Why Is It Considered Horrific If A Man Hits A Woman In Self Defense? If I Have A Woman Beating On Me With Intent To Do Me Harm, Should I Be Allowed To Defend Myself By Any Means?

14 Answers

Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
Although traditionally women were considered the weaker sex, in this day we are no longer weaker. As a former Domestic Violence Case worker I can tell you that there are abusive women. Although the reports of abuse BY women are less frequent, it does happen. Society often assumes that a man should not defend himself if the attacker is a woman, but there are many cases of violence by women where the man was hospitalized because he could not or would not defend himself.

I would like to respectfully suggest that if the author of the original post is in an abusive relationship that he seek help from the local Domestic Violence shelter. The situation will not get better on its own, you must get help.
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Shawn
Shawn commented
Thank you for your suggestion, but I was not talking about abusive relationships. It was a generalized question.
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
I'm coming in on a very old conversation here... But, I think the best advice, if the situation is ongoing, is to seek assistance from someone who deals with domestic violence provided you have the time and stamina to endure this... Otherwise, RUN!

If the situation is not a recurring situation... my best advice is to "Run!" In many areas, no questions are asked and both parties are arrested. Neither party gets a fair shake because everyone hates the pettiness of physical squabble that starts with a verbal confrontation. The police and judges will not give you the time of day... they'll blame the full moon or the summer heat, but won'dt isten to you if you've been attacked, as they figure you brought it on. Running works very well in these situations. I did that once... the man went for a loaded gun on a closet shelf and I literally went out the window. When I got to a safe location and called the police, they took the man away while I removed some clothes for a stay in a motel. They strongly encouraged me to file charges... which I stupidly did not... but we later divorced. I ran again... gave up my job and drove across the country in an ice storm. Yes, I lost everything, but I spared my dignity and my life. Now, I just worry that he pulled the same stunt on someone else who might not have been as lucky. I did find out, however, that his first wife had endure this for 20 years before finally giving him the boot in a very nasty divorce... something of which I was totally unaware.
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Shawn
Shawn commented
You apparently haven't read the whole conversation, because if you did, then you would know that I wasn't talking about anything "domestic" at all. Read the full string, and then comment. Thank you.
matt murphy Profile
matt murphy answered
Well I can tell you this regardless of who starts it you will be the one going to jail. I was attacked by my ex who admitted in court that she was attacking me and trapping me in the house. And that she fell down (of course she said I pushed her) but anyway the (female) judge didn't even listen to me. It was nothing but guilty, even though it was her word against mine. Justice in America is a joke. Luckily I was able top scraper together the $2500 for the appeal and got the charges droped. But it cost over three thousand dollars.
Mt point is just run if you can. Otherwise be ready to pay.
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Shawn
Shawn commented
It varies from judge to judge, and state to state. You were very unfortunate to get a female judge on this case. It's like this... I had a drunk guy just walk into my home (didn't know him) through my front door at night. I saw he was drunk, so I tried to go easy on him. I told him to leave - he didn't, I pushed him out the door - he swung on me. I proceeded to beat his @$$, and a neighbor called the cops. The cops got there, and we both got cited for fighting!
Shawn
Shawn commented
(continuation)... The judge told me in court that if he ever sees me in court again because of fighting, he would "Throw the book at me". I was just protecting my home and loved ones! Talk about injustice!!! I asked my lawyer I had retained for this what he would have done that night if he were in my place, and he said he would've just shot and killed him. He said that if the other guy couldn't have given the judge his bull$**t story, then I would've been completely vindicated. Next time I WILL shoot!!!
Wendy Profile
Wendy answered
*You should not use any means necessary to defend yourself against a woman. Women need men more than some of them are willing to admit. Men should be the protector of women in all cases. If it's bad enough find some way to restrain her and call the police. They can deal with it from there.

*If a woman truly means you harm you should do everything you can to restrain her with as minimal physical force as possible. Meaning do your best not to hit her. Many times a man is stronger than a woman so you want to be careful, as funny as that sounds, as you're trying to protect yourself. A man's fist can do exponentially more damage than just a bruise or broken bones. You can crush a woman inside with just the raised arm in anger, not to mention the emotional damage done when the blow is delivered. Women, whether people want to admit it or not, are the weaker sex. This is not a derogatory statement, it's fact. Physically we are the weaker sex. And we need protecting. I have heard of instances where the woman is the abuser. And she is probably given more favor than if the case would have been a man abusing the woman. It is because she is the weaker sex.

*It is my belief that even though most of the time women are the weaker of the two sexes a woman can be very dangerous if she decides that being physical is the way to go.
*Women are to be protected and cared for. Anything done to physically hurt a woman will always be frowned upon. In extreme cases some drastic measures may need to be taken. This, in the majority of instances, should be the very last resort.

*Men also need to be respected and cared for.

*I think what happens is that a breakdown in communication, past abuse, etc. contributes to the thinking that physical violence is the only way people will truly listen. Or it may be feelings from the past that are projected to another person in the future. And that person is not directly related to the reasons and justification in the person's mind for violence. A person that has been hurt will more than likely hurt someone else unless they deal with those issues and continue to press forward in a positive way. They also need emotional support from people they care about around them.

*Being abusive in an abusive situation can only cause more harm.
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Shawn
Shawn commented
You assume way too much! I can tell you are definitely old-school, and have either been in, or have been witness to an abusive relationship yourself. We aren't talking about abusive relationships, though. What would you do if a woman came up to you in the street, and began to beat the stuffing out of you. Can't get to your cell phone, and there's nobody else around to help you. Do you defend yourself, or do you let them beat you senseless? Why is that different if they were to attack a man!?
Wendy
Wendy commented
You are right. If someone attacks you in the way that you suggested you have every right to defend yourself. And I would also defend myself as well. I care for people (abusers/non-abusers). When I said we are the weaker sex I just meant that physically men are stronger than women. It seems that men are looked at first when it comes to an abuse case because they are stronger and in some cases take advantage of that.
*You are also right that I have been very close to some abusive relationships. I was just elaborating some... I wasn't assuming anything. I just came out of a relationship so that's where that whole piece may have come in.
Shawn
Shawn commented
Again, you are assuming too much. Perhaps from false information. Men are NOT stronger than women! Some are, some aren't. There are women out there that are physically, emotionally, and mentally stronger than men, but then, which men are you talking about? I'm a fairly strong individual (physically, mentally, and emotionally), but even I have to admit that there are women out there that could run circles around me in all aspects. Are you so set in your ways that you can't come to terms with the fact that it's all conservative BULL?
Wendy Profile
Wendy answered
Some people may not know how to handle a loaded gun, such as yourself and not give you the respect that you deserve in conversation...to really get to the root of things and solve the problem. But there is wisdom in knowing when to say enough is enough, just referencing the tone of the conversation... not the content. Sometimes people argue just to argue without really wanting a solution and to jab the person/people that they dislike so much. Other times the people being asked the question are not really thinking of the question they were asked but at the person and making judgements that should not even factor in to the answering process.

It's not what you know, it's not how much truth you know, it's not how hard you push.... it's how you handle it and the attitude that is carrying the things you know and feel. A persons' attitude and how they carry themselves can either make or break a person. I don't wish to break you or change how you feel and at this point I doubt that you will ever respect me. But the truth I know I will carry with me and share even if you don't agree with me...not to spite you, but because I know in my heart it's right. I make decisions with other people's well being in mind, whether it's driving a car or having a conversation. That's part of the way I choose to think. People are valuable. It is wrong of you to hold a whole group of people responsible for the hurt you've endured by one or the few. You hold true to your convictions, why would you expect any less from others?

You have every right to feel how you do. And I am truly sorry for the hurt you carry.
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Wendy
Wendy commented
The reason I referred to you as a loaded gun is because you just seem like an angry person and when people least expect it you explode with what seems like sarcasm and anger. We are ALL hypocrites at some point in our lives. I am certainly not guilt ridden as you state and very much at peace with myself. There are areas that I know I need to improve and that will come with time....(continued)
Wendy
Wendy commented
....Thank you for stating that you were not lashing out at me. I would have thought differently reflecting on your responses. Emailing and messaging are OK but there are definitely things lost in translation. When I use sweet words I do that with true sincerity. I'm trying to help you see who I am because when I state how I feel it seems that you see a group of people trying to hurt you. I know I said I was not going to be responding to you quite a while ago but I felt it was important to address some things that you said. Well, I think it's best to part ways. Take care.
Shawn
Shawn commented
True that things can be misinterpreted through these postings, but then, I have always been a very blunt person. I do hate when people "flower" things up, just to be politically correct, or to spare someones feelings. As far as being a hypocrite, not everyone does it. I strive very diligently to make sure I am not one of those pathetic people. When you don't have religius leaders and politicians telling you how to think, and what to believe, it is actually quite simple to keep from being a hypocrite and/or a liar. Peace!
Wendy Profile
Wendy answered
You have preconceived notions about conservatives... and I am a conservative. Therefore you have preconceived notions about me. You think a certain way about those who think this way and it angers you when those views/certain views are shared. There is no way that we can have a truly constructive conversation. You belittle me. I choose not to subject myself to that. An adult conversation consists of respecting the other person without looking down on them and being able to control your emotions and at times agreeing to disagree and to learn from the other person. The way you speak to me does not allow for growth. I hope that you never get attacked as you laid out in your question above and I want you to have a life that is fulfilling and makes you happy. Enjoy your time on Blurtit.
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Shawn
Shawn commented
Yes, I DO get emotional when people speak out of ignorance! Talk about "pre-concieved notions". You think you know sooo much, when you know sooo little. My disgust with conservatives as a whole is brought on by the personal experiences I have had to endure because of people like you! You can have your own views all you want. I don't care! When your way of life affects my life in an adverse way, I WILL attack it. Also, conservatives are the ones who are notorious for not being able to hold up an adult conversation.
DICK  HEAD COCK SUCKER Profile
NO , YOU GET ON THE PHONE , RIGHT AFTER THE BEATING AND CALL 911 .. BEST THING IS TO STAY OUTSIDE , BEFORE THE POLICE COME.. HITTING ANYONE IN RETURN , IS SELF DEFENSE BUT IS ALSO CONTRIBUTING TO THE CRIME .
WOULD NOT HURT , FOR YOU TO GET IN YOUR CAR , GO DOWN TO THE POLICE STATION IN YOUR TOWN , CALL 911 FROM YOUR CELL PHONE , TELL THE OFFICER , YOU WANT TO FILE A POLICE REPORT CALLED ASSAULT AND BATTERY!
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Shawn
Shawn commented
I think your screen name says it all. First of all, the cops are useless, and in most cases will only make things worse. You also are assuming that all people have cell phones. That's a mistake. Also, since when is it a crime to defend yourself!? I don't see it as contributing to the crime. I see it as turning the "crime" to your favor, rather than just taking the beat-down! What if she beats you in the head with a bat, and you are left with brain damage, or are killed!? Think more!!!
Katie Profile
Katie answered
O.K, I completely disagree with tallgirl45! You should not use violence for any means, and besides woman are just as powerful as men. These days some women are completely independent,and don't need men at all! You shouldn't use violence,call the police!
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Shawn
Shawn commented
Yes, and you are the type of person that would be bleeding profusely by the time the police arrived. Violence, and/or force should be met with the same, lest you become the victim. I don't much like being the victim, myself.
Katie
Katie commented
Oh alright I might resort to violence, but only in self defense.
Shawn
Shawn commented
Of course! The only thing that stands in the way of reason, is religion and ignorance. Personally, I believe you can lump those two together as one. :))
Wendy Profile
Wendy answered
Need help.~I just wanted to let you know that, if you haven't seen it already, I left you a comment under your comment to my answer.
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
Self defense, like the kind taught in Karate, has no intent to injure the other person but to deflect and defend against violence, whether it is inflected by a woman on a man or a man on a woman. So the basic answer to you question is that a man may defend himself against a woman. Boy, this is a real “Hot button” topic!  I haven’t seen such a heated and ugly exchange in a while.  It is a conundrum in that there is no easy answer and each situation is different.  Generally speaking no “gentleman” should ever strike a lady.  Now we do know that not all ladies are ladies. Mean and dangerous comes in a lot of different sizes, sexes and ages.  I once knew of an tiny elderly woman who beat her six foot four, former marine husband to death with a cast iron skillet  The problem lies in a lack of skills that the general populations has for conflict resolution.  From nursery school to the nursing home we don’t know how to negotiate for what we need or want and still allow the other person in an argument to also feel they have been heard and their needs considered.  When we can’t do that and alcohol is mixed into the situation it all escalates totally out of control and people behave violently.  Then someone gets hurt.  Trying to assess blame is impossible. It is a tangled mess of a lot of ugly and hateful actions taken by both people in the conflict.   How in the world did this get to be about liberal versus conservative points of view?  You can be of either persuasion and still be a rat’s A$$.  Needzhelp sounds like he does indeed need help.  He shouldn’t take his frustration out on Tallgirl.
Wendy Profile
Wendy answered
I was just sharing what I believe and you're not seeing what I'm trying to say anyway because you think that I've bought into a line. It seems that you think very little of those who think conservatively. It's evident in your responses. One minute you're thanking me for making you aware of a comment I left you and the next you were climbing all over me, telling me that I'm talking garbage. You have a preconceived notion about me that is false and you're looking for an argument. I'm sorry that we weren't able to really discuss further. We each have a right to believe what we want. I respect that. You won't be hearing from me again.
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Shawn
Shawn commented
Your absolutely right about my views on conservatives, but completely wrong about any preconcieved notions I have of you. I merely responded to YOUR comments as I would if I met you on the street. I thanked you, because it called for it, and I "climbed all over you" when it called for it. Perhaps you are much too sensitive to carry-on an adult conversation, but I would expect that from a conservative! In actuality, I was just trying to help you get your head out of your @$$.
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
No its not horrific, a closed fist at woman is.  Using discretion.  Some Lady's can hit pretty hard.  Explaining your actions when the cops get, no that the horrific part.  The fight was easy compared to convincing these clucks.  Hopefully, your not 200 heavier than her and you look beat up.  Because if your and she is...POKY TIME
Arthur Wright Profile
Arthur Wright answered
By all means, with all being equal then by all means defend yourself but dont use more force than necessary to end the conflict. Example; You dont need to use a gun if the other person is attacking you with a newspaper
keith  mooney Profile
keith mooney answered
Yo i see were you are going with that but in my opinion man no matter what should hit a women but i do think you should beable to protect yourself without laying your hands on the girl unless she really tries to kill you

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