Should I Tell My Child To Hit Back In School?

Wow. There are some nonviolent people on this board. My mom told me that if anyone ever put their hand on me that I was to unleash hell on them. Mom was right. Sometimes, just being ready to beat the hell out of someone frees up your tongue to defend yourself verbally first. Once someone sees you are not afraid of them (or getting beat up by them) they don't even bother with you.

I have always told my children not to fight. BUT, sometimes it is necessary. My son was being bullied at school. After multiple meetings with the teachers and principle with no results, I finally told him to stand up for himself. Several weeks went by with this boy steadily messing with him until he finally let him have it. I had one last meeting with the principle and my son go 3 days suspension but I can promise you this, that boy never messed with him again.

Hi I'm 13 years old and you guys don't get it you have to defend urself because the person who hits you first they wont stop . I was in an incident where for 5 minutes this girl was screamin bad names and finally pushed me teachers did nuffin until she scratch me and I fought back . You should teach your kids to defend themselves believe me middle school is rough if you don't defend urself you will get hurt.

I think its best to tell the child not to retaliate in the similar manner and rather seek help from an adult but if one is cornered and constantly bullied then I think at times its OK to hit back.

My daughter 16, has been bullied by the same girl for years, sense grade school. I tried talking to the school several times and all I got was "well we talked to her, and she said she will stop picking on Tori from now on". Finally after being surrounded by this girl and her friends, my daughter finally fought back. This girl kept shoving my daughter around, calling her names, and my daughter tried to walk away twice, until she snapped and punched the girl and ran away. Now this girl is no longer at the high school because this is like her 10th fight in the last year, Right now were fighting with the court system because they want to charge my daughter with disturbing the peace. What ever happened to being able to defend ones self. The school told her she was suppose to just take it, but they refuse to do anything about this bulling. You think grade school is bad, high school is twice as worse, and the school will not help you. Either teach your kid to defend themselves, or just accept they will be victims until they get into college.

I always told both my daugthers not to hit back, to try and talk to the other kids and if it doesn't work to go talk to an adult. My youngest daugter is only 7 years old and she had a little bully after her all year long. She did as I told her , but the other little didn't want talk and the adults at school didn't have time to listen. She cried a lot every time she came back from and she didn't want to go anymore. She always liked school and she's got good grades, so that's not a problem. I went to school to talk to her teacher to see if there was any problem in class and and she says not. I went to watch in the schoolyard without my daugter seeing me to make sure and it was really like she had said, so went and talk the principal before it became too serious but she didn't do anything and it got worse after
Christmas so went back and she told my daugter that whenever she needed to talk to go see her so I thought everything would be okay. But at one time when something bad happen and she went to talk to her , she didn't have time to listen and she didn't refer to anyone else.
So after that , I told my daugter not to hit but to defend herself if something else happen, that she had to take care of herself if nobody else at school would help her and I went and told the principal what I said to my daugter about defending herself and she didn't like it . By now I so frustated that I don't care what she thinks, and I ask that she won't be in the same class with the little girl and she didn't have a choice to listen to me.
Finally, this year everything is fine and going well, she's defending herself and she show's them that she's not afraid of them anymore. She never wanted to hit the others and she never had to. I'm really proud of her but I don't trust the school system anymore.

You have to be really careful making a decision like that. You don't want your child to grow up thinking violence is always the answer because its not. Now, if someone puts their hands on him/her, I'm not saying just let them do it while they stand their...of course you would want them to retaliate but you have to be careful even about that regardless of who started it...Now a days, they want to suspend a child for every minor detail. But my advice to you is, if something like that happens...Tell him/her to go tell a teacher, a principal, anybody who has authority and let them handle the situation.

Only if they've been hit first and there are witnesses to back up the fact that they were hit first.

My brother grew up getting picked on all through school, bullied constantly, and even got beat up several times. He never stuck up or defended himself. So it kept happening. I often think that if my parents would have taught him that defending himself is ok then things would've been different. I believe you have to be careful of how you teach them this, because like someone said prior, you don't want them to think it's ok to go around hitting. But I believe the old trick of just "walking away" isn't always the answer. They must know self-defense and know what type of situations call for it. My brother has a lot of depression and anxiety problems, I believe things that happened in his childhood are to blame. I know that my husband and I are both in the same boat when it comes to raising our children. They aren't going to be the bullies, but they definitely aren't going to put up with being bullied. Whether they get in trouble by the principal or not by not "just walking away", I will know how important it will be for them to stand up for themselves and make a statement that they are not weak and will not stand for it. And then I can guarantee they will not end up like my brother, they will be taught and know the difference between being violent and sticking up for themselves.

Well, for me, because my father was always deployed, and my mother was a big pacifist, I had to teach myself. I decided that if someone comes at you, take them down. However, you need to teach your child to ONLY retaliate, and not to initiate.

I can tell you this from experience.. My 12 year old had difficulty in school with some peers.... And I told her if you get hit go to the adult that is closest to you and tell them what happened and let them deal with it... But if your child is going to the adult or the teacher and they don't want to hear it nor do anything about it, I will go to the school and find out what is going on.. And if I found out that they really did not do anything about it, then that's when I tell my daughter ok then if they hit you again then you hit them back... And I also let who ever I talked to, what I just told my daughter to do... I don't teach my kids violence but you can't let your child to stay hit and them not doing anything about it because your child will act out in class and then you are going to ask your self why is my child acting up?? It happened to my daughter and guess what she got hit, she hit back and now they are friends...it also thought her how to stand up for her self.. Sometimes kids just test other kids and to see who can they pick on... I don't know if this answer will help but I hope that it does...

Not necessarily. There are times when hitting back is a bad move. Help your child to discern whether they are in the right or not. Sometimes it is better to turn around and walk away, no matter how hard it may seem at the time, and no matter what jokes may be made later.

This is a really tricky one.

Most schools will tell you absolutely not. They point out that hitting back just escalates the situation. The bully who started it all will be all the keener to get a good first punch in the next time. The child hitting back is often the only one seen by a teacher and therefore the only one who gets punished. Often children start "hitting back" at perceived but non-existent aggression, like when they have been accidentally shoved or stepped on.

So the school wants children to shout, run away, tell the aggressive kid off, or tell an adult. Anything but hit back.

Many parents are convinced these responses make their child into a wimp that the bullies will be quick to keep picking on. Plus we all know from experience that sometimes one good solid punch back will keep the aggressor away forever.

I don't know the answer, either. I tell my kids that no matter how much they feel like hitting back, to try not to and tell an adult about the problem instead.

It is our moral duty to bring up our children in a nice and reasonable way. We should try to provide all the basic environments and facilities in this connection and teach them in such a way that they become a good citizen of the country and be helpful to the community around them. So far your question is concerned that should I tell my child to hit back in school can be answered in the following manner.

There is a famous proverb "as you sow, so shall you reap." This proverb is proved to be true on all levels of dealings and results. Our children will behave as we will teach them to behave and in the long run we will get its results. If you will tell your child to hit back in school if someone hits him, it will bring bad results because fight among the children can prolong to the elders and it will cause bad results in the end. In my opinion you must guide your child to avoid the company of those children, which cause hitting to each other and tell him to adopt that company, which consists of good children so that he may learn good attitudes and manners from them.