐ŸŒŸ
Rath Keale
Rath Keale commented
Thanks Jan. Gypsy, your mother doesn't have parenting skills and won't be improving as a mother anytime soon. Invest your emotions in other people instead. Grandparents, aunts, uncles, friends' parents, etc. Make plans to leave home as soon as possible. Divest (the opposit of invest) in the mother/daughter relationship, but keep things civil. One day you will be gone, and on to a much better life.
PJ Stein Profile
PJ Stein answered

I am so sorry you are facing and feeling this. Sometimes people aren't capable of being good parents. It is not your fault. Also sometimes parents are afraid of ending up alone, and by discouraging their kids they hold them back so you won't leave. Sometimes it works, and sometimes it drives the kids further away.

Do what you need to do to make your life your own. Your mother is not happy with her life, and there is nothing you are going to do to change that. But you can make your life happy.

Barb Cala Profile
Barb Cala answered

You need to talk to her about this.ย  We have no idea why she treats you that way .. Or if you're just overly sensitive about how she treats you.ย  But if you're an adult, you might have to learn to live without your Mom's approval.ย  It's sad, but you owe it to yourself to be able to function without it.ย 

Retiredkop Retiredkop Profile

I can understand your situation because I grew up in a like environment.ย  I was the first in my family to graduate from high school, my mother gave me ten bucks an told me I can now get a job digging ditches because that was the only thing I was qualified to do as my life's work.ย  I was told two things every day as far back as I can remember. 1. I was stupid and would never amount to anything!ย  2. She was sorry I was ever born, and sorry her attempt at self abortion didn't work!ย  To even out the verbal abuse she made sure I was beaten with anything handy, light cords, sticks, belts and the like.ย  At 16 she knocked be out with a 12" cast iron skillet to the face.ย  I could go one with stories forever but why waste your time.ย 

The abuse made me made mad enough to prove her wrong!ย  At 21 I bought a motel and cottage complex on Lake Huron in Michigan.ย  Two years later I paid it off in full.ย  A year later I sold it and bought a trucking company.ย  Sold it 5 years later and went into law enforcement, retiring 35 years later as a Colonal.ย 

My point, you can turn a crappy lifestyle into something great!ย  BUT, your the one that has to do it!ย  So your parents don't applaud your accomplishments, too bad!ย  Other people see that you are doing great things, you need to see it yourself as well!ย  If your waiting for others to gush praise on you, it will be waiting a long time.ย  I was the first cop in Southern Colorado to be awarded the Medal of Valor.ย  Was on television and everything, two days later, no one knew me.ย  I learned that I have to recognize my own accomplishments.ย  Time to think to yourself "I did that, now what else can I do to!"ย  Pat yourself on the back once in a while and go on.ย  Try to maintain a positive attitude for yourself, look for other like minded people, negative people will just bring you down to their level.ย  Give it a try, you will be surprised at the results!

Twallgirl Wallace Profile

I am so sorry. I know this is not easy to deal with because our parents should be the ones encouraging us to do great things, be productive members of society and most of all our role models of how to treat others. I found an explanation for this in my study of the bible at 2Timothy 3:1-5. It talks aboutย  critical times hard to deal with. It goes on to talk about prevalent personality traits that people will exhibit, one of them being "no natural affection". I think this fits your circumstance. Try to talk honestly with your mom about how you feel and try to keep an open dialogue.

Answer Question

Anonymous