Anonymous

a guy confessed to me & wanna have a serious relationship with me. He kinda verbal abusive towards woman sometimes. Everyone around me says no , my brain says no too but my heart kinda tell me give it a shoot. Should I say no?

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10 Answers

Bear West Profile
Bear West , Saying no is the smarter option, answered

Nobody should have a abusive mate. Sometimes you have to trust your brain. It's better to be single than to be in a abusive relationship.

Barb Cala Profile
Barb Cala answered

Have some self-respect and common sense.  Why would you put yourself into a bad situation like that? 

Writer ReeRee Profile
Writer ReeRee answered

SAY NO!

Danae Hitch Profile
Danae Hitch answered

I'm not sure what your motivation is in wanting to give it a shot. Are you thinking you can change him? If so, you are being so very foolish. People that are emotionally, physically and verbally abusive rarely change.

They can modify their behavior so that all you see is the "good" side of them until they have locked onto their target. Then you will see their true nature. I'm not saying they will never change, but it is highly unlikely.

Our question to you is - why do you feel compelled to go down this path? You have received warning signs from all around you. You know he is verbally abusive. Why do you think you deserve to have him verbally abuse you?

You cannot "save" him. He needs long-term counseling to cure his penchant for being verbally abusive. And should you decide to take a shot at being in a relationship with him, you also need counseling to find out why.

Virginia Lou Profile
Virginia Lou answered

Dear Anonymous,

There is a middle way here, but it requires nerves of steel...

And that is, allow a relationship with him but maintain strict boundaries where he is never (repeat, never) allowed to misuse your trust. In other words, this is a PLATONIC friendship with romantic overtones...

But this kind of friendship can give the fellow a successful experience with a wonderful woman (you), possibly his first successful connection ever with a woman. It can be something for him to remember and build on in his troubled future.

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Virginia Lou
Virginia Lou commented
Thank you, Tom...
Sharron Prestcott
Tom I agree with you, you've stated exactly what I was trying to say. The writer appears to be a young girl and I feel that at any time there is even a question of abuse of any kind the person, especially a young girl with no experience of this kind should stay away from the situation.
Tom  Jackson
Tom Jackson commented
Yes.

There are a lot of valuable insights here.

This kind of exchange aids insight into these situations and then we are able to arrive and some hopefully meaningful advice.

In a perfect world, his issues should be vetted by a professional before he's let loose on the female population.

Probably too many risks to be undertaken by this girl.
Arthur Wright Profile
Arthur Wright , Florida Paralegal with a BS degree in Social-Psychology, answered

I can tell you from experience with working with people and relationships for decades now , that the heart has been known to and does lie so trust your gut instinct here first.  I would say that after reading what you said about this boy, hes only out for one thing and it is not a long term relationship so be careful here. Personally, I would say let him go and move on and find someone better for you and don't look back unless you are wanting to go there. Move on and good luck

Sharron Prestcott Profile

Why on earth would you consider having a relationship with someone who is verbally abusive?  Do you realize that verbal abuse often leads to physical abuse?  Do you think you can change him?

You need to run, not walk away from this person you deserve someone who will respect you and treat you with love and kindness not abuse.  You can call the domestic abuse hotline they also handle verbal abuse they can advise you more about this because this person needs professional help, you cannot help him.

I hope you'll heed this advice because you could find yourself in a very dangerous situation.

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