Anonymous

My boyfriend just told me he is going to sleep with a hooker? I'm very hurt. I am 22yrs and he is now 54. We have been together for over 2 years. He is a sober alcoholic and addict of 14yrs, retired, and had a problem with escorts. I am a educated young girl who is a stylist who loves this man to death despite of his looks and age. It's been rough but he has seen escorts ever since he was young. I never had trouble finding a mate in bed so I never related to him on that aspect. It hurt me the time he said he was 'curious' going on escort websites. There were two incendents where he actually slept with them when we were having our downpoints in our relationship. Everytime we separate or have a break is because of the topic of escorts. I need help and opinions. We don't want to lose eachother. We have grown so much. For our upcoming 3rd year together we promised that if we are having a rough time with eachother doesn't mean we can just go sleep with someone else. I have always wanted that. I just can't believe he would do that to me when he slept with escorts knowing me. I am a very attractive girl. Some see us together and the first thought they have in mind is that I am using him for money because I am young with a skinny body and large around the chest and bum with a pretty face. I am in love with the person he is. I don't care about money or his toys! He doesn't look good for his age but doesn't mean he doesn't have a big heart. 

We had a fight tonight. We saw a video clip of a documentary of a man who have rape many women who worked in the army and met many power people in the world. I told him I don't want to watch the whole thing because as a child, many older man have taken advantage of me. He said we don't need to. I said that man in the clip is sick and others who are like him. My bf complimented that they should just go to strip clubs and fuck. My response made him mad, I said: men who do that are sick and can't get a normal girl in bed. He thought I was saying he was sick himself. All of the sudden he blurts out about how many guys I've been in bed with. And then I spoke about the hookers he been in contact with since he known me. 

He tried telling me to leave his house. I always have a panic attack when he does that after we have a fight about hookers. I kept telling him that I didn't see him like the sick man we saw in the clip. I forgave him for what he has done in the past. He forgave me for what I have done in the past: dating (dinner, lunch, hikes, walks, music) and sleeping with one man. I did that when I had a feeling he called a hooker after he took away our leased car that I used everyday for work. We live separate because of his OCD which he is diagnosed. 

It took us very long to forgive our actions. We still forgive but it hurts both of us if thought or spoken. We can't leave eachother because we have had three family memebers due recently, we lost 16lbs together, all our friends and town always sees us together every day holding hands. It hurt when we argued. This is one thing that sparked me the most is when he said: I'm going to sleep with hookers!' I replied: go ahead!!!! I don't care! You never wanted a real beautiful girlfriend who is always there when you have nothing or no one. You just use me. Your going to die alone and rely on escorts who sleep with fat people like you who die with diabetes.'

I apologized but felt so bad about what I said out of anger. He has told me a few times afterwards he doesn't want to sleep with hookers. Crazy thing is, we met up for breakfast today, weighed ourselves and both lost 6lbs combined together, I took him out for a $400 Japanese dinner, went to his place to shower and had sex for 5min and let him cum, and watch the documentary and BAMMM! The clip and comments came. I thought I was being the best gf ever. I have been the first person he has been with the longest, first to be engaged with, first who he helped get a lease for me, first to buy her a car, etc. this is someone in his 50s never married and no kids. I think we both know down the road with no rush we will be together no matter what. 

How can I over come his statement or him and escorts? I offer Sex every day. I live 10min away from him. I am ready to bounce in my car for him any time. This is a small problem. Who to women know there man is not interest with escorts anymore? 

10 Answers

Yin And Yang Profile
Yin And Yang answered

You sound very young emotionally and mentally. ESPECIALLY with you stating an older man took advantage of you once.... You need to say twice. This old man is clearly using you for what ever jollies he is after at the moment whether it be weight loss, sex or control. You are worth FAR MORE then this pervert is able to give you. You need to leave this pedophile and quick before you catch a disease. You really need some counciling. I hope you see what we are trying to tell you. He does NOT love you. He loves HIMSELF!

Darik Majoren Profile
Darik Majoren answered

So this whole story is fraught with alarms, warnings . . . Flashing red lights . . Literally EVERYTHING that would tell a normal person to throw in the towel.

He has an Obsessive Addictive behavior . . . Whether it be drugs, alcohol, or sex . . . These are all unhealthy addictions in excess . . . It sounds like he is compensating for many things missing from his life. Most likely inherited genetics for addiction and his parents didn't equip him with very good coping skills growing up. He's cheated on you TWICE in two years . . . Time to get out of this "doomed" relationship. 

You sounds as if you have issues as well . . . Your 22 years old . . How do you envision your life with a man over 30 years your senior . . . You are from two different generations, and his health will start seriously declining over the next 2 decades . . . I think you are an addict as well. You are addicted to the drama of the relationships you are in, and the reactions you get . . . You absolutely need to talk to a specialist right after you break up with this wreck of a man . . . But you won't do any of this because of YOUR addiction and poor coping skills. 

Keep feeding your unhealthy addictions . . . Oh and clean up the language. You can tell your story without making obvious choices in phrases and words to BOOST your addiction to drama . . .  Unfortunately, this thread will most likely give you a thrill and not the "Kick in the Pants" you need.

PJ Stein Profile
PJ Stein answered

My best suggestion is you both seek counseling, together and separately. If he won't go, then you go.

Tom  Jackson Profile
Tom Jackson answered

This situation and all its ancillary issues is one of those things that cannot be successfully resolved without professional help.

I'm sorry for the necessity of posting such an inconvenient truth.

carlos Striker Profile
carlos Striker answered

You have father figure fixation. Get rid of it and move around people of your age.

Cheese And Crackers Profile

I feel like this old Sugar Daddy just wanted you for sex. I'm sure you deserve better. So go find yourself another man who will love you more than anything in the world. You DEFINITELY deserve it.

Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered

Hi anonymous,

I would strongly recommend that you seek counselling services to address these questions and issues that are worrying you. You deserve to be in a relationship that is based on mutual and equal love and respect. You deserve to love yourself wholeheartedly and be HAPPY - even if that means being alone to give yourself time to decide what is best for you. I am so sorry to hear that you were taken advantage of when you were younger. Please consider taking time out for yourself to heal, get to truly know yourself and make the decisions that are best for you. Wish you all the best.

Norma Fletcher Profile
Norma Fletcher answered

I would like to thank you for the way you handled this delicate situation between my husband and myself. You treated me with an understanding and kindness which I did not expect when I was at my lowest point. You didn't appear to mind my mindless chatter and always provided me with support and advice. I cannot thank you enough for finding out the truth of the situation so that I can now rebuild my life without the constant stress and suspicion. Should anyone feel they are being cheated on I would certainly recommend you and the excellent service you provided. I did not deserve to be humiliated or disrespected by my husband like this and I would urge anyone to find out the truth even if it hurts deeply.

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