I'm Dating A Married Man And Before You Say I Shouldn't Let Me Just Say, I Already Know. I Have Tried Umpteen Times To Break It Off And, Of Course, I Rightfully Get No Sympathy From Friends. There Are A Number Of Reasons Why It's A Hopeless Situation. Firstly It's Not Very Satisfying For Me. I Am Always Second Best, Waiting Around For Crumbs. Then There's All The Guilt. I Have No Illusion That The Guy Will Leave His Wife As I Know He Loves Her And I'm Just His 'Bit On The Side' So I Feel I'm Wasting My Time When I Could Be Meeting Someone For Myself. For All This I Find I Can't Actually Bring Myself To Make The Break. What's Wrong With Me?

To all of those who started preaching God this, God that! Please! Is judging this woman God-like? No! Leave her alone! This is a crummy situation to be in, and unfortunately only time will tell. I feel for her, and understand what she is going through. We love who we love. Believe me, it is easier said than done. She is not going to go to hell for being human. She likes a married man! Wow, that's a first! Believe me, it's not, and you know she will not be the last to be involved in this triangle. She will know when to let go if that day indeed comes. The man may actually leave his wife. We are not pinned to the ones we choose to marry. Marriage is just a piece of paper and is not written in stone. People divorce everyday. There have been those who had affairs and found the love of their lives through the other person. Let her be. She will figure this out on her own. She is not really asking for advice, she is venting. She knows the seriousness of this situation and will deal with the consequences. Loving or caring for a married man is not wrong. We are human, and this happens everyday. We know it is not something we should look forward to doing, but it does happen anyway. I know! She will reach a decision on her own! We all do!

There is nothing wrong with you, or at least "wrong" is the wrong word... what you should be asking yourself is does it work for you?

How do you see the relationship playing out?

For, example, this relationship advice by expert Dr. Sue Johnson pretty much explains how a woman in your situation must be feeling - and what she must do, Look up her book for info.

Okay girl, I am about to take some heat off of you when all these "holier-than-thous" get a load of what I'm tossing their way. I am a married woman who for quite some time has been seeing a married man. I am not looking to break up anyone's home, marriage, or family. We are very discreet, and we are very real about what this is and where it is going. What this is: We make each other feel good. We give each other (when we can) something to smile and daydream about. I fill a void in his life that his otherwise satisfying marriage and family does not. He does the same for me. We are extremely compatible sexually as well as emotionally. We have many of the same interests, and can talk for hours on just about any subject. Sometimes when he is with his wife and family, I feel lonely (and maybe a little jealous) for him, and he has told me that he feels the same way for me sometimes. But we do not pretend that one day we will be together. Get that. I love him, I love the way I feel when I am with him and the anticipation of being with him. He feels the same. But we don't confuse the love that we have for the kind of love you build a life around. It is a different kind of love, unlike the love I have felt in any other relationship, including my marriage. Here's the kicker. I love my husband too. I would not hurt him, have no intention of leaving him, and I don't feel that my relationship with my married man does anything to detract from my marriage sexually or emotionally. Some people just need more than one person in their life. I am like that, my married man is like that.
Where this is going: This makes us happy and that is enough. Should the time come when it is not enough for one or both of us, then we trust each other to be honest and open about our feelings, and we will deal with it. Neither of us have illusions of leaving our families and spouses, neither offers the other that false hope.
I guess I am saying that (as contradictory as it sounds) it is all about being honest with each other. Stop apologizing for loving your married man. Be honest about what it is and what you want, and don't worry about what other people think. Life is short, be happy.

I have been in the same situation. Its really difficult when you know the truth...i.e. He loves his wife, he will never leave her, you are his bit on the side. It makes you feel worthless and breaks your self esteem and confidence. This in turns then makes you feel powerless which then stops you from breaking it off because you believe you need him and can't live without him. I gave mine an ultimatum in my darkest hour, when I could no longer take the pain. Leave her or its over. I knew what the answer would be, and for weeks I thought my world had crashed. But things got better and I kept myself busy with hobbies and even find new ones. Soon the pain started healing. You deserve to be happy with a man of your own. It wont be easy to leave if you decide to do it, but you could make finding happiness the reason for doing it, and then it all has real meaning. Good luck.

I understand what you are going through. I am in the same boat.  I met my married man 4 months ago. I am confused and this is how I found this blog to seek advise from others in the situation.

I think that people may get married to wrong person just because at that point in time they thought that was a good choice and also people change as the year go by.  Later they may find their true love and soul mate. So...the question is how long does the man need to make his mind up?

It is absolutely wrong to carry on with a relationship like this.  It makes me feel like I am not good enough. He claims to be crazy in love with me, just like your man, but the fact that he doesn't think about getting a divorce says just the opposite.

If I give him an ultimatum, even if he chooses me I won't be happy.  It would feel like I made do it.  I deserve to be number one, the one that he owes explanations too. He makes me feel like a princess when he is with me but when I start to think I feel like an IDIOT!

I don,t know what to tell you, but I am just about to end my affair!

It took courage to come on here and share your life with strangers. And you don't need someone else to criticize you. You know, we all need to be loved and how he is loving you is satisfying a need that you have. That is why you are essentially having a hard time breaking it off. It is so hard to see beyond where we are that we hold onto what we have thinking we better do that or we may never have anything at all.

There are other opportunities to be loved, and you are worth loving. I think you already know the answer, but it is very difficult for you. It's OK. I have faith that you ultimately will do the right thing. Take care.

You have to believe me, I'm a wife. When a man marries a woman he is married for a reason... The man is a great man, on the INSIDE and on the outside. And hes so  great that he convinced  the woman (love of his life) to marry him,. So how can he not convince you that hes into you?married men are gifted, they know how to steal a womans heart. That is why they are able to deceive women like you into believing you are in love. What he gives you is what he gives to his wife, except 10 times greater and constantly all day everyday. He has spent (insert # of yrs hes married) years with his wife building a HOME together, and they were prolly dating for a LONG time before they were married... So let me break it down for yabottom lines: 1) married men are married for a reason, they are great lovers, romantic and know how to convince a girl that she is the one, know how to steal hearts and show a LOT of affection/emotion. They are beautiful on the inside and know how to treat a girl.2) the life he built with his wife COMES FIRST. No matter what. The man has gone to a great deal to court, pleasure and build a beautiful life with his #1 love, his wife. Why is he still with her? Its not bad at home, no the sex is not being deprived, he's simply out to experiment... To spread his seed. He still loves his wife and cherishes everything in the home. Thats where he's going tonight, who' is he giong to sleep next to? You guessed it...his wifey.3) you ... Poor you... I am not trying to be judgemental but I'm sorry. You need to really think before you go after a married man. And just consider why he is married. No his wifey is not horrible and mean... Why would he marry such a woman in the first place? Hes lying to you so you can believe it and dish out the liquid sunshine (between your legs) and he can go his merry way...back home.I really DO wish you the best of luck...and should also mention 1 last LIIIIITTTLLLE detail... Less than 1% of married women actually leave the wifey for the mistress... Sorry to say. If I had to bet...I'm betting for the 99% who cum, then come to their senses and go home. best of luck... Only dishin the truth cause I feel love for you. If I told you the lies then I'd only be feeding you false hope that would lead you to more pain... One day you'll see it and feel better and find a guy that will come home to you :) and call you his wifey.

No one can make a person leave another. And all you married women out there wanting to burn this person alive, you're just spitting out your self-righteous judgments because of your own insecurities. I wish the wife of my MM would think of stepping my way, she would seriously have a huge problem! She is not married to me but her husband. And if you have a problem with your cheating husband, stop calling the other woman with all your heart ache talk to your husband. After all, he's the one you're married to not the other woman. All you Christians dishing out biblically-correct criticisms start with your own sin of judging others. This may come across as moral relativism, but I'm not advocating that this situation is right or wrong, what I do claim is that to each his own journey. This woman needs compassion and love, not judgments and threats of self-destruction. We all self-destruct by one way or another, its part of this journey we call life. This is how we grow and learn. Drchar, whatever your situation you know your heart. And no one knows what's going on between you and your MM but you and him. I've learned this the hard way, but you need to stop listening to others' opinion about your life and go with your heart. Because usually when you get the advice of others in a situation like this, you set yourself up to listening to a bunch of judgmental, self-righteous, holier-than-thou BS. There are many responses of those whose situation didn't work in their favor, they're just trying to save you from getting hurt, that's understandable. But Drchar, I also have some news for you and all those individuals who tell you men never leave their wives. Do you know why the divorce rate in America is between 50-60%, because sometimes they do, and sometimes the wives leave them. I've been on both ends of the spectrum having been married and cheated on and now having been involved with a MM. (And before someone comments, "how can you be involved with a MM if you were married and cheated on?" the answer to that question is because s*** happens). If you think you are too involved step back and allow some space. Get rid of the guilt we have all fallen short of the grace of God. Get rid of the justifications, making excuses about the situation is inauthentic. Get real with yourself and in touch with your own feelings, love yourself, allow space so you can make a rational decision, then choose what you want to do. But by all means, don't ever take the advice of anyone who justifies judging someone by using religion or evil threats of self-destruction.

Nothing's wrong with you darling. It sounds like you are in need of love, you have little support and to settle for crumbs is better than nothing at all. This is part of your journey. You will work it out and know what to do in time. He is fulfilling a need at the moment so just go with it, learn from this experience. I do not judge you for I am also with a mm of 4years. He has been brought into your life for a reason. Enjoy the crumbs for now and time will bring you the right answer. No body knows your full situation. I can fully understand why you can't make the break. Try to not let the guilt get to you. It's ok to be here at this time of your life. You need it for now. It will make you so much more of an understanding person and one day someone will need the comfort you can give them as a result of your current experience. It's all good. Go with the flow and be patient.

I'm also in love with a married man, we have been involved for 3 1/2 years, about a 1 1/2 year into the relationship I became pregnant but chose to have an abortion because I had 2 children from a previous marriage, this hurt him really badly because he was unable to have children with his wife and he cried a lot because his dream was to be a father but I couldn't ask him to leave his wife for me just because I was pregnant, I had gotten married because I had gotten pregnant and I knew what kind ot strain that puts in a relationship. He tell me everything that's going on with wife I'm his best friend and lover. I know that every married man say that they don't love their wives but I know for a fact with him this is true but for him to leave his wife would mean to lose everything he worked for in his life and I couldn't ask that of him, as for me my kids keep me busy enough so I don't need a regular relationship I simply don't have the time for it, so I am happy like this with my married man. For those who are going to criticise me don't bother I knew what I getting myself into and I made that decision.

I just got out of a 6 month relationship with a married man and girl, let me tell you...break it off now before you develop more feelings.  I never ever thought I would be one of those women who has an affair with a married man but it just happened.  He chased me around, said and did the right things and I fell for it.  It was the most emotional relationship I have ever been in; I had moments of absolute happiness and in the same day it could turn to absolute sadness.  Waiting around for him to call, being alone on holidays and basically being at his beck and call.  I literally ran when he called and that is not me at all.  Yes, I feel guilty that I even got involved but it happened and there is no going back.  I work with him and I can't even look at him.  We went from being in love to nothing at all.  When I was with him, I read all of the horror storied when dating someone married and I ignored them all and now I believe every word they said.

Would you really be happy to just be someone's 'bit on the side'? You need to decide why you are involved with this man in the first place, whether it is something about him that you like, or the fact that you find being involved with a married man giving you some psychological satisfaction. If it is something about him, then you can just as easily find another person with those qualities, but are not involved in a relationship. If it is being involved with a married man, then you are aready aware of the possible consequences, and you just need to decide if you want to be in control and break this up before it gets any further, or wait until something eventually uncovers the truth. Either way, you'll have to endure some serious emotional rollercoaster, but it is probably better to be in control rather than letting things slide.

If he really loved you, he would leave his wife. You are being played and you are wasting your life waiting for this man. Maybe you don't really want a healthy relationship with a man. By the way, you have no right to do what you are doing. He on the other hand, has both worlds and the women in his life are the fools.

You shouldnt date a married man! What if the other woman is crazy and kills you in your sleep

This is very natural that our heart craves for someone without bothering the consequences. We love the next person and just love and nothing else, our feelings never give us space to think about the other aspects of the relation. You are in a very critical situation, but the good part of your feelings and relation is that you know that the other person loves his wife and will never leave her then why are you mortifying your sacred love? You no doubt truly love him, but does he love you in the same manner. Love is the blessing and sometime we must have to sacrifice our feelings and even our own self. This is very hard to leave the person you love but try to do it for the survival of that man, his wife, kids and in fact your own self.

If he does not love her wife or her wife also has some sort of disputes with him then the situation is different, but not now. Now he is the man of his wife not of yours (as you also know that). You might be having some very good man waiting for your pure love. Put aside your entire consecrated feelings for him. If you try to avoid that man just for the sake of his wife and kids then you will see that with the passage of time you will be settled happily.

Nothing is wrong with you I have been dating a married man for 6 months and fell head over heals in love with him and what he did for me.  He lives in another state and we talked everyday all day and saw each other every other week.  We broke up yesterday and I feel like I lost my best friend.  His wife was depressed and mistreating their two children because her husband wasn't there in the physical/mental.  I felt horrible and let it go because I felt god wouldn't bless him neither me.  I have rejected all his calls today and I am going crazy, however I know it's right and I want my own husband one day.  The pressure of picking up the phone is killing me but I plan on staying focused and not being his distraction anymore.  I love me and want happiness one day.  I know how you feel and I had no support from my friends either.  I pray to god all the time,  I just feel as though I just needed to feel that emptiness at the time being.  I truly hurt and get lonely but I must move on and I will- your in my prayers and keep me in yours.  Happiness will find you.

I utterly understand, and have been in a similar position, until very recently. You are not looking for these people's opinions, as you are already quite clear in the fact that you don't agree with this situation moralistically. You are already aware of the harm this would cause to a wife who doesn't deserve it. The difficulty is to separate your emotional, heart-driven path, with someone you have a wonderful relationship with, from that or your longterm well being, which requires you to be more hard, and selfish in a different more long-term positive way. This is almost like advising myself.

 I have to agree with the answers you've gotten already, and add that many women find themselves in the same position as you, and by the time they realize that things are never going to change, it's been 10 years, and they've missed out on the prime of their youth.
The fact that you have noticed this already, says some wonderful things about you, and shows that you are far smarter than he has been giving you credit for. The fact that you actually posted a question here, shows that you already know the answer, and just want some assurance that it's the right thing to do.
Well, between the people who have cared enough to answer already, and myself, you've got the support: It's time to break it off (no ultimatums "Leave her now or else it's over", no chance for 'making it better'), and move on with your life. Enjoy your youth, and find someone that has been looking for a wonderful woman to share his life with and build your own life with.
After all, even if he DOES leave his wife, remember that they will always cast a shadow across your life. He will have to pay child support, unless he's a total jerk, he'll be visiting with the kids when he can... And in the end YOU will have contributed to the kids having to deal with their father leaving their home, and will always be a kind of villain. If nothing else, they'll almost undoubtedly hear that from their mom. So go and find someone that is ready to be dedicated to your shared life... Or just party for a while, then start looking, but take the experience you're having now as something to keep you wiser in the future, and move on a smarter woman.
You'll be fine, and hopefully will find a man that appreciates a woman that can recognize her mistakes and correct them.  
Best of luck.

I am married for 11 years and started a relationship with a married man three years ago. We had known each other for 16 years but became friends 4 years ago. It wasn't anyone trying to get into anyone's pants. I was very unhappy in my relationship at home.... Living in my golden cage... Sad and lonely. I knew he was not happy at home. I came up with an idea.. We got along... We didn't want to get divorced... We could hang out and keep each other happy and go home to our miserable marriages. That doesn't always work. We became so attached that he is my best friend, the other half of me. I couldn't go back to my cage at night. I couldn't let my husband near me. I hated my husband more and more. Home became unbearable. Even if I couldn't have the man I loved I knew I couldn't be with my husband. I ran..... I left the husband. Now I am an official mistress and I need to either deal with it, tell him to leave the wife, or walk away. I know I started the relationship, I changed the rules when I left the husband. I'm not lonely at night. I am happy I am not next to the husband.. But there are times I do get sad and wonder why I am with him. But I know its because he is my best friend... But am I his and is that enough for me. Now that others believe I am single I have been asked out and I turn them down.."I'm just not ready" but I wonder why I will turn down a nice single man and sticking with this one.

I think you are perfect in your love. There is nothing to disrespect you or criticize you for what you are doing. You have love for a man in your heart. Love is sacred, love is pure. It is love that makes us all elevated to the level of heavenly height making us different from our everyday earthly existence. So, no one has the right to say you bad if it is love from within your heart. If you are happy with being the "second " who on this earth has the right to preach that you are doing wrong? First be clear to yourself, are you happy with being his second? Is that that man is just using you to fulfil his lust? Or he has also a descent heart, he really loves you but he can't leave his wife because he has certain responsibilities, children and commitments? If both of your love is true, do not suffer from any guilt feelings. I don't know the age difference between two of you. If the age gap is not substantial, I would certainly advise to keep it up (again if it is a true love between two of you and you are sure that it is not merely a fulfilling sensual appetite for your counterpart). If the age gap is substantial, can't you gradually depart physically from that Mr. Senior and try to find the Mr. Right for you? Some say that husband and wife are created in heaven. So you must have your own husband too. You only need some time to find him.

( I don't KNOW WHEN YOU WROTE THIS BUT ) babygirl listen here.. I'm going to tell it like it is .. I'm going through the exact same thing and thinking the exact same and my girlfriends all have NO sympathy and don't want to hear anything I'm going through of my relationship with this man  ... All I am is his side girl .. His crumbs .. His bits ! I feel like hes full of empty promises(like you probably feel too ) and hes just dragging me along for a ride that's never going to end(( life is like a f-cking roller coaster then it drops,but what should I scream for this is my theme park)),.. I'm not going to beat around the bush .. Leave his ass as fast as you can .. Unless he's willing to break up his marriage for you ..in some cases THAT NEVER HAPPENS .. I'm sooo in love with the man I am with and soon I wont be with!  .. I feel like hes my best friend ..even when we fight about conversations like this .. Hes still my best friend .. I wouldn't change anything about him and if he wasn't married .. He would of been the person I take to my family  . And show him off and tell the world that hes my man and no one else Unforgettably that's not the case .. And that never will be the case .. Just open up your eyes and look around .. Is he sleeping beside you every night .. Can you tell the world hes your man .. Or do you hide it because he's already taken ... Selfishness is what the word is for these married men .. They think they can go around and have young woman fall HEAD OVER HEELS for them and then break there heart after how long .. After leading you on for weeks , months even years ... I'm just saying you can do better ... I should take my own advice as of now  MOVE ON AND DO WHATEVER I CAN TOO and just change my number ... Move out the city .. MOVE ON from the man that I truly love and care for .. BECAUSE yet I KNOW I wont ever be his number one .. We both know he already has that NUMBER #1 spot taken !

The funny thing in this is that your asking advice on a situation you know is WRONG. On all the response that told you to stop you rated them bad. Why? Because you want someone to tell you it's OK? Because you want people to tell you that your doing the morally right thing? Give me a break. Your wrong. He's wrong. This whole situation is wrong. He made a choice when he got married. He made a choice when he had children. He isn't going to leave. Why leave? He's got the family he always wanted and then you as extra on the side. He's got it made. Meanwhile your sitting alone feeling sorry for yourself for a situation you chose to be in.
 
He's going to tell you he loves you or whatever he needs to, to get what he wants. And you fall for it. Pull up your big girl panties, use your brain, make a move that favors you and leave him. Find a SINGLE man who can commit to you and your needs without having to tell his wife he's just running out for something from the store. But above all of this, put yourself FIRST. That doesn't mean first as in whatever you want, but first as in moving on with your life and leaving married men alone. You can do better and you know it.

Dear Zureena,
   Please do not take it the wrong way but I think you get your kicks from chasing after the unattainable. A lot of young women make this mistake of dating a committed man. The novelty of the experience comes from it being a taboo. Soon, even if he leaves his wife the novelty of the whole experience will wear off and you would not like him as much as you do now. Our first and last love is self-love. Besides, I doubt even you'd enjoy breaking another woman's home. The questions you ought be asking yourself are whether it would be fair to the other woman? Or her kids? Will you ever be able to trust a guy who would leave his wife for your sake? He might as well leave you for another some day.

It feels like I keep on repeating myself over and over again.  You are making a big mistake by being with this man.  Go and have a look at my profile and read all the advise Ive given to woman in your same situation.  I had an affair ones myself and I was the one that got hurt at the end.  He won't leaf his wife and kids.  He wants the best of both worlds and you are destroying a family and say he decide to leaf his wife then you must ask yourself one question and that is "When will he get tired of me and then have an affair with someone ells again?"
 
Believe me it won't be easy to say good bay to him and it will hurt for a very long time I know but if you do it know you will save yourself a lot of pain.  The longer you wait the harder it will be and the longer it will take you to get over him.
 
The children will make your life hell even if he divorce his wife and the two of you stay together.  You are going to wish that you never got involved with him in the first place.  My sister is married to a man that was divorced before they met and his kids and big but they still make her life miserable and she only came into his life a couple of years after his divorce.
 

What you should do now is stop. Walk away now. I mean NOW, this very day. You are not only preparing to waste your whole life on a liar and a cheat, but to do appalling, lifelong damage to his three small children. (I can promise you something else too - in the extremely unlikely event that he leaves his wife for you, he will blame you for the rest of your life, for wrecking his family. His children will blame you and so will everyone else. It may be unfair, but it's what happens.)  In fact the chances of his leaving his wife for you are very small - but if he does, you will probably be worse off than you are now.
 
You wouldn't have asked this question if you didn't know something was wrong. I'm sorry to be harsh, but I was once one of those abandoned children and you bear these scars for your entire life. Do you really want A) to do that to those children and B) to be with someone capable of doing that to his own children? Do you really not think you deserve someone better for yourself?

I think this is about security. Knowing you have something with this guy makes you know you have something, I think you are afraid to bring yourself to end it because you're afraid to be out there on your own.
I think you should break it off, find yourself a decent man!! Do not stand for second best! Break it off, start again, find someone who will make you their number 1 because every woman deserves that!! Hope this helps x

I been dating a married man for 2 years. You will never be his wife nor will he leave his wife. I'm going to be straight out with you. He know you will be there in his beck and call. And actually when he his in the mood. Actually your being used

I don't mean to be rude but: it seems like your heart is overruling your brain, think logically! How long have you known him personally? Will it be worth all your efforts to get together? Don't you think that if he feels in the same way, surely he would divorce his wife to marry you? I think you might want to speak to a counsellor about this personally. As I can see already it has opened up a flood of other people's opinions.

Nothing's wrong with you. You fell in love...it's a natural feeling, just with an unavailable man. I know what you are going through. I fell in love with an old school friend and we had a wonderful, whirlwind year.   We do love each other, but we cannot possibly be IN love with each other. We are both married. I have chosen to stop ALL communication with him. Yes, it was hard, I thought I was going to die. Believe it or not as the days come and go you will feel less pain. You will have "I feel sorry for myself," or "I miss him like crazy", days. But think about it. What will you miss? Write some of your thoughts down, take a deep look at what he did or did not do for you on all levels of this relationship. Take a look at the negatives  you listed and tell yourself that when you move on these  will become unacceptable behaviors from the next man you decide to have a relationship with. Please find something deep inside you to stop this affair and move on with your life. He will eventually move on to another,  take a breath and just do it, leave. One thing you can do is to start dating SINGLE men immediately. They will fill that void, even if it's temporary, until your heart heals. You will learn from this relationship and become a stronger person.

Jesus loves you, and if you stop what your doing, and ask forgiveness- you will find someone who will be good to you because god blesses the obidient. It is a sin what you are doing. Your time to go could be any time, and if you die a sinner you will burn in the lake of fire. Life is so much easier with someone in control of it. Go to jesus. I love you- you are my sister and I want to see you in heaven. Besides this guy doesnt love you, he has satan telling him what to do, and he is breaking his wifes heart. God has a soulmate in store for you, and this man isn't it.    REPENT THE END IS NEAR.  

Nothing wrong with you.. Its a situation we all see often.  
We all need to feel wanted... And like it or not, we all need sex.. , so try to accept it for what it is. He is not your boyfriend !!!! Not your Husband and you can't have a meaning full relation with him. He is also your "bit on the side" Make sure you use him as much as he is using you and don't think for a moment that you owe him anything !!!
Look around... Find someone else and dump him... If as I expect your not looking for someone else, you are probably kidding yourself that you have something with him.. Wake up... You don't !!

You know the solution to this problem. Like Nike says very simply ,'JUST DO IT'. And in case you're wondering what the solution is 'LEAVE HIM'.Love is blind without a doubt.

Take it from one who knows...if he cheats on his wife..he will cheat on you. A cheater NEVER changes..EVER.

Theres nothing wrong with you... Maybe it's because its something rather than nothing - if you get my meaning.
Use the situation at your advantage - why can't you do both??? You can be looking, going out enjoying yourself and keep him in tow until your ready !!!!

It is good you understand the sort of relation you have so you can know what to expect in return. You may need to consider some facts as you continue dating that married man so that your predicament may not be a surprise to your entire relationship. From research, dating already a married man with his wife may not be an easy experience because you will need to know that there other parties involved other than you. This alone will create a lot of pain, self guilt that you are putting on the man's entire family. I wonder whether it is something, you would give a deaf ear and you enjoy your love on the basis that they may not know.
 
Dating a married man comes with a cocktail package that you ought to know such as restrictions from appearing together in public scenes, reduced communication for fear of hurting his family. The man may only phone you when convenient including restrictions to visitations to his house may never be possible at any one time.
 
Other issues you would need to know includes a possibility of being stigmatised for what you are doing to the other family, sacrife where you will never receive any praises for the job well done and consequently it may turn out not to make sense especially where the man may not be willing to part with his family. You will need to consider a few other ques as you enjoy your love together otherwise best of luck and have fun.








 

I am in a very similiar situation, but with vastly different circumstances. My married man lives with me!! He is from India, and as most are aware their culture is extremely different from us Americans. His was an arranged marriage, he never even saw his wife prior to their wedding day, most marriages are done this way in India. He tells me he never loved her, and this is how I have justified and perpetuated our relationship for the past 5 years. However, I do realize that this is not his wife's fault, just because they aren't compatible, does not mean he or she should be miserable. But they have children together, two very beautiful daughters, who are innocent of their parents issues. He is in America, because he wanted to get away from the arguing between him and his wife, that would have eventually led to divorce. Divorce is almost unheard of in their society, as they usually just stick it out no matter what, because it would destroy their social standing in their community if they were divorced over something petty. He is from a good family, and they have to uphold a certain image. Bizaare really, but I understand. He says he loves me desperately, and would not do anything to jeopardize our relationship, but I have always thought that a person should devote their lives to one other person only, I can't wrap my mind around sharing someone...Yet, I would never ask him to leave his children. He visits India to be with his daughters once a year for about 3 months each time...He tells me that there is nothing between him and his wife, that he only stays married to her because of the community standing, and the children, but I can't believe it whole-heartedly, I mean he lied to her at the beginning of our relationship (she knows about me now), maybe he's been lying to me also. Wow, epiphany.

You are not insane, you are human . Anyone resorting to name calling is unhappy in there own lives and using your situation to make themselves get a quick fix and probably not fit to give advise anyway. If we asked family members about the mistakes they made there would probably have a list full. You are in love and that is always a good thing, but who we love is not always a good thing. The most important thing to remember is every cause has an affect and some are good some are not, and you are responsible for the things that happen to you in your life. I say you don't really need advise you just needed to know you are not alone, and that is cool, but if this guy is trying to keep you hidden and sales you a far off future plan, then you will always be a side. If he is trying to incorporate you into his life and wife knows, maybe you all can sit down and try to live more honestly cause as long as you are hidden your life will miss truth. Just a male perspective.

My you are two kinds of crazy!!!! What are you doing with a married man??? It's such a cliché line to say you can do better but yes... you can do better! Do you enjoy having him tell you he loves you but goes to sleep in the same bed and probably do things with his wife? Honestly you have to respect your self enough to realize that you deserve nothing but the best and to be the one and only. The one thing you must know is that in a life time we are capable of loving more than one guy but there's more than one soul mate so don't despair when one relationship doesn't work. If he really did love you he would have left his wife a long time ago to be with the one he loves.....think about that love. You are worth more than second best so dump his ass. As to why you can't leave, it might be because you are afraid to let go in case you can't find someone else....but then again its better to be alone than to be the mistress.. Its more or less a moral issue. Good luck

Sweetie I know what your going through but mine is different. I was told he was getting a divorce. And he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me!!he was selling the house to be with me.
But I rang his wife after being with him for a year!!! And found out he was 'happily married' he was selling the house to move somewhere bigger to start a family with her. He had told me how much he loved me for a year. I fell pregnant and he got wierd he did not want it at all he was really wierd. So obviously I got suspicious, and I was right too.
He told me that he has never loved me he was using me for sex because he was not getting it at home.
His wife is actually really nice and we went for a drink on the day we found out. Lol
but I got paraletic and tried to take an overdose to kill the baby and maybe myself. It didnt work and the MM came and took me away at 1.00am to stop me from doing anything to hurt myself.
His wife kicked him out and he is still trying to get me to have an abortion. I can't do it. And he says he will resent me and probably the baby, but yet he will not leave me alone!!!

Ask yourself this, would you want your daughter to be in this situation?no why because she deserves the dream of having one man for herself.thats waht your mama taught you and thats what you will tell her. You r someones daughter,aunt,sister etc. If you love yourself then others will love you. I think by holding on to him you are boxing yourself.you r afraid to leave the box perhaps you are afraid you might not do any better.this jerk has both worlds. Why can't you be happy without interfering in someone elses life. You are the spare wheel. Its not fair to treat yourself as second best. I think if you give him the boot you will breathe and take in a fresh breath of air as the life you are leaing is toxic to your health. Just let it go and you will meet someone who is not attached. Its simple you deserve happiness like everyone else, why deny yourself that happiness by being someones second best.you r that second best if he is not willing to let go of his wife.

Say to him 
Listen, I need 2 talk with you. It's either me or your wife. Choose now!!!!Do you want to be with me or your wife and kids.
It will be fine if you don't cry or anything. Be brave that's what guys go for. Trust me!!!
:-) Smile the world luvs you

Statistically, less than 10% of married men leave their wives for the mistress. If this was going to happen in your case then he would have to take the next steps with dissolving the marriage.  There is really not much that you can do until he gets the ball rolling.

I am in this situation now out of weakness and physical attachment and I am taking steps to get out. Firstly, I am dating a great guy behind HIS back and am praying for the strength and maturity to end it with guy number one and learn to be attracted to what's right about guy number two. With God's help, I will be free and delivered from the wrong attachment.

Keep letting him treat you like a whore. Don't worry about your self respect because you have given that up. HOney you are an adult act like one. He is a married man who is having his cake and eating it too. Imagine you were his wife. How would you feel? I do not sympathize with you because you know how wrong both of you are. You tell yourself it is not your fault he is not getting satisfied at home. Right? Let's say he leaves his wife and ruins her faith in men and the kids get psychologically damaged. What do you do when he marries you and does the same thing to you? No brain-er right? Leave him and ask God for forgiveness and leave married men alone.

You know, this is the first time I have looked at these types of response's. I have been with a married man now for almost 2 years. This, today, is my second Christmas completely alone. He was suppose to come see me at 8pm tonight and of course right now it is midnight and nothing. He has called and text me a few times, but claims "these days" are so hard. I told him that this should not even be choice, to not see me today??? He just keeps apologizing, Thank goodness I really feel as though am done. It hurts so much because I was beat for ten years before this relationship and now I am too independent...I have no one, and he has me as a slave!

So many people are saying the same thing.  I to am dating a married man.  A situation I never saw myself in.  I feel all of the different emotions expressed.  Feeling silly and what not.  Truthfully speaking, I am going to end the relationship and stick to it.  I agree that so many people marry for security.  Then later in life they find their true love.  I don't feel he is a bad person but I wish him the best in his marriage.  I'm not meant to be sloppy seconds.  Good luck to all seeking to end living a lie.

Simply, you have no self esteem I'm sorry to say. But you asked.

You know, all these people have so many opinions of what you should or shouldn't do. I wonder if they are without sin or vices at all.

Shame on the guy for doing this. He wants his cake and eat it too. Sounds like he has it.how do you know there r not more women? Id leave him. You r worth more than 2nd best.

Two years you are messing up the family, very bold female you r...leave him, find someone else

You need to put your foot down & tell him you are done then walk away, don't look back, don't open the door if he show's up at your house, don't answer the phone if he calls. Just say NO.

Well I feel for you and you need to be more about you don't be nobodys seconds that married guys a jerk let him go and get some help!!!! K I wish you well!!!!

Well I conclude that you are a homewrecker... If this isn't correct... Then cut him off now!

I am in a similar situation, so I have no room to judge. I also thought I WOULD NEVER be with a married man, since my ex husband did that to me years ago, and I NEVER thought I would cheat on someone.
Here I am though, in my 40's with a wonderful man who treats me well, and we have a beautiful child together, and I am cheating on him with a married man. What makes this worse is I actually know and adore his wife. I feel HORRIBLE, but I honestly am in love with this man. We have not gone as far as having sex YET, but we are physical. There is a chemistry between us that can not be denied. My BFF knows about him only because she figured it out by seeing how we both light up when the other is around. I think about him all the time, and I hate that I can't stop. I can't stop my thoughts, I can't stop my yearning for him. We honestly do NOT want to hurt anyone, but we can't deny our feelings either. It's impossible to put into words when your heart and soul fall for someone. Neither one of us have ever been in a situation like this, but we can't stop it. I have never experienced this all consuming passion and need for someone. We are both impossible to take it to the next level, because we know there will be no turning back, so for now we sneak away at parties or when we are visiting with friends for our quick but very passionate makeout session and a bit of feeling each other and the breath taking way we make each other feel.

HI

I am in love with a married man too!  Actually have been in love since 4 years ago, still have feeling for him.

I sometimes think that what if I was his wife and  I did dream so much, but you know there is a fact we can't fight, the Time ! You can't bit the time, can you?
Life is short, be happy.
I was with him last week and it was such a fantastic weekend :( , I asked him to marry me too ( I was drunk but you know I love him so much) he just said, how can I marry you? You deserve to be the first !!
I can't do it , he has a very adorable daughter, I don;t want to destroy this child's life and the lady I mean the wife too,
what I did is just limiting my contacts with him, ... However I love him n I love him in my life too, but I won't steal him from his wife.
I think she might have had something better than me, or better luck that she met my lover first. So lucky her,
I cry sometimes, wish I could have met him earlier or wish I was there first.

But Love is not conditional I think, it just happens.
I don't know if that does make sense to you or others but I feel that love is very much free. My heart loves him.  I should admit that he is not lier like others , ok he cheats over his wife but he is different , he is decent , I asked him why did you get marry?
Nodding head said crazy world,
I would say that keep your thoughts all together,
think , take your time and be honest just with your heart, soul and wisdom
do what every your distinct says to you.
For me, I love him I can't resist his eyes, I took my eyes off and my heart just tear part when he left me to go back home to his family.
I felt lost, cried all my way down home in the airport and he said take care of your self ok/? Did you cry??  don't
I said no don't worry I wont.
I don't know, you know I have my life as well, I am a dedicated woman, have got very good degree from a very good uni too, I'm a pro athlete and would do anything to fly higher
I mean I am not a useless person, but this man is all I have been dreaming ....
For me its very tough to move over him :((( even thinking of it make me cry so much
during this time ( 4 years ) I met 2 guys I couldn't even think to be with them , as I love another man ( married man)

wish you all the best where where you are
this is a very hard time for you, I feel for you darling

I just don't understand why men get married, tell their wives they love them and then flirt with other women until the other woman thinks they love them and can't leave? If their sex is good at home and their wife works hard and they have nice kids, why do they tell some single woman that their wife is horrible she doesn't do anything and they hate her?How can sex with another be all that different and exciting? A nurse that worked at my office for us targeted my husband because she needed someone to support her. I'm a nurse and I've worked almost my whole life but I took some time off to be home making sure my kids did well.I had five. I saw a lot of my husband. I started our company with him. I worked hard my whole life and sacrificed most of the fun these single girls are now getting with the married wives that had their children put them through school and worked so hard. The nurse that targeted my husband (and went after him I was told) had  told me that  he told her I was horrible so she wanted to get back at me. She actually thought I didn't deserve him! Why would she believe him. You single girls might be surprized if you knew what the wife had done their whole lives for thier husband. Why should another woman get all the  night club dates and dinners out and the erotic exciting conversations with him on the phone after work. My husbands girlfriend begged him to move out of our house so she could start seeing him. She nagged him until he would blow up at me over any little thing. She told me she would one day take my whole company away from me and walk into the office holding his hand and everyone would know he didnt love me. She laughed at me and told me how could I be so stupid as to think I could MAKE HIM LOVE ME WHEN HE LOVES SOMEONE ELSE? Meaning her.....She said he told her he loved her and called her before and after all of our vacations. His story is very different. He says he never told her he loved her. He says she would say do you love me ? And he wouldn't really answer her she would just assume he loved her. She said he would say he missed her and was miserable with me. What she said to me is what has hurt me the most. I think every minute maybe he did love her maybe he still does, maybe he is still seeing her.....It is really not fair and I think she should have to be accountable for trying to hurt me  and by assuming I was bad. Even journalists double check thier information before publishing it. Then she tries to get a restraining order against me!!! The judge didn't give it to her and the judge thought she was nuts. I could tell she just wanted to be able to contact him, without me being able to do anything about it and then I guess she thought he would go to her. She looked at him in court and said to the judge.."he should have gotten a restrianing order for me a long time ago and he didnt! So I need it now?" That sounded to me like she still thinks he will eventually want to be with her.He continued the affair for awhile when she was throwing herself at him. He's told me he has stopped talking to her at all now but I'll never know. I live in fear that any moment he will move out again and make everything she told me turn out to be true.  His story is very different. He says it was just for the sex and he told her the whole time he would not divorce me. He said she would beg him all the time and ask when he was going to divorce me. He says he kept telling her he wasn't divorcing me.  How can the single girls that do this, convince themselves that they have NOTHING to do with breaking up or tearing apart a perfectly good relationship with this kind of preassure and grief and hurt? Who are they kidding?

Leave this man and these types of relationships alone. I am not proud of it, but I too have dated married men and the only thing I got was heartache and a roll in the sack. It is not worth your time or energy and believe me the KARMA from it is nothing to be played with. You will not feel good about yourself until you have the courage to stay away from these type of self destructive relationships. Why are you in this relationship anyway, you deserve much better than to be somebody's side kick. Even if he did leave her for you, you better believe that he will do the same thing to you. It seems exciting but you will always get the short end of the stick and be looked at as being the one who is wrong. So hold your head up and walk away now. The longer you wait the harder it will be, trust me I am speaking from experience. Be Blessed not stressed!

Well, first of all you know it is wrong to be involved with a married man in the first place. If he does not think with something besides his penis you should have thought for him by saying this would be wrong. How would you like it if you were married and your husband was cheating on you? If you had kids with him and vowed to love honor and obey him and find out he is sleeping around on you? As adults we must think with more than our sexual organs. We must know the difference between love and lust. You have so many innocent people hanging in the balance. Grow up and do what is right. If my husband cheated on me I would give him hell and slap you for being so stupid as to let a man use you like a whore. Cheaters don't care about you. Don't be silly grow up and use the good sense God gave you.

Wow this story really hits home for me. I"m divorced for 10 yrs was married to a cheating husband for 20. (cheating happened last yr with business partner) Anyway a married guy I work with had been flirting and pursing me for months. I was raised in a strict Catholic family with high moral standards. But it happened anyway. We slept together (best physical relationship I have ever had) We have been sneaking around for about 3 months. His wife cut him off physically after about 2 yrs of marriage. He started using drugs and drinking. That was 20 yrs ago. Today he has his  Masters Degree and is pursing law school. This man is my soul mate. We are both over 50. Our kids are grown. We are grandparents....I was leary about sleeping with him and getting involved with a married man. And still have my reservations. I have dated a lot of men prior to being with him. No one made me feel the way he does. He told me he loves me but I know he will never leave the wife..I"m not sure I want him to. I"m independent and live alone. Maybe I'm in denial but for the time being I'm enjoying our "connection" for now.

Wow . . . That's a toughie. So you know he won't leave his wife, but obviously somewhere inside of you, you subconsciously hope/believe that maybe someday he will. Well, that's just it . . . He won't. You will never be number one with this man. He doesn't love or respect you the way you deserve. And you know this is wrong. It's a sin and sooner or later you will pay for it. You MUST break up with him. Tell him you're done & leave it at that. Become unavailable. Block his number. Change your schedule or routine so that you don't see him. Get out of his life pronto! I recommend seeing a Christian counselor. They are completely confidential & don't use any self help junk. Get involved in church & with friends & maybe start a new hobby (scrapbooking, cake decorating, karate, surfing, whatever!). Just keep busy & keep away from him! I am praying for you & for everything to work out for you! Best of luck! God bless!

Let go...and Let God. Ask God to fill the emptiness you are obviously feeling. He Loves you...just the way you are. All he asks is that you give up this adultrous way and let Him take over and fill this void. Jesus loved you so much that he opened his arms and died for you so you can have a relationship with God and be his child.
It took my daughter's best friend having a baby to make her realize that she had a problem with sex. In realizing this she gave it all up to God and has been celebit for over a year. Simply put by her... "I asked God to forgive me, fill the void I had tried to fill with sex, and to be the love of my life until he sends me the man he wants me to be with for life."
Don't waste your time and don't risk a pregnancy just for the sake of being "loved". This is not love. True Love happens within the realms of the marital bed only. This is the only sex God Blesses. It is a Holy act between a man and a woman in the hopes of working with God to create new life. It is also symbolic of the love Christ has for his Church, the Body of Believers who will become his Bride at his 2nd coming.
I will be praying for you.

How old is this post? And are you still dating this "man" if you can call him that! The reason I ask it's because I suspect my spouse is cheating on me. I have no evidence but my heart tells me somthing ain't right. We live in Cali. And he is in the military. I couldn't sleep and thought I search the Internet you never know what you will find! The scary thing is that we too have 3 small children.  Even if it weren't my husband your messing with. I just got to say, put your self in his wifes shoes! How would you like it if you had three children and your husband was sleeping with someone else behind your back? And he was telling this other girl he loved her? Do you believe in God? You must not, cause what your doing is a sin. All I have left to say to you is God see's all! And you will get what's  coming to you sooner or later. If you have any respect for your self walk away and if you don't just know that you are harming his children the worse! You should go to church and pray for forgiveness! Oh and open your eyes! He is never leaving his wife unless you got the courage to tell her yourself and she leaves him! There is plenty of single man out there, what is wrong with you!

You might be what we call a 'love addict'. This term suggests someone who is addicted to a particular person or to the idea of love itself. We probably all have a bit of this condition within us. It's all tied up with the idea of co-dependency which is the in-term around at the moment. What you need to do in order to sever yourself from this man is to take your power back, to be in charge of your own life again.

You don't really expect to get any sympathy do you?
Anyone who enters into a relationship with someone who is married knows that a lot of people can get hurt. Few men leave their wives for their lovers although of course some do.
This man isn't going to solve your problem by ending his marriage because he's having his cake and eating it in other words he's enjoying the best of both worlds and being unfair to both you and his wife.
This situation could go on for years and you're wasting all your chances of happiness on the wrong man.
You need to have some self respect and start a new life - no matter how much it hurts you now otherwise you risk a much worse hurt in the future.

I dated a married man for 5 long painful months. Disaster. I was in a desperate state of mind and emotionally bankrupt. After dating the MM, I was even worse off. Ultimately I told his wife and told her he was a sexual addict for 10 years. It is about 7 months later, I am still not over it. But, the good news is I got out fairly quickly and took a drastic measure to get out too.

All things considered, a great big mistake.

You are afraid of real commitment and you are safe with him because you know you will not ever have to deal with the fact of a real commitment. If you really wanted to end it , you would. I have been there and no one will be there for you because of the situation. But you will be more respected if you end it and people will come around and help you find someone better and not in a committed relationship. So if you really are tired of being a second best, then just say goodbye to him forever. Good luck and best wishes if you want someone to support you.

What you are going through is very very very very bad. Get out of it, break up with him, do something about it before it gets any further. Don't take the guy away from his wife and kids, no matter how sweet and nice your relation with him, it will not be enough when you see the blame in his children's eyes. You are obviously not happy and he is just using you, playing around doing the guy thing but if you really love him, let him go.

If the man said that he wanted to stay with one women forever  (married) and he is cheating on that women it shows that he can not be trusted. If he can lie to her he will lie to you. Plus if he did leave her. How long before he would be doing it to you. Sorry but it sounds like your the play thing with no responsibility. Stop wasting your time and find yourself a real man that respects you an his word.

I would definitely end it now.  It's not a good idea to keep doing that.  Imagine what you two are doing to his marriage, not to mention what will happen to you when she finds out.  He will definitely side with his wife and you will be left alone. I don't recommend staying with him.

Layla

You should go get professional help. Get away from him before his wife finds out. Just because you put that down doesnt mean you care if your hurting someone.  You are messing up someones life. Get into therapy not for yourself for his wife who will be devastated when she finds out

Why are you dating a married man ? Do you not know that if he cheats on her that he will cheat on you . Have some respect for your self . Get out of this relationship before it goes any further . It is just noe healthy for you . He has nothing to offer you .

Your in love thats whats wrong but sometimes you look past that is this healthy for you no its not don't lower your self for someone don't settle for 2nd always be number one you got to really think hard for your self it may hurt but you got to do it for your sakes. Forget him move on he belongs to her not you better your self

Your insecure. Tell me what makes him so special sounds like nothing to me he has his cake and eats his ice cream to and to tell you the truth his wife is probably glad when he is not around he is probably a jerk to her and if he gets caught he is going to expect you to put up with him being a jerk to you you my dear are in a no win situation if I were you I would dump him and be laughing all the way to a decent man who you deserve. Ever heard the old saying BE CAREFUL WHAT YOU WISH FOR YOU JUST MAY GET IT

A lot of loneliness. A married man goes outside his marriage for one thing. Sex. If it were for any other reason, like friendship, than sex wouldn't be involved. You will end up alone. If he is that unhappy at home, he should have left home. You will be left alone, friends and family may lower their opinion of you, wife will be devastated. The only one that comes out on top is him. Until he's caught of course. Break it off. Don't put yourself thru the humiliation.

You probably love him but the best thing to do, for both of you is to break it off. It'll be hard for both of you but in time it will get better. Try and make it a clean break, no more contact or anything. Then get your friend to go ut clubbing with you, throw yourself into the single scene and try to find guy, whose not married who you like. It'd be for the best really, for both of you and his wife.

Sounds like low self esteem or commitment issues.  As long as you know you won't get anything out of the relationship but grief.  You're breaking a commandment "thou shall not commit adultery ???  Ask for forgiveness and find someone who can commit to you thats single
I think if you re read your question you answered it !!!

I believe that you might have insecure ways within yourself. Not being rude but if you know that the man loves another women and you know he will never leave her then why would a you as a secure woman ever put yourself in a situation like that. Your own insecurities is what keeps you there. You know that you want more than that you just have to go get. There's plenty of good men out there that wouldn't cheat on their wife or treat you like that. I really hope you find what you deserve in a man! Good luck!

You are not going to win this one. He will not leave his family for you. Even if he leaves this does not mean he will "be yours". You will be the victim here (or at least you will feel you are the victim). If you are posting your predicament on here, that means you have real doubts and inside you know this is a future-less enterprise.

Miss (I assume you are a miss), don't drag yourself through this one more day. Life is too short and time is too precious to entertain romantic delusions. Break it off and go into survival mode for a while. Get in touch with who you are and what you need to make it day to day. Focus on that and be strong.

If he cheated on his wife to be with you, do you think he would have a loyal and trusting relationship with you.  How can the two of you establish trust in one another knowing that either you have cheated in a marriage or have engaged in sexual activity with a married individual.

If you truly love him, let him go and form a positive relationship with his wife and young children.

The only thing you can do is end the relationship and move on, not only are you destroying his marriage you are also going to destroy his children. The chances are he will never leave his wife and if he's cheated on her he will do the same to you.
Get out and find yourself a single guy there's plenty of them out there.

You probably have low self esteem yourself, and think you wont meet anyone, you must make yourself not available, like always out busy busy busy, whether he is married or not, men like the chase, if your always their, then there is no excitement, all he has to do is text you and you will come running, or be available, make it on your time and your terms if you have to see him. But like you say if he has no intention of leaving his wife wats the point, your just wasting your time and energy on him.

I hear you I'm kinda in the same sitiuation. I am 38 single mom he is 56 married he was seperatead from her we are seeing each othe rnow bout 4 months we met in a car accident thnak god we were not hurt but he hit me from behind. I know people are judging me but you know what I find myself falling for this guy I see him once a week and yes he calls me when he can and I know I'm just a play thing to him. He was getting the divorce he was seperated for a year and she wanted 75% of his asetss but they have 4 houses together that have mortgages as well as the family home cars boats and ahouse in florida. He has been honest wieth me fromt he beggining he said there might be a chance he might get back with her and he said he liked what we have and wanted to continue so he left it up to me, he told me he is only with her casue of the money it is cheaper they can't sell tehy both would lose money. But he is miserable everytime when I am with him we have a great time laugh but I see he is miserable inside. I'm just going with the flow right now your right no one knows the real story there are 3 sides there is his side her side and the truth. There is nothingn wrong with you I thought the same of me but you know what take it fro what it is right now even though I find I am falling in love with him I also know deep down inside this may not go anywhere he is older thatn me. That is why I am with him as wrong as waht he is doing to his wife he could stop it too he does not want it so I am going to go with the flow and see where it takes me. They say people come into our life for a reason for years seasaons or a lifetime you take the experieivce and chalk it up. Good luck honey and for those people that condemn us you don't know the real story neither do we like I said there are 3 sdies hers his and the truth do what yo uahve to do you will decide when the time is right what you want in life. Me I am okay with this for what it is.

I think you r in a depression...my advice would be to avoid him as much possible my making your self busy in any way it may be  by work,studies,playing...etc
and  new friends and try to spend more time with and have outings with your friends & family to often
I may also may help in that way....
 
 
bye ....
Take care  

Right well this is a tough situation you are in so my opinion is if you feel happy with the man then do not do anything to change the situation enjoy it and don't feel guilty time will work it's magic and what is going to happen will happen. It's faith nothing can stop it so just go with the flow and follow your heart just listen to your emotions if you feel nothing inside then you know time has come to break it off but if you feel something warm and fuzzy enjoy it. You very well still might meet a man who will be the one. Good Luck :D:D:D:D:D

'Well, unfortunately I'm in the same situation. But I'm getting over it. I'm married as well. I'm in love with two men. The other man is older and wiser. His wife has breast cancer. The affair started one year before her diagnosis. This had been going on for three years. One may think that we are inseparable. I love him so much, and he me. He said he wants to marry me one day; he even bought the ring to promise me he's not leaving. Even if his wife finds out. I don't know what to do, I'm so confused.

Do you really think that men say good things about their wife/family when they are trying to get into your pants?   Time to wake up and smell the coffee!  Time to quit being so stupid...and selfish!  Time to minimize your pain before it doubles...not that you don't deserve it.

It is a difficult situation and no one, absolutely no one can judge you for it. There is some advice I can offer. Get very real with your emotions. Control exactly what you are expressing and see if he feels the same way. If he does not, you can work on cultivating a connection with him. This is the only hope for making it real.

I can't judge you.  Some people cheat because their marriage is broken and has been for a long time.  Then one day, they find someone that they can relate to.  Although you no longer love your spouse, you don't want to throw your marriage away.  I understand how you feel.  My advice?  Get a divorce before you cheat...and make sure your new found love is divorced too.  Otherwise, you are in for a lot of heartache waiting for both of you to be available.

You first need to decide if you love this man more than you love yourself... my advice to you would be to get out of the situation before you and him both end up hurting the most innocent unknowing members of this union which would be his family. I know its harder than it seems but just remember this little phrase I say to my self ... "no matter how terrible it is it will pass" in life we have a lot of terrible moments and when we think about them a little while later we realise how bad they were but they have passed and we are still alive... it's going to be rough but my dear ... it will pass and you will now have a stronger heart to love with.

I just want to say goodluck. I could feel your pain reading your post. I've never dated a married man but I have dated a man that was involved with someone else and it wasn't easy. Eventually I just had to break it off. It hurt like hell and it was really hard to not call him sometimes but in the long run I know that it was the best thing for me to do.
 
(((HUGSSS) Its time to start thinking with your head, your heart will get you in trouble.
 
 

I am totally sorry but I am going to have to agree with Gwynna. I mean it is really painful for someone who is a cheat for one and do you know what it can do to that family? Especially if they have children and that's the worse part. And he or she is just plain WRONG for what he or she is doing to his or her husband or wife. Just put yourself in that person's position and think about how it would effect you. It would hurt very badly. That's why I am never getting married :(....
I hope that you don't take this the wrong way. But I seriously know that you need to leave and stop letting him make you feel guilty and stop letting him make you feel like you need him.....
I hope that you will one day find true love... :)

Why settle to be second best. You can do Bad by yourself Honey. I've been there, done that.
He will never leave his wife for you. You're only a spare tire to him. You're only there when
things not going well between him and his wife. Sex between you and him is only Lessons  Learned for a loving and better relationship between him and the woman at home. Let him go. He don't love you, only the "SEX", Especially, When his Wife's Menstrustration is on.
PRAY,STAND STILL, AND WAIT ON THE LORD. HE WILL SEND YOU SOMEBODY WHO WILL LOVE YOU FOR ONLY YOU.

Well sis you know what's right! You don't feel self worth of yourself.  somewhere maybe growing up you'll settle for second or someone made you feel that way!?.  when you ge self esteem you'll be able to break it off.you also need to think I you was wifey how will you feel, see iam married and I'm not coming from that stands point, because mens will be, and treat  us what WE allow them! Ms lady,   you need to look in the mirror and say, self I deserve better! I want better! I will have better! I am SOMEBODY!. LOVE YOURSELF AND KNOW JESUS LOVES AND SO DO I. IN JESUS NAME.

You will get hurt in the end

The conclusion will be heart broken. Move on while you got the chance.

Well whatever happens it going to be something hard, difficult, and depressing...

Thing is married dating is always risky, people end up getting caught and then it all ends in tears. All the dating sites that offer cheating partners don't help either. Far too many casual ladies and guys looking for fun in places they shouldn't go. If you are going to cheat then don't get married in the first place imho.

Your just in love wiff the rongg guy

End it now because in the end he will go back to his wife. If he is cheating on his wife how do you know he's not cheating on you. Good Luck on your decision.

To the original post of this question: Can you please message me as I am stuck in the same situation - exactly how you worded it and I am going crazy and need your advice! I am curious as to how your situation went from there...thank you!

What's wrong with you is that you feel lonely and that if you broke up with him there would be no other men for you there is trust me.

Probably the fear of being alone. You should know that you are worthy of a good man that deserves and will appreciate you, but also that you don't need to be in a relationship to be complete.

You know... I know exactly how you feel... It's so horrible.... I am now going through that. I never thought something like this could happen to me, It was just yesterday when he said he has fallen in love with me... And I love him too!! But we knew from the beginning this should have never happened. He is going through separation and he has kids... He is also a little bil older than me and his life his full of commitments. I, on the other hand, am full of life and could pick up and leave if I wanted to but I don't want to. We love each other and care for each other so much that it hurts to let him go; we were study partners, then friends, then we fell in love with each other... I would probably loose him as my friend. There is no guilt or regrets for what happened between us. Nothing is wrong with you, you are just a human being, a woman with feelings and you just fell in love with him just like I did, You cannot tell your heart to love somebody else, even if there are a lot of men out there waiting for you... If you only want the one that you can't have and your heart tells you it's him whom you love. I will try to move on and keep on going... I don't know what to expect but it will be best for us and just time will heal the pain I am going through.

Hey there I can't understand what your saying to!! I'm kinda in the same boat but see I'm not dating him.. It kinda just happen!! He saw me at this one party and thought I was hot told me my friend and she and I talked he wanted her to give me his number so it took me hours before I texted him.. So the next night I met him up with are friends.. We drank a little then his wife was there but then he left with out her cause they don't live with each other!! So anywho we hanged out the whole night had sex 4 times that night I stayed with him all night got to know him.. And I started to feel bad cause he is married even if they are not living with each other.. Anywho so we started to hang out a little more but I told him lets keep up on the down low.. So no one could know whats going on.. So we hook up every time we see each other.. And text a lil but then he says he will do thing for me.. And stuff!! I'm so lost cause the last couple of times we talked he told me lets do a movie night.. He never showed up!! Then he said he will make it up to me I don't know then he told me he will help me with my car this week and fill up my car with free gas.. I don't know he says all this stuff that makes me like him.. But then in the back of my head I know hes married.. And it's not like he really trys to be with me.. Cause I don't want that..!! I don't know do you think he hella afaird to get close to me or hes just a man whore?? Please tell me what you think!!

I feel for you and understand. I am married and have been having an affair with a married man for almost 3 years. I have children, but he doesn't. He refuses to have children with his wife because they don't get along. He lives out of state, working, most of the time and we can sneak away for an occasional weekend alone together. Although I would love to be with him, I know it isn't possible with my children. At the same time, I don't think he would ever leave his wife and disappoint his parents with a divorce. If I could turn back time and never have met him, I would. It hurts to know he's with his wife and it kills me that I can't have him to myself. It's a torture I put myself in and have no one to blame, but just can't deal with the pain of letting him go right now.

Stop thinking we're horrible people who prey on married man for a living, most of us are just normal people who never in their lives thought about being in a situation like this, I know I didn't I was in a very vulnerable situation going trough my divorce and this man was very caring and supportive, we would talk for hours, he would listen to me like nobody ever did in my life. For a long time I fought these feelings for him, I would tell myself what if I was his wife how would I feel if my husband was cheating on me. But it happened and I don't regret it, he loves me and I love him more than I ever loved any other man before. I know if he was happy at home he wouldn't be with me for all this time, so I know it's not just sex either. I'm not looking for nobody sympathy, I just thought that people shouldn't criticize me and others in the same situation without knowing what the heck they're talking about.

I know exactly how you feel. I never thought I would fall for a married man. We have worked together for almost 2 years. We go to lunch together, out for drinks after work, and have become very close friends. His wife, who I have gotten to know, has also been with many times. It has always been obvious that we were very attracted to each other and have been in an "emotional affair" for about a year. Then one night, we hugged goodnight & it just happened. We started kissing and ended up sleeping together. He pursued me Every time after & we have been sleeping together for almost 2 months. He makes me feel so special - I had just gotten out of an emotionally abusive relationship. His wife is 10 years older than him & they have nothing in common. We share a lot of mutual friends, & really love spending time together. I wouldn't want him to leave because I would feel terrible. It is killing me, but I know I have to get out as well.

Most married men wont tell you their married. I was on a dating site called plentyoffish and a rotten player named andy12345a played me.  At first he seemed sweet and charming but all the red flag's started to show after we talked for a week online he asked for my phone number and called me with his number blocked from showing on my phone. He was secretive and made a excuse that his job kept him so busy he had very little time to date. He wanted to just spend time at my house.  He couldnt stay the nite and he never invited me to his home. I was so taken by his charm and was attracted to him and didnt want to think he had someone, but after months it got more obvious another person was in his life..Funny thing is, I was not the only woman on the dating site he was trying to bed. So, not only was he cheating on someone else but he was also cheating on me. I don't think men like that can be monogamous or faithful.  I would never date a man I knew for sure is married.

I have been dating a married man for 16 months now.  We never intended for this to happen.  We met 5 years ago after both of our spouses cheated on us...however, we didn't know this until 16 months ago. Our marriages have consisted of sleeping on the couch for the past 5 years and being depressed.  We both have children.  I have since divorced and he is separated.  He asked his wife for a divorce 6 months ago but she won't get a job. We are best friends...we communicate so well...neither of us were used to that.  But I feel it has been long enough.  I feel horrible about myself at this point and feel unworthy...I can't continue like this...it is wrong and I am sorry I didn't insist he be divorced before we became closer.  I would never do this again!  I just can't imagine my life without him...

I can totally understand your condition. Even I am in the similar kind of situation. I know that you mean no harm to anyone but you feel miserable for doing it. But you cannot do without hte guy also and it must be breaking your heart everyday to see him with someone else. But trust me the best thing to do is to just LET HIM GO. I know it takes a lot of determination and courage to do it but thats the best solution, I am myself trying to do it. You will miss the guy like crazy but you have to curb your desires and just ignore him. Try and boycott him for some time. You must be thinking that its impossible to do but believe me its not. You will be a lot happier after a while. And I'm sure you will definitely find a better guy in no time. You surely deserve it :)

I was taking good care of my husband and I was wiling to give him anything he wanted. I wasnt neglecting him . He has since said over and over it had NOTHING to do with her being better prettier or smarter. She thought she could get him to leave me and targeted him. He figured it would be easy sex and he could get away with it. He lied to her just to have sex with her. Then he dumped her. After five months she threw herself at him again and siad she would have sex with him no strings attached. He was stupid enough to go for that too. Then after six months he was bored entirely with her and wanted out . He told her. She didnt want to believe him. He has never talked to her since and wishes it NEVER happened. We are doing better than we ever have. It still hurts and it will never go away. But, we learned somthing and have moved on. We just celebrated our 25th Anniversary with all of our friends. And even people who know about it told us how great it is we didnt let her ruin our lives

We can't help who we fall in love with unfortunately.

I think you deserve better than waiting around for crumbs and I'm sure there is someone out there who would give you their undivided time and attention.

You know the relationship is not going anywhere, so what's the point in it. Change your number, get news friends and go find Mr Right, stay well away from Mr Wrong. It will be hard and expect a lot of heart ache, but just remember YOU DESERVE BETTER !

You are a very shameless woman. You know he is married and has three children, still you are doing love drama. Are you an actress....why you are creating problems in their family...only for some dollars...hookers are much better, they do it openly, you people cheap, beyond anything curable.

I dated a legally married man for almost 6 years whose wife had abandoned him for another man. For some reason he wouldn't ever divorce her. She lived in a different state and I never thought she was a threat to me. Well guess what?? After the man she left my boyfriend for starts beating on her, she decides after 8 years that she wants him back. Guess who got dumped and hurt? Me.. He was basically only using me for all that time till she returned to him. Never trust a married man no matter what the situation is.

I had a friend in the same situation, and I loved her, the man in question, his wife and children also.It's a very difficult situation for everybody but if you truly love him you stay by him, no matter what.However You are depriving yourself of true family love , You should try , how much difficult it is to find a another man, who can give you family life. Because that is what I think you are truly looking for.

Well I think that maby where you have been meeting this bloke for a while you have started to like him and not want to let it go as it may seem right but you know that its not with the guilt. What you need to do is go out n meet somebody elce and then that person will draw your eyes away from this man . Good luck

You r not wrong dear

Nothing you have developed feelings 4 this man you don't want to leave him

Don't date married men in some states the wife can sue you behind.

I have been a wife until somelse sntch him away from his family...I meet my married boyfriend during a really vulnerable and difficult period of my life.
We have been together on and off for 8 yrs. The last time he broke upd with me was to work on his family... Decision I did totaly respect. Until he came back to me 6 month later and telling about how much he need and love me.
The true was that he broke up with me because he was seing my ex best friend.but unfortunatly for things didnt work put between them ,and he came back to me.
This has made me realise that he is a player and only care about himself.
We are still very much together and he is working realy hard to get me back to the fool he meet 8 yrs ago.
The true is that I m not that person anymore , I now realise that I was wasting my time and life... I m enjoying it while it last ...which is very soon. I m getting married this year with a lovely man almost the perfect man for me.
Sometime men have to learn the hard way that woman are not fool.

Good luck  but remember that you have to think about yourself first and only yourself .

You already know whats wrong and you also know the answer,stay and be second best or walk and find someone who cares.

You are ruining people's lives! Please stop at once.

There are hundreds of guys out there who would love and care for you just as much as you would, I'm not saying break up completely until you find that special someone who will treat you the way you deserve. No one is perfect and I can see where you are coming from; everyone makes mistakes, I can tell you that one day (soon with hope) you will find your prince who will sweep you off your feet.

What's "wrong" with you is that your self-esteem is on the floor. Hardly a terrible fault! 

Karma is a bitch. Once this married ass hole is done with you or you finally meet that guy that knocks you off your feet, there will be a woman like yourself who doesn't care and you will know how it feels to love a man so much and to be betrayed in that way. There's really something wrong with you. Close your legs and open your eyes, if he hasn't left his wife, he never will and if he was to, you won't be the girl he would settle for. You're a whore and nothing more to him.

Because you don't have to try hard to keep him, he makes no demands of you, you don't have to take care of him but he takes care of you, when he can, you can come and go as you please, he's not going to cheat on you, you can have what you need without fear or effort and have your freedom as well. Those are the benefits. 

The not so beneficial is that you prevent yourself from doing any better in life because you think you do not deserve it, You would rather have what someone else has than find it for yourself, You are uncaring of another person and how she would feel, because she's unknown to you, (out of sight out of mind.) 

You think hearing one side of a story about how someones wife doesn't understand them because she mean and hates sex, is more of the truth than actually understanding that truth only lies in the middle of two versions. You like weak men who use you and treat their wife terribly. 

You like men who cheat and dishonor women, You like men (if he has children) who put them selves above his own children and family. You have low self value and settle for less than you deserve. You don't know what you want and are afraid to change like a smoker afraid to quit even though they might live instead of die. 

Not being mean, I don't know you, I use the word "you" as a synonym for women who do what you are doing. It is all my thinking from experience in being both the other woman and the woman who was cheated on. I suspect you need to get a grip and get out now. Its only hard, until the second after you say its over.  

I conquered this little mistake in judgement and my own character flaw and I have done nothing but prosper since. You can too if you want to you just don't want to YET!

Look, maybe you just don't want to see other possibilities. Try dating sites, check this out. First, just socializing, chatting, and only then dating. And you can get out of this. Don't waste your time on this person, you deserve more. Perhaps your leaving will provoke him and he will understand what he has lost.

So now you are at peace, breaking his family. I think your parents have given you good education or they are also the same, are you from one father....

I too am dating a married man and love it. I have tried dating single men and they are all dating several woman so I get what I need when I want it and don't care.

You should dump him because if two people get married they love each other and  to tell you the truth if he's married then he loves the other girl kind a more than you so just dump him

Eh.. Who cares.. Get out there n have a little fun with him.. Just keep yr heart to yourself.. Never give them yr heart.. Thats when you r in trouble..

Why is it in Sympathy category ?You don't need sympathy, nothing is wrong .If you understand this thing, find someone for you, n then b for tht person only

I think you just need some1 in your life but if you go out and find some1 you like than you will be able to brake it off with him

I think you should leave well enough alone. You are causing trouble , and committing a sin. You are taking somebody that isn't yours.  Find a single man, you will save yourself a lot of pain and possible save a family

Tell him to piss of coz he want5s you 4 sex. You don't want his children to grow up without a dad or a cheating dad
USE your BRAIN SISTER
he is gonner use you you better "watch look who's talking"

Look I'm dating a married man as well I don't know what to do!! We both madly in love with each other!!
Hes always fighting with his wife and she always says that shes leaving back home to her family in another state an she is having my boyfriend wonder all the time is she going to stay or is she going to leave she actually left one time an he took her back but that was long before we met and now he is always stressed out! But I'm always there for him an you could tell he at his happiest when he is in my arms or talking to me!!!
We talk an talk for hours at a time it sucks when we have to leave each other an yeah it hurts because I can't have him all to myself but I know one day I will an when that day comes I'm never ever letting him go he will be mine for good!!! Lol
I love this man with all my heart and I know that I would work once she is out of the picture they don't have any kids together but he has one on the way and hes already talking about divorce papers an what not, I just know it will work!!
If you feel like you have found your soul mate like ive found mine I say go for it an stay strong he will see that he means the world to you!!
As you are to him!!

I don't think there is anything wrong with you, you have to sit outside the situation and ask yourself, how would you feel if you were the wife. See the husband is happy because he knows you won't leave him alone and as long as his wife doesn't find out he has it made.

What wrong with you?  Well, you seem to be of the notion that the world revolves around you!  You are a selfish, small minded, despicable person who preys on the innocent, (his wife and children if he has any).  I suggest that you keep an eye out for karma…you’ve got some that will be coming your way.

First of all, I have a question for you. WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?  You should have never dated a married man. No offense but you must be pretty dumb if you would DATE a MARRIED man!! Why would you do that? He is married! Don't you understand? MARRIED! He loves his wife and there must be something wrong with HIM too if he's dating another girl while he's married. He is such a 2 timer. It's mostly your fault. You shouldn't get involved in someone else's relationship. What's wrong with both of you?? Get a life. NO OFFENSE.

Your crazy

Oh my god what is wrong you!!!!!???!?!?? How could you not get away from that situation?? Just ignore him in every possible way!!!! Don't talk to him anymore. Get him out of your life. Just leave him alone!!! He'll stay away from you eventually.   Good luck! <3

You should break up with him because you could find someone that loves you and deserves you

Imagine that you are his wife,how would you feel?my father used to have a relationship out side marriage,if your boyfriend has a kids that is soooo bad,yohave no idea about how much does it hurt them!

I don't see a problem with it, marraige is nothing more than a legal document no matter what any of these people say.